OMG son and porn what do i do???????

[motherhen1949]

Hi please don't judge me I just need some support.

right over the weekend my son has been away but left his phone at home as he only takes it if he's gonna be out alone (its not a Internet ready phone very basic btw) so husband was having a quick flick through his phone which we do now and again, oh finds a variation code for Goole straight way oh says this if for a email account.

so when ds gets back I confront him about a Hotmail account he admits it says he wanted to go one you tube, I made it clear that I didn't approve of this email account and demanded I view it (he started to looked very worried but gave the password ect when me and oh went on not only had some boy sent my ds 90 or so clips of porn(the manga carton kind)not that it makes it any better

also he had two people we didn't know one was a grown man that that gotton to my son through the popular game website road block.

just to add before I get flamed we are not careless we the PC DOWNSTAIRS, IN THE KITCHEN WE ALSO HAVE PARENTAL CONTROLS WE HAVE AGE RESTRICTIONS AND ALSO A EMAIL ALRET SYSTEM COUPLE WITH A TIMER

THE mistakes we made were allowing dd to have a hour in the Morning when were having a lie in
and also the controls would not work on links sent to him via email

I feel awful and I am going to give myself a I really felt we had done all the safe guards

;)

i don't know

No it's not just your son.
The funny thing is when mothers discover their daughters looking for naughty stuff, the shock and rage seems to be doubled. It's a phase, you need to talk to him, as does your DH.

God no not just yours! I bet most mothers of sons get a shock at some point when they realise their boys are growing up!
It's a funny age really, my Ds still has his teddy in his bed (carefully hidden under the duvet) and then I find some choice pics on his history which resulted in a lecture about what can happen to women in the porn industry!

once you've got over the shock that your little boy is actually not as innocent as you thought, it's time to sit down with him and talk properly about online safety

and decide exactly how you feel about porn

He's not trust worthy? Why the he'll not? Because he acted his age? You need to relax with him OP. You sound very controlling and smothering. Calm down and speak to him rationally.

Manga has a lot of fans, all ages. Depends what he was chatting to them about.

Have to admit I wouldn't be quite so mad about Manga,my issue with it is its so bloody depressing most of the time...
Manga porn however can be quite out there in the imaginative stakes.. And yes I have seen some in my time.

Manga porn? It's hardly on the same scale as real porn. It's just a few obscene cartoons, most of them are laughable.

Oh, and bear in mind that a lot of the posters on your thread will have babies or pre-pubescent children. They will offer much advice along the lines of 'Get a grip'
Just make sure that you are around when they face the same problem in a few years.

I don't actually know if my teen and preteen DCs have seen porn: both are IT savvy enough to find it if they wanted to, and both visit friends whose computer filtering systems are unknown to me.

So I concentrate on the educational route. To the point where they are rolling their eyes and saying "Mum we know all that". Except of course they don't, and both are still quite boyish and 'girls yuck', so I know I need to keep at it.

TrippingTheLifeFantastic

sorry i am just not interested in a flaming so please stop posting is that's all you have to offer i said on my first post please no flaming no bun fights

i already feel shitty about my reaction

Unchartered
Flobbadobs

TheNebulousBoojum

thank you for your support and not putting your judgy pants on i feel a bit adrift

I know that is a horrible feeling when you find out your ds has done this but please try and be calm and not make him feel dirty or guilty.

We recently found out that our ( nearly 13) ds1 had been typing things into you tube eg naked women etc, and it was a major shock as he is such a quiet, shy boy that we didn't expect him to do it. However it is completely natural for them to be curious about sex and naked bodies etc.

We talked to him which of course was embarrassing for all of us, but we explained that while it was natural to be curious that there are things on the internet that he really wouldn't ( and we wouldn't) want to see and once you do you can't get rid of those images from your mind.

When I was younger I "borrowed" a copy of the joy of sex from my mum. If there had been the internet available then we probably would have done the same as kids these days. You just have to try and be honest with them and hope they will talk to you if they need to.

Oh and we stopped ds1 going on laptop for a couple of days but apart from that didn't punish him as didn't want him to feel shameful for being a normal teen.

PhallicGiraffe me and oh were a bit about what the snake with 5 heads was doing to the women

Have a brew and a chat, explain your reaction and all will be well.
Adrift just about describes the parents of early teens rather well as far as I can see!

inchoccyheaven i haven't punished him just sent him up stairs to read for a bit and amened the controls on the computer of course

and you are right its just the shock of it all

I found a search for 'pawn' on ds iPod!

Oh my god OP. I absolutely was not flaming you and I am hugely sorry if that is how my posts read. Truly.

You just sounded so frantic and making statements like "he's ruined" and "he's not very trust worthy".

I really am sorry if you thought I was judging you.

What about your reaction makes you feel shitty? Perfectly normal, you went KABOOM! and then you calmed down. As for emailing his nee friends, they will either be more aware that they don't know how old other posters on the site are, or they'll have a laugh that you rapped their knuckles, or they have been warned off and know your DS is being monitored by someone not afraid to challenge.
Again, all normal.

awww ladies thanks i felt well shit feeling a bit better now

TrippingTheLifeFantastic

Tripping, I looked at your profile and had a

'TrippingTheLifeFantastic joined Mumsnet in 2007. She lives in Canada. She has two children.
A daughter of 5 years old
A son of 13 months old'

Even if the info is out of date, your son is still around 5. Soooo...there will come a time when stuffing lego up his nose is not what you worry about.
Good to make it clear to the OP that you weren't being judgy, that was nice.

It really does sound pretty normal for a 13 year old.

I'm glad you feel a bit calmer now. Don't feel judged or flamed. No-one is doing that. Just supporting the calm approach.

I agree with all who say that it is however important to (a) talk a bit, and (b) exclude the extreme stuff, and (c) do (a) about (b).

No one is saying 'fine' parma, any more than if he has a pile of girly magazines.
What many of us are pointing out is that it is a stage many go through, and that needs talking bout and boundaries need setting. Which the OP and her DH are doing.