To be frustrated and angry that women are still expected to be the "emotion keepers" in families.

[seeker]

And if we don't stop doing it, our daughters will still be thinking they are responsible for "keeping men sweet" in 30 years time?

[SolidGoldBrass]

I think the point is that a lot of women are living with abusive men and being told that they need to 'manage' the man better ie placate and serve him. And a lot of men, while not really abusive, are selfish and lazy and consider themselves superior to their partners. There have, after all, been centuries of women being regarded (legally and socially) as men's property, not as people, and even now women are still considered the subordinate class, there for men's benefit. So you get all this guff about men 'not seeing mess' or 'finding it harder to look after small children' and what it basically means is 'Men are too important to do domestic shitwork, it will make their cocks fall off.'
Of course, properly conducted studies show over and over again that meniin heteromonogamous family relationships who do their fair share of domestic work and childcare have happier marriages and better sex lives than the sexist slobs who lift their eet for Wifey to hoover underneath and then get their cocks out at bedtime and sulk when she's not in the mood.

[countrykitten]

SGB how do you know that 'a lot of women are living with abusive men'? And also that 'a lot of men consider themselves superior to their partner'?

You post has annoyed me. Sweeping generalisations anyone?

[WorraLiberty]

These threads are always so pointless and goady imo.

Pointless because the title contains a massive generalisation and should state some women.

And goady because whenever anyone disagrees/states that it's not their experience/points out this is not just a female issue...they'll either get the piss taken out of them or get called 'predictable'.

It's ironic really considering how predictable these type of threads are.

OP if you want to make a point/discuss this, at least accept that some people's experiences are different...without the heavy sarcasm.

[Tee2072]

If everyone was happy with their lives, there'd be no MN.

If everyone on MN gave good advice we'd only need 3 posters.

It's the internet. It's hardly a picture of 'real life'.

[BalloonSlayer]

My sisters had a massive fall out a couple of years ago that has never been properly resolved.

Sister1's DP went off on one about the behaviour of the Sister2's child. Instead of talking to him about it, Sister2 called Sister1 into another room and had a go at her about what her DP had said. Sister1 felt pushed into a corner and that she had to support him as she agreed with his criticisms, although she had not agreed with his decision to blow his stack and say something. Cue family rift.

If Sister2 had not held Sister1 responsible for her DP's behaviour this would not have happened.

It also would not have happened if Sister1 had had the sense to say: "Why on earth are you confronting me about what DP said? I am not responsible for him. Take it up with him and leave me out of it."

[exoticfruits]

I think the point is that a lot of women are living with abusive men and being told that they need to 'manage' the man better ie placate and serve him

The advice I always see is 'leave the bastard'!
Never once on relationship boards have I seen placate him. Often the woman doesn't understand (or hasn't wanted to understand)that he is abusive.

[countrykitten]

So both sisters are a bit silly then.

[exoticfruits]

If you took posts on MN for what was general in RL you would get a very strange , and unrealistic picture.

[ithaka]

I think that some women choose to be 'emotion keepers' because they like to feel in control and in charge of the home. It is not my way, but each to their own.

[badguider]

I honestly don't know what the balance is in relationships across the uk. Those I witness everyday are about 90-90% truly equal (or any inequality is very very well hidden behind closed doors) but then you read mn and it is clearly another reality entirely. I accept in many ways I don't live the prevailing mainstream media culture (women reading heat magazine, men getting pissed up in single-sex groups on a friday night) but then im not sure this is the majority life experience either. I don't know and don't know how other posters can claim to know which is the majority.

[WorraLiberty]

Exactly exotic and I'm sure the OP has been around long enough to realise that people tend to use MN to rant about bad relationships, than to post about good ones.

Imagine if we all started threads declaring how great our relationships are...we'd be told to stop boasting and spare a thought for those in bad ones.

So it's not rocket science to see how/why there can be a skewed image of the 'average' relationship.

[seeker]

As I said- it's not the "problems"- it's the advice given!

[exoticfruits]

The advice is always 'leave him'-some with helpful suggestions of how to do it and some with 'leave the bastard'which is now classic MN advice!

[exoticfruits]

Could you actually find an example on a relationship board of anyone telling the OP to 'manage' him better?

[exoticfruits]

Or is this the sort of advice dished out by women's magazines in 1950s?

[WorraLiberty]

You're reading a different MN to me then OP.

If you see poor advice given, why not call the person on it there and then

Instead of starting threads that make sweeping generalisations and then getting sarcastic with people who have wider experiences to you?

[exoticfruits]

I think that some women choose to be 'emotion keepers' because they like to feel in control and in charge of the home. It is not my way, but each to their own

There is definitely that element to it. Some women appear to want to be 'superior' parent with extra child-the power within the home.

[exoticfruits]

You're reading a different MN to me then OP

I think we ought to get a link to it-if it exists..

[LegArmpits]

Snore.

[ItsallisnowaFeegle]

Course I am Country!

[exoticfruits]

Sounds like a 'bored', bad weather Sunday morning OP to me!

[janey68]

I must admit I don't recognise it in the advice given either

[JulieMumsnet]

Can we remind you of our talk guidelines, please?

[seeker]

How are talk guidelines being broken?

[flippinada]

I don't think there's any need for personal attacks on the OP; she's just putting an opinion out there.

Not that she needs me to defend her; but maybe she's basing her opinion on more than what people post on MN?