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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think if you don't want a baby you use protection?

91 replies

lovelylentils · 27/03/2013 23:04

Dh is saying he does not want dc3 but keeps having unprotected sex with me even though he knows i do want dc3 and that i would not have an abortion.

OP posts:
sallysourire · 27/03/2013 23:41

All sounds a bit childish to me.

SirBoobAlot · 27/03/2013 23:45

You're both being fucking ridiculous. Grow up.

scaevola · 27/03/2013 23:47

How would he react to an unwanted pregnancy? And would this reaction be fatal to your marriage?

Have you explained to him that you are not using any form of contraception? I mean, up have you actually sat down and talked together about this (not just said something once when he might not have been really paying attention)?

And how would you react if he did decide that unilateral decision making was OK and went and had a vasectomy?

LazyMonkeyButler · 27/03/2013 23:53

Your thread title poses a question Jeremy Kyle asks almost daily.

Maybe you could ask Jezza to sort your dilemma out for you?

Neighbourhoodwatchbitch · 28/03/2013 00:07

You both sound about 12!!

Why can't you buy condoms? You both need to grow up!!

wannabeEostregoddess · 28/03/2013 00:13

Think you both need to grow the fuck up and concentrate on the kids you already have.

AudrinaAdare · 28/03/2013 00:18

Does he believe, like the people on Jezza, that women just, "fall" pregnant when having unprotected sex, despite his biology A' level?

I was eleven years old when I realised that having unprotected sex = trying to conceive.

Schooldidi · 28/03/2013 00:31

I don't think you are in the wrong here, assuming you have told him that you are not on any form of hormonal contraception.

If he is the one who doesn't want another child then he is the one who needs to sort out contraception to prevent that.

Of course, you do need to be prepared for separating if you do fall pregnant and he doesn't come round to the idea, but if you're prepared for that then I think it's ok.

Obviously it's not an ideal way to concieve a child, but how many children are concieved in ideal circumstances? I have 2 dcs and one was an accident due to contraceptive failure, she wasn't concieved in ideal circumstances but she's wonderful anyway and her less than ideal start doesn't seem to have affected her in any way.

If my dp would have unprotected sex with me I would go for it, seeing as I want dc3 more than I want him atm, but I'm not quite ready to leave him on the off chance of meeting someone else willing to have a baby with me.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 28/03/2013 00:46

OP, do you see this ending well at all?

MidnightMasquerader · 28/03/2013 00:52

Why can't you buy condoms?

I don't get this. Why should she? She doesn't want to prevent pregnancy.

Why can't the DH buy the condoms?

I'm not for a second condoning what's going on here - obviously the OP and her DH need to sit down and talk about this and work something out like mature adults.

But really... why on earth should she buy the condoms? Confused Why does contraception inevitably seem to default to the woman? If the man in the partnership expressly wants to prevent pregnancy then he should make the buying of the condoms his business.

nicelyneurotic · 28/03/2013 02:50

I think he does want another baby then, he must do on some level? If you already have two he knows exactly what will happen. Hope you both enjoy your new baby, when he or she eventually arrives!

ThePoorMansBeckySharp · 28/03/2013 03:04

I really hope this is a wind-up.

If not, you are a fuckwit.

MidnightMasquerader · 28/03/2013 03:30

Why is she is a fuckwit?

Why is the DH not a fuckwit, for not just using a condom? Confused

ParmaViolette · 28/03/2013 03:59

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ParmaViolette · 28/03/2013 04:03

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MidnightMasquerader · 28/03/2013 04:30
Confused

Maybe she actually likes sex and likes sleeping with her DH...? How is that 'something that is being 'done' to the OP? And where have you got that 'he has no respect for her' from her two posts?

She is not deceiving him. She has been completely upfront with him. If he really, seriously, does not want a child then he needs to do something about it and they need to talk about things.

MidnightMasquerader · 28/03/2013 04:34

And yes, abstaining from sex when a baby is not wanted by both parties is clearly a reasonable, workable option... Hmm

In the Vatican...

notimefors · 28/03/2013 04:41

There was a thread a few weeks ago where someone had been in the same position and got pregnant, and it sounded like it might end her marriage.

sleepywombat · 28/03/2013 04:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheRealFellatio · 28/03/2013 04:55

Well if he is 100% clear that you are not using contraption either then he is a fool. Unless he secretly doesn't really mind but he thinks he should say he does, because finances aren't great/job's unstable or whatever.

However, you say you will not use contraception. Doe that include condoms? Would you withhold sex if he wanted to use a condom?

Of course that would not excuse what he is doing but it would make you VVVU.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 28/03/2013 07:10

Well, clearly he is either very stupid or he actually wants a baby.

does he think that the fact that he does not want a baby means that his sperm will magically turn around and swim away from the ovum? Now then boys, let's leg it, the Boss said no more babies! Hmm

That said, how do you - really! - think he will react when you get pregnant?

have you been crystal clear about it? - I will not take the pill, if you don't want a baby, use a condom. If you choose to not use a condom we are not protected against pregnancy and if I become pregnant, I will KEEP the baby. I will not tolerate one word of complaint from you about it if I get pregnant, because you are making this choice right now. Do you understand?

And don't stop until he confirms that yes, he understands.

You really really need to talk about this and keep talking about it. You need him to confirm verbally that he fully understands that him not using a condom means pregnancy is an option and that at that point, it is a done deal.

I mean, clearly he knows this! But you need to break down this crap about I don't want a baby I'm not using a condom. It's one or the other!

Fairylea · 28/03/2013 07:13

You're both being incredibly immature and unreasonable.

You both either want a baby and try for one or you use contraception until you BOTH do. To not bother to sort contraception out when one of you doesn't want a baby is just ridiculous.

SoupDreggon · 28/03/2013 07:15

Has he had a vasectomy without telling you?

BeckAndCall · 28/03/2013 07:17

I was going to say you sound like a pair of teenagers who are just trusting to luck but then I thought, no, I've got teenagers, they're not that stupid.

So imagine you get pregnant. You're happy. You tell DH. He say 'get rid of it'. You say 'no'. What do you think happens then? He says 'no, I didn't mean it, I wanted a baby all along? Or he leaves, saying 'you trapped me into this?'

Strikes me as a ridiculous way for responsible parents to behave.

SoupDreggon · 28/03/2013 07:17

The OP is not being unreasonable. If the DH does not want another child he needs to take responsibility for contraception. It is not the OPs job to do this for him.

The DH knows exactly what he is doing and he is making the choice to have unprotected sex.