Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Unflip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Unflip

1 2 3

AIBU?

AIBU to expect my PIL of 10 years to use my name?

57 replies

specialmagiclady · 30/03/2013 20:45

It's hilarious! We have a bit of an iffy relationship which may be why I've noticed, but I can't remember the last time he used my name. This evening, he was handing out food and it was "pass this to... Your mum" or "here you go...er... " etc but never just "there you go, Special".

It's sort of like the opposite of bingo and I'm wondering how I can turn it into a drinking game... Or anything to make it feel less like a grave insult, tbh.

OP posts:

Report

FryOneFatManic · 13/04/2013 10:08

I have a nickname (eg Liz for Elizabeth, but that's not my name) that everyone uses except MIL, who is the only person I know who uses the full version....

HintofBream · 13/04/2013 09:56

Never in my life did I hear my dad, born 1903, call my mum, born 1905 by her first name. It was always 'Kid' right up until he died at 67.

pinkyredrose · 13/04/2013 09:50

Arf at 'are you there*

M6Toll · 13/04/2013 09:29

FIL went through a phase about five years ago of getting my name wrong, he'd change one letter it and would become a mans name. Think John instead of Joan. After a while I did feel a bit hurt, mentioned it to DH simply said 'her name is Joan' next time FIL did it. MIL who is a people pleaser went ott in trying to ensure FIL got it right, it was really embarrassing and made me feel that I'd made a fuss about nothing. Although I didn't really make a fuss.

Now FIL has dementia, he barely knows who we are and often forgets that MIL is his wife. I suspect getting my name wrong was an early sign of the dementia and I feel like a total cow for causing MIL anguish.

SomewhereInTheMiddle · 13/04/2013 09:20

My dad used to do this to my mum; it became a family joke and she would sign all cards to him from 'Are You There?', because that's what he always shouted to her. They're divorced, btw.

I call DP, and sometimes DD, Babe. I do use his name too though, and never shorten it. He uses my name.

Wishiwasanheiress · 03/04/2013 19:28

It's been 10yrs and ur insulted finally why? Am curious what straw finally caused the pain?

Play bingo I agree, and enjoy quietly.

MordecaiAndRigby · 03/04/2013 19:24

"even his dog looks at him untill he gets the right name"

specialmagiclady · 03/04/2013 19:21

I could do "mother of your favourite grandchildren" that might work. Sadly I suspect I'm the least favourite DIL.

OP posts:

MusicalEndorphins · 03/04/2013 13:49

You could refer to yourself as his "Favorite Daughter-in-law". I do that when I call my fil on the phone. I am his only DIL, so he knows I am joking. Anyways, maybe he will begin to call you that...

EssexGurl · 03/04/2013 13:31

LaQueen - I thought it was just my in-laws ignoring a parents death. When my mum died last year they came to the funeral but did not talk to me. Never have they offered condolences or ask how me or my dad are doing. More upsetting is that my DS has suffered very badly - he is their GC too, would have thought they would be interested in how HE is doing if not me, my family.

WankbadgersBreakfast · 03/04/2013 13:01

Out in pub? Public, automistake, public.

WankbadgersBreakfast · 03/04/2013 13:00

I am Gerbil. DP is his surname. Thus, as with a PP, when out in pub, we are Gerbil and Lacey. Add the DC who is known as Bean and we're a family of kooks.

DP refuses to write my Christian name because he can't bloody spell it and won't make the effort.

EuroShaggleton · 03/04/2013 12:50

I tend not to use the first name of someone I am speaking to very often. I'll use it if I am speaking about them, which I rarely would be, if they were in the room.

specialmagiclady · 03/04/2013 12:35

Thanks for advice- am going with getting Dh to call me by name in front of him. He calls his wife "granny" in front of the children so I think it's that thing of not wanting to use my first name in front of the kids but not knowing what else to call me... So er... And you it is...

OP posts:

BabsAndTheRu · 30/03/2013 22:53

Sorry posted too soon, said in the style of A League of Gentlemen

Featherything · 30/03/2013 22:52

I call DH his name to him, and when I'm talking about him. He doesn't address me by my first name, hardly ever, probably never; I don't know how he refers to me when I'm not there- maybe he just never talks about me. [buhmm]

AgentZigzag · 30/03/2013 22:40

If there are a lot of posters saying the same thing about their DH/Ps not saying their name much Summer, that would mean it's pretty normal.

But the difference with your DH is that he doesn't call you anything, not even a pet name?

You say it's the way he thinks about you in general which makes you feel uncomfortable, and that's never going to be an easy thing to change.

Could you trial a week where he used your name all the time? Or would that totally freak him out?

inchoccyheaven · 30/03/2013 22:37

Dh and I rarely call each other by our names. I refer to him by his name if taking about him but it just feels weird to actually call him it to his face, so if the phone is for him i just shout out "Darling it's for you". don't know why I don't like calling him his name though?

I don't know if he calls me anything really [buhmm]

BabsAndTheRu · 30/03/2013 22:32

I really do think it would be funny to have your husband start calling you, I dunno, Barbara or something. Straight faced. And you respond to it.

Normal in our house.

SummerInSicilia · 30/03/2013 22:26

I bring it up from time to time Agent, and he can't really explain why. Trouble is, it's made me lose some respect for him, I feel like he's somehow setting me over him in his mind and that we're not equal, ie that he feels the same sort of embarrassment as a child would, in calling a teacher by their first name. It's dead weird, and has been surprisingly damaging for such a small thing

marriedinwhiteagain · 30/03/2013 22:24

My DH usually calls me a pet name. I call him half his surname. Now that would out us. MIL once tried to shorten my name. My name is NOT shortened even though it's long certainly not by MIL

AgentZigzag · 30/03/2013 22:19

That sounds a bit more serious if it's getting you down Summer, I presume you've talked about why he can't bring himself to use it, what does he say?

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

SummerInSicilia · 30/03/2013 22:16

I'm so relieved reading this thread. In 22 years of marriage, DH has never called me by my name, and I think he's actually embarrassed to do so. Fuck knows why. He'll scurry up the stairs to hand me the phone if someone rings me for example, rather than just call up to me. It really gets me down.

Lilicat1013 · 30/03/2013 22:16

I never use my husband's real name, he rarely uses mine and both children are frequently called my nicknames that have nothing to do with their real name.

curlyclaz13 · 30/03/2013 22:12

not mil had to ask how to spell my name for a cheque today, never spells first name right after 15 years it is not going to change is it ?!

Unflip

1 2 3

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.