AIBU to expect my PIL of 10 years to use my name?

[specialmagiclady]

It's hilarious! We have a bit of an iffy relationship which may be why I've noticed, but I can't remember the last time he used my name. This evening, he was handing out food and it was "pass this to... Your mum" or "here you go...er... " etc but never just "there you go, Special".

It's sort of like the opposite of bingo and I'm wondering how I can turn it into a drinking game... Or anything to make it feel less like a grave insult, tbh.

[DavenotChas]

My OH calls me Bert. I call him Bert too, this can get very confusing but still we do it. Even 2 year old DD shouts "I think it's Bert Mummy!" When the dog barks as she thinks her daddy is home [bublush]

[DavenotChas]

(By the way, neither of us are called Bert)

[KatieScarlett2833]

I should LeQ but who will feed me?

[currentbuns]

MIL both calls me and refers to me by my Christian name but she always stresses it in a pointed sort of a way, as though it were slightly distasteful.

[RevoltingPeasant]

My DH calls me 'Monster'. My blood family call me 'Nero'.

I am really not a horrible psychopath, honest

I call him by his surname, randomly - so in public we're 'Monster' and 'Jones'. His parents think I am uncouth, and he is depraved. About right

[goodfreyedaysusan]

i use a random, non gender specific nickname for both children, so my sleep deprived brain has one less thing to think about.

[curlyclaz13]

not mil had to ask how to spell my name for a cheque today, never spells first name right after 15 years it is not going to change is it ?!

[Lilicat1013]

I never use my husband's real name, he rarely uses mine and both children are frequently called my nicknames that have nothing to do with their real name.

[SummerInSicilia]

I'm so relieved reading this thread. In 22 years of marriage, DH has never called me by my name, and I think he's actually embarrassed to do so. Fuck knows why. He'll scurry up the stairs to hand me the phone if someone rings me for example, rather than just call up to me. It really gets me down.

[AgentZigzag]

That sounds a bit more serious if it's getting you down Summer, I presume you've talked about why he can't bring himself to use it, what does he say?

[marriedinwhiteagain]

My DH usually calls me a pet name. I call him half his surname. Now that would out us. MIL once tried to shorten my name. My name is NOT shortened even though it's long certainly not by MIL

[SummerInSicilia]

I bring it up from time to time Agent, and he can't really explain why. Trouble is, it's made me lose some respect for him, I feel like he's somehow setting me over him in his mind and that we're not equal, ie that he feels the same sort of embarrassment as a child would, in calling a teacher by their first name. It's dead weird, and has been surprisingly damaging for such a small thing

[BabsAndTheRu]

I really do think it would be funny to have your husband start calling you, I dunno, Barbara or something. Straight faced. And you respond to it.

Normal in our house.

[inchoccyheaven]

Dh and I rarely call each other by our names. I refer to him by his name if taking about him but it just feels weird to actually call him it to his face, so if the phone is for him i just shout out "Darling it's for you". don't know why I don't like calling him his name though?

I don't know if he calls me anything really [buhmm]

[AgentZigzag]

If there are a lot of posters saying the same thing about their DH/Ps not saying their name much Summer, that would mean it's pretty normal.

But the difference with your DH is that he doesn't call you anything, not even a pet name?

You say it's the way he thinks about you in general which makes you feel uncomfortable, and that's never going to be an easy thing to change.

Could you trial a week where he used your name all the time? Or would that totally freak him out?

[Featherything]

I call DH his name to him, and when I'm talking about him. He doesn't address me by my first name, hardly ever, probably never; I don't know how he refers to me when I'm not there- maybe he just never talks about me. [buhmm]

[BabsAndTheRu]

Sorry posted too soon, said in the style of A League of Gentlemen

[specialmagiclady]

Thanks for advice- am going with getting Dh to call me by name in front of him. He calls his wife "granny" in front of the children so I think it's that thing of not wanting to use my first name in front of the kids but not knowing what else to call me... So er... And you it is...

[EuroShaggleton]

I tend not to use the first name of someone I am speaking to very often. I'll use it if I am speaking about them, which I rarely would be, if they were in the room.

[WankbadgersBreakfast]

I am Gerbil. DP is his surname. Thus, as with a PP, when out in pub, we are Gerbil and Lacey. Add the DC who is known as Bean and we're a family of kooks.

DP refuses to write my Christian name because he can't bloody spell it and won't make the effort.

[WankbadgersBreakfast]

Out in pub? Public, automistake, public.

[EssexGurl]

LaQueen - I thought it was just my in-laws ignoring a parents death. When my mum died last year they came to the funeral but did not talk to me. Never have they offered condolences or ask how me or my dad are doing. More upsetting is that my DS has suffered very badly - he is their GC too, would have thought they would be interested in how HE is doing if not me, my family.

[MusicalEndorphins]

You could refer to yourself as his "Favorite Daughter-in-law". I do that when I call my fil on the phone. I am his only DIL, so he knows I am joking. Anyways, maybe he will begin to call you that...

[specialmagiclady]

I could do "mother of your favourite grandchildren" that might work. Sadly I suspect I'm the least favourite DIL.