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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to move the older two children to the smallest room

24 replies

havingamadmoment · 30/03/2013 11:32

Two of my children(age 8and 6) the oldest have a very large room two others (ages 4 and 2) have a smaller room, it still fits two beds, bedside table chest of drawers etc but is much smaller. The oldest two are constantly trashing their room. I don't mean it's just untidy I mean they break things, pull everything out of the wardrobes, rip books. I have tried everything, rewards, punishments etc but they just don't respect the room or their things at all. The youngest two keep their bedroom beautifully, down to putting their clothes in the baskets and they sit nicely playing with their dolls house together it's like a different world to the older two.

I have totally had it today, the oldEst girl had a really nice jewellery box given to her for Christmas and I've just found it in a pile of dirty clothes, scribbled all over and with the doors ripped off.

I am thinking of moving the room around. The older two in the small room with a small amount of stuff and the toddlers in the big room where they will have more room to play with the dolls etc which the have.

I feel on the one hand the older two need more room as they are bigger but then why the hell should they get that lovely light big room when they take it for granted and trash it, I really think its time to take it away.

AIBU?

OP posts:
MrsLettuce · 30/03/2013 11:37

YANBU

janey68 · 30/03/2013 11:38

I don't blame you but why not give an ultimatum first? Give them a set time to sort their room out otherwise you'll swap them over?

specialsubject · 30/03/2013 11:48

...and stop buying any new things for the older two.

InNeedOfBrandy · 30/03/2013 11:50

YANBU but I would give them a month first to see if they can get their act together.

almostanotherday · 30/03/2013 11:50

IMO I found the older ones needed less room as they got older they had less "toys" and did not need the room for toy boxes etc and if they can't look after the bigger room then they loose it.

RedHelenB · 30/03/2013 11:54

It could be the room that's the problem & your youngest ones treat it the same way!!!

mummymeister · 30/03/2013 12:00

dont be one of those parents that threaten to do it. have a plan, tell them that they have the easter hols/a week/a month etc to sort it out and if they cannot keep it OK for 7 or whatever consecutive days then just move them. at 6 and 8 way too old to be destroyed gifts - really unacceptable in my book. are they the same sex? alternatively put them in separate rooms with the little ones in separate rooms too. agree that the younger the child the more room they need. do they have tv or anything in their rooms. if so take them all out. harsh but if you dont sort it now it isnt just one of those things that will get sorted by itself over time.

Original poster
havingamadmoment · 30/03/2013 12:03

I have told them that they have until dh gets home (about 2 to tidy up). We shall see I have to say they are not exactly rushing. I am def doing it if they don't I've just had it.

OP posts:
Original poster
havingamadmoment · 30/03/2013 12:05

I don't think the younger ones will do the same, mess yes but it's different, they get toys out etc but they don't destroy at all even though they are toddlers. It's hard to describe!

OP posts:
livinginwonderland · 30/03/2013 12:32

are they the same gender? because a boy and a girl sharing a small room (or any room at all, really) is pretty unfair, especially as they're heading towards puberty.

christinarossetti · 30/03/2013 12:40

I wouldn't move rooms because that will create resentment towards the younger children and be a hassle.

It sounds like you need to get to the bottom of why the older two trash their room - destroying and scribbling on nice gifts is completely unacceptable in an 8 year old.

Sickofthesnow · 30/03/2013 12:46

I can completely sympathise with you here OP.

My house is set up the older girls in one room (2x9 yr old,and a 7 yr old) and the youngest two in the smaller room.
The oldest two girls constantly leave clothes etc about, which I can deal with and get on their case about but the younger one is a completely destructive girl. She pretty much wrecks the room and when its tidy up time almost never helps resulting in the older two whinging and complaining.
The older 2 are far from angels though, and they CAN create a right good mess and be lazy arsed about it.

So DH actually threatened to remove items, and followed it through. Started off with their media centre PC which is where they watch their movies, youtube videos etc , then it was removal of personal items such as tablets they got for xmas, and went as far as cancelling weekend outings until they realised he meant business when it came to keeping their room good.
I think it was because they had been in the smaller room and he redecorated both rooms and swapped them with the younger ones. So all his hard work of new furniture, carpets, beds, hours of painting etc was getting disrespected and he didn't like it one bit!

As soon as the penny dropped that he was serious and wasn't backing down they started looking after the room a lot more and only need to be told once now to get the mess sorted out!

stressyBessy22 · 30/03/2013 12:49

I agree with christinarosetti This level of destruction would suggest some psychological problem to me.You need to ge on top of this problem and tackle the root cause

thebody · 30/03/2013 12:55

I think tou have bigger problems here than the size of the room.

Deliberately Destroying and vandalising their house at their ages is just unacceptable and you need to sort this behaviour out now.

You must be very worried as being untidy and messy is a world away from ripping doors off jewellery boxes and ripping books. Serious stuff op.

Original poster
havingamadmoment · 30/03/2013 13:23

what sort of underlying problem could cause this? They are happy in other ways and well behaved in all other ways. They are happy and doing well at school, there are no other problems in our house. I just cant think what would cause it!.

OP posts:
MortifiedAdams · 30/03/2013 13:26

Well it sounds like they have no sense of respect for their property - do you spoil them or lavish them with stuff? Are they expected to do basic chores such as make their beds, put dirty clothes in the basket; tidy their toys at the end of the day?

when they do misbehave what sanctions are given?

thebody · 30/03/2013 13:29

But they don't value their own things. That's strange.

Original poster
havingamadmoment · 30/03/2013 13:29

They do have a lot of things I suppose. They have a playroom where most of the toys are kept the things in their bedroom are things which are just theirs (not shared toys etc). I expect them to do things like clear the dishes from the table to the dishwasher which they do no problem, just that the bedroom is just ignored. Even if I go in and help them tidy or tell them what to do it is tidy for literally less than a day. As soon as I turn my back its exploded again.

OP posts:
Original poster
havingamadmoment · 30/03/2013 13:30

I should add the playroom is fine, they dont destroy the things in there and its generally not too untidy which is confusing as well.

OP posts:
Original poster
havingamadmoment · 30/03/2013 13:31

Oh and when they misbehave generally I take their Ipad off them for a set amount of time or take something else similar.

OP posts:
Andratx · 30/03/2013 13:35

Just to say that my mother did this with me when me and my older brother were about 7 and 4. For the same reasons as you. Good reasons, IMO. BUT oh boy, my brother HATED me for the next 15 years because of it. I mean really resented and hated me.

I am not saying that your older children are resentful bullies like my brother was. But my message is, please be very careful about swapping rooms. I get where you are coming from, but you might just be about to hand 15 years of resentment onto your younger children.

diddl · 30/03/2013 13:37

How big is the playroom?

Would that be better used as a bedroom-give the older ones a room each & let the two smaller share the bigger bedroom?

Original poster
havingamadmoment · 30/03/2013 13:38

your brother hated you for 15 years Shock
I dont think they would be like that all of the children get on really generally - I am hoping a room change wouldnt cause that level of hatred - would it

(quietly panics).

OP posts:
Original poster
havingamadmoment · 30/03/2013 13:41

Diddl the playroom is somewhere between the two bedrooms size wise but its downstairs. We are moving the start of next year so the two oldest will have their own rooms then anyway so its not forever like this. We only rent this house so moving isnt a huge issue we just want to wait until after the new school year starts.

OP posts:
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