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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think if you don't want a baby you use protection?

91 replies

lovelylentils · 27/03/2013 23:04

Dh is saying he does not want dc3 but keeps having unprotected sex with me even though he knows i do want dc3 and that i would not have an abortion.

OP posts:
Helltotheno · 28/03/2013 10:48

I guess 'not she' for the pedants!

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 28/03/2013 10:51

You are supposed to be adults. Start a acting like it! What the hell do you think is going to happen. Are you trying to put yourself in an impossible situation that could break up ur relationship??

It's a baby , a living breathing consequence of what sounds like two idiots trying to prove a point.

Strikeuptheband · 28/03/2013 11:46

I think if DP is not stopping anything, knows you want a child and knows you are not using contraception then he is clearly not that bothered about avoiding pregnancy.

Original poster
lovelylentils · 28/03/2013 22:38

Hi, sorry computer went down last night and I couldn't log on.

My AIBU was more of a real question. Dh knows I want a dc3, I tell him regularly, have refused to get rid of baby clothes etc. He also knows that for medical reasons I will not go on pill/ have coil or implant.

He says 'no two's enough' when I say I want another one and yet he knows all of the above but still consents to sex with me. Like I said, he's not stupid so aibu to assume that really his 'protests' to dc3 are not all that strong.

fwiw he has said this before dc1 and 2 but was thrilled really and is a fantastic, doting dad. Also, he is very influenced by his mum who has made it quite clear that she thinks two dc is quite enough - holidays, cars etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
lovelylentils · 28/03/2013 22:39

Oh, and I do like sex and will not run around buying condoms to suit my husbands wishes - he's a big boy Wink

OP posts:
Original poster
lovelylentils · 28/03/2013 22:40

Also, he would not leave me over this! Nor I leave him if he began to buy condoms

OP posts:
ZZZenEggain · 28/03/2013 22:42

ask him straight out, exactly what you wrote here. That he knows all that and yet still you are still having unprotected sex so does this mean his objections are not that strong after all?

I don't think he can be 100% dead set against having another dc and still having unprotected sex. It doesn't make much logical sense to me. Unless he thinks you it is always a safe time of the month when you do have sex?

DontmindifIdo · 29/03/2013 09:13

lovelylentils - if he wouldn't leave, are you certain he wouldn't blame the DC3 for financial hardship/you not being able to do what you want in life? (a 3rd DC really does limit options and bump up costs, it's something you really need both to be on board with). I would talk to him again about it and say you want him to be aware that as far as you are concerned, as he's not using condoms and knows you are not using any contraception, then you are actively trying for a baby, if that's not the case, he can't just bury his head in the sand and then call the baby you will get pregnant with as an accident.

You need to talk to him again, make him make a decision and then stand by the consequences of his actions/lack of actions.

teacherandguideleader · 29/03/2013 09:19

I can't believe that you say that you want a child so will not use protection. Surely it is a decision you make together? Unless you are both on board about having a child you should be using some form of contraception - you seriously need a discussion about this.

Last year, partner and I weren't really planning a child, but would have been happy if one had come along so we weren't using contraception - we had a what will be will be attitude but it was a decision we made together. Circumstances then changed and it wouldn't have been practical to bring a baby into the equation so we started using contraception again - but we made this decision together.

Feminine · 29/03/2013 09:37

lovely I've heard of this happening SO many times.

My Dad was a bit like it.

Lots of men are scared to bite the bullet and say "Yes, lets have another" so they do some strange denial thing...

letting it just happen is quite typical, like it was beyond their control.

My Dad (and the others) have all been excellent Dads once the baby arrived!

scaevola · 29/03/2013 09:42

I suggest that whoever does the main shop buys condoms. The purchasing isn't an important issue here, unless you want to add a (totally unnecessary) source of added difficulty.

quoteunquote · 29/03/2013 10:39

Has he had the snip?

Lucyellensmum95 · 29/03/2013 10:46

So let me get this straight - you want a baby, he doesn't. You BOTH continue to have unprotected sex. Him because, he's a twat that doesn't want to use condoms. You because you don't want to "run around sorting out contraception" secretly hope you get pregnant

You have several options

  1. Risk an "unplanned" pregnancy which could have the following outcomes: a) abortion b) you all live happily ever after c) he maintains he never wanted the child and leaves.
  2. You take responsibility because he wont, get some sort of contraception (it doesn't have to be the pill)
  3. Keep your legs shut.

Its not rocket science

TheRealFellatio · 29/03/2013 10:46

But the OP is never going to voluntarily buy the condoms - she wants another baby! She doesn't seem to have a problem with the fact that he doesn't want one.

TheRealFellatio · 29/03/2013 10:49

mean she does, obviously, but not enough to take precautions herself. It seems clear she'd rather be PG and risk becoming a single mother.

Although her DH is behaving like a ridiculous child, so I'm not sure why she needs another one.

expatinscotland · 29/03/2013 10:50

What SirBoob said.

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