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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Children not giving up seats for guests at home

75 replies

Jefferson · 25/03/2013 17:43

I wasn't really sure how to word the title. It doesn't sound right but I'll try to explain! This is a very very trivial Aibu by the way.

Went to visit some family friends of my inlaws yesterday. There was me DH, Mil, Fil, Sil and Bil. At the house was their friend, her daughter and her grandson (not this duaghter's son).

When we got there, we sat down but there was a lack of seating with 7 adults so the aunt of the boy asked him to move off the armchair he was in and to sit on the floor or at the dining table so Bil could sit down. The boy (7 yr old) refused and said 'I was say here first so the seat is mine'. Aunt sighed and then dragged a dining chair from across the room for Bil to sit down.

Was this rude of the child or not? I thought it was but then I have no clue as to how children are meant to behave. My DS is only 18 months and tbh if he refused to let a guest sit down as a 7 yr old I would be a bit embarrassed but short of dragging him off armchair there was very little aunt could do

Don't know if it makes any difference but we are all Indian and culturally (sweeping statement) Indians are very OTT when it comes to hospitality. The guest is king and all that!

AIBU to think it was rude of the child not to give up his seat? Just interested in the right etiquette really

OP posts:

Jelly15 · 25/03/2013 17:45

My mum would have made me give up my seat for an adult and I would have made my DC do the same, basic manners.

SnotMeReally · 25/03/2013 17:45

rude for a child to refuse to do as asked by an adult family member, ruder still to do it in front of guests and at the expense of their comfort!

ENormaSnob · 25/03/2013 17:45

Very rude.

My 8 year old wouldn't get away with that tbh.

thebody · 25/03/2013 17:45

Yes if he had been one of my kids he would have been off the chair quick.

But then my kids would have stood up anyway by themselves as they were taught good manners.

Just sad and lazy parenting to bring up such a brat.

HappyAsASandboy · 25/03/2013 17:49

I am not Indian, in case it makes any difference!

I would expect the child to give up their seat. I give up my seat if we have too many guests, so why wouldn't my children?

If you want to get formal about it, I think the seats should go to:

Disabled/old/pregnant
Adult guests
Resident adults
Children (don't care whether resident or not, but would prob offer guest children first but can't imagine ever needing to)
Pets

Just common courtesy really :)

mrsjay · 25/03/2013 17:52

I was expected to get off a chair DDs were expected to get off a chair they are older now and do it automatically , it is basic manners I dont care how precious anybody thinks their children are they give a seats to somebody older than you or at least offer,

drjohnsonscat · 25/03/2013 17:53

totally rude of the child and of the responsible adult for permitting it.

WorraLiberty · 25/03/2013 17:53

I'm not Indian either and imo it's just plain rude.

The Aunt was wrong to let him call the shots though...makes you wonder who the adult actually is.

Original poster

Jefferson · 25/03/2013 17:53

So definitely rude. But how could you make them get up?!

And would it be harder if it was your nephew instead of your son?

OP posts:

DeskPlanner · 25/03/2013 17:56

Rude.

PicaK · 25/03/2013 17:57

YANBU.

I still seethe remembering my first visit to PIL'S house. Sat eating breakfast when DH's little sister got up - walked up to me and said "that's my chair". I expected her to be rebuked but was told matter of factly (no apologetic tone) that that was her seat. So i had to get up and move round the table.

I'm not Indian - this is about politeness. Unless there's a learning disability involved when you'd def not push the issue.

prettybird · 25/03/2013 18:00

If I were his parent I'd have told him that I realize he was sitting there first but he must be needs to be polite and give up his seat for adults and guests and if he didn't do it willingly would have been lifted out of said seat

Depending on the circumstances I might have sweetened the request with the promise of a drink or some vague later treat but probably not

Owllady · 25/03/2013 18:03

I am not Indian but if I take MIL out in the car i would expect my husband to give up the passenger seat for her to sit in (or anyone else older etc) I expect the children to give up their seats too and I also expect people to on the bus for my daughter who is physically disabled. I can tell you though that from experience people do not give up their seats at all, whatever their culture (on public transport at least) But i still carry on teaching my children to have a bit of respect for those older or more infirm, for whatever reason

OddBoots · 25/03/2013 18:03

It's not about being a child, the hosts regardless of age would give up their seats in the situations I have been in. The exception being with those of advanced age or other additional need.

Poppet48 · 25/03/2013 18:05

I'm probably going to be in the minority here but IMO YABU excuse as I gather from your OP, There were chairs available for the guests only not as comfortable as an armchair, so as there were other chairs available I do not see why the children have to sit on the less comfy chairs and have to move for the adults to be honest - He was able to sit down, So I don't understand the problem?

However, If there were no other seats available and the child refused to move knowing this then he would be made to move.

Poppet48 · 25/03/2013 18:05

*Because

sjupes · 25/03/2013 18:05

Very rude boy! I got off seats for adults when i was a child, dd does it and ds will too.

Even when we have a lot of guests in i'll offer up my seat (mainly to dps family as they are a bunch of nagging idiots who'd spread it to 60 relatives how bad a dil i am )

BOEUF · 25/03/2013 18:05

He would have had the Death Stare from me, whether I was the host or his parent. Very rude.

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 25/03/2013 18:07

Rude rude rude. Although it's the parents'/aunt's fault rather than the child's, obviously, for enabling it.

Mind you, one crowded Christmas I suggested to a roomful of people including DP's twattish friend an adult that those in the comfy chairs/sofas swap and sit in the dining chairs for a bit to give others a turn at the comfy seats. Twattish friend gave me a proper face and opened his mouth to object, but then someone else got up and swapped and he seemed to realise he'd be out of order to refuse.

exoticfruits · 25/03/2013 18:11

It is rude, whatever background - I agree with the death stare- followed by telling him to move for visitors - followed by physically removing him. However, having had them from birth they would just have moved in the first place.

exoticfruits · 25/03/2013 18:12

And it isn't the child's fault- adults should never have let him get away with it and then he would realise it was rude.

Cookethenook · 25/03/2013 18:14

Rude IMO but it's funny, there was a thread similar to this a while back and everyone seemed to think it was very old fashioned for children to give up their seats for adults.

Original poster

Jefferson · 25/03/2013 18:16

PicaK that's shocking

Prettybird he didn't need an incentive. He was sat on the sofa eating 5 mini kinder buenos (sp)!

OP posts:

MisForMumNotMaid · 25/03/2013 18:16

Most 7 year old DC I know would be up out of the seat before being asked. My own DC are 9, 7 and 2 so i know a fair few 7 year olds. My neice and nephew are 5 and they would both be standing too to great guests and would't dream of sitting on a chair when a guest or adult didn't have a seat.

The not getting up i'd have been a bit perplexed by but answering back when politely being asked mine would have been quietly escorted to one side and reminded what is polite/ given a few minutes tume out as necessary. for that matter so would any other children visiting me relatives or not. It takes a village and all that.

Original poster

Jefferson · 25/03/2013 18:19

Poppet48. I can see what you're saying. The dining chairs were technically in another room (it was open plan) but they were there. I suppose yes it's more polite for the adult guest to sit in the comfy chair!

OP posts:

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