To think its rude to order a starter if nobody else is?

[Iactuallydothinkso]

Well, mn jury. Is it?

I could see under some circumstances why people might think it's inconsiderate to order a starter if nobody else is. For example if people were in a rush. But I like having a starter. And why shouldn't people have a starter if they want one.

I think the group you're with put together their meal from what is offered by restaurant. To me this means there should be a general consensus on whether you (as a group) are having starters/ puddings/ coffees. It's a bit anti-social to go against the flow. I agree though if one person adamantly wants a starter it's probably best if a few others join them - And agree starters can often be nicer than puds !

I think it is inconsiderate if you expect everyone to wait for you.

However, I often order a starter because I intend to have a starter and a pud, instead of 3 courses. I want my pud and round here the portions are massive. The starters are honestly the size of an adult's meal. They aren't tiny little appetizers. Plus the choices are often nicer than the main.

I ask for my starter to be brought out at the same time as everyone's main. That way we all eat together, but I have the meal combination I want.

I would suggest you do that. Order the mains at the same time as the person orders their starter and tell the waiter/waitress to bring out the mains as soon as they're ready and not to wait for the starter to have been finished.

I suppose there will be those who say that's rude.

In a group we would tend to have a quick poll as to starters and I'd probably just go with the flow. If I really didn't fancy anything I'd be happy to wait though.

I never have dessert as I don't have a sweet tooth so I always have to wait for others to decide, order and eat before we can get the bill but I do so graciously with the knowledge I am the lone pudding hating freak. And I use it as an excuse to have another glass of wine.

Still, if no one else was ordering a starter I wouldn't have either. Not sure if that makes you unreasonable or not

YABU.

I love having a starter, would rather skip pudding.

Well done for seeing how unreasonable you were being :)

I woudn't order a starter if no-one else was, generally people tend to ask 'if we're doing starters or not' don't they and as a group you tend to go with the majority. More so I suppose if you are a 'split the bill' group or in a hurry. But if no-one asks and someone orders a starter I wouldn't think them rude.

I never used to order one because I prefer dessert, if on the rare occasion I have room after a main, but I can't eat desserts really anymore, so I'm more tempted by a starter if there's something nice but if no one else was ordering a started I'd be happy to have it with my main so as not to keep everyone waiting.

When I first went out with work colleagues it used to amaze me that one gobby cow would announce that 'we' weren't having starters. Apparently she did it at every meal out and nobody had said a word for years. Until I opened me gob [bugrin] Now people are allowed to eat what they like.

This is probably why I don't like eating out in a big group!

I think this is one of the few things I dislike about going out in a group situation. You get there, people are looking at the menu, then someone pipes up, "whose having a starter?". There is an embarrassed silence and then the loudest person says yes or no and that seems to decide whether or not the whole group has a starter. I personally love the starter so am always really pleased to have one so if the group doesn't have one I am miffed but wouldn't eat one alone (I am weak!!) However, people don't seem to have the same problem with people not eating during dessert

So people around you should only eat as much as you personally want to have? I'm surprised you have to ask if you ABU, surely it's obvious. The rudeness here is making someone feel uncomfortable for eating the lunch they want to!

I think if it was only me I would decline tbh.

Last time I went out I was the only one not having a starter.

I think the others felt bad about it as they all gave me a taster!

But previous to this there had already been a "shared platter" starter!

Not rude, but not good form to make others wait. I tend to do what the majority do, so if no one else ordered one, I would pass too.

How many were in your group? Did anyone else think it was "rude"?

Its sensible for the diners to decide together how many curses to have (and which) so that nobody is left without food while others eat.

What about... everybody orders their main course - and then to finish - a desert OR a starter. That would keep everybody happy. I'm not a desert person, starters are more delicious.

Yabu, but next time instead of sitting there in a sweaty state of pent-up passive aggressive fury - simply ask the wait staff to bring it at the same time as the main course so you don't have to wait.

I am going against the flow to say YANBU. If everyone one else was happy for 1course only or main and dessert in this case, then I would either
a) Forgo my starter
or
b) Order it in place of a main (maybe with extra side order to bulk it out)

To not be able to exercise a modicum of self control and selflessness in a group situation would sit badly with me I'm afraid, sorry.

Lyin, that is genius!
Why is it related to self control?

It is an exercise in self control to not order exactly what you want. (Albeit a minor one)

The ideal meal would be starter and pudding. Main courses are always a bit boring.

I sometimes have two starters instead of starter and a main.

Fully agree with you Rich.

I often come across what I consider strange attitudes round food. Eating /not eating certain things or at certain times. Why not just eat what you want? As others have said have mains brought out for those not having a starter so no one is sat there. I like starter, main, dessert and a glass of something nice

I hate most deserts and love soup. So the others can sit and watch me scoff my soup and I'll sit and watch them scoff apple crumble. Not rude.

Not rude - as long as you don't order all 3 courses (or whatever it is) and bottles of wine while everyone else is having one course and a soft drink/one glass of wine, and then expect everyone else share the bill equally

I've had the opposite. Many years ago as the only woman at work related meals out they always insisted that I order first, even though I was far and away the most junior. Previous meals people had ordered starters so I did and every single one of them then refused a starter and made me feel massively greedy for ordering one. Now THAT was rude.