To be frustrated and angry that women are still expected to be the "emotion keepers" in families.

[seeker]

And if we don't stop doing it, our daughters will still be thinking they are responsible for "keeping men sweet" in 30 years time?

[flippinada]

I think seeker is talking about a general principle, not saying all women do X and all men do Y.

That's not hard to understand, is it?

[exoticfruits]

Or if not moody-people who like their own way.

[seeker]

Thank you, flippinada!

I deliberately didn't post in feminism just to see what would happen. Predictably, within a very few posts, I had several ad hominem comments and a "this is even worse for men, they just don't talk about it, poor loves!"

[exoticfruits]

As an experiment I would post in feminism-it will go down a treat!

[countrykitten]

Er -I haven't read that on here!

[seeker]

[countrykitten]

[exoticfruits]

My grandmother was born in late 1900s and didn't feel the need, so if I had a DD in the 21st century who did it I would be rather surprised and disappointed. I hope that my DSs don't get self centred partners either that need to be constantly appeased.
Judging by MN I would say it was the man who constantly had to peace keep between his DW and his mother!

[flippinada]

Seeker, I think the only thing you were vaguely unreasonable about was hoping for a sensible discussion in aibu!

[Tee2072]

You can't go by MN, especially the relationship boards. The purpose of MN is (mostly) support and moaning.

Those of us who don't need support or a moan don't post about our relationships. Which is probably 95% of us. Many more than who do.

[seeker]

Ooh, look, an ad hominem and a poor men in the same post!

[Catmint]

I am very pleased that so many women here aren't made responsible for being the emotional managers in their homes.

I think Seeker is angry and frustrated that so many women still are.

And I agree.

I have been horrified at the number of threads on MN recently where women have been systematically emotionally abused over long periods, have had their strength and self esteem eroded by a dominant and disrespectful partner.

It's like a scary mirror world where basic things like being loved for who you are cannot be relied upon and your power is drained away.

[countrykitten]

Goady and silly.

[seeker]

It's not just in relationships, Tee, though. And even there, it's not just the person moaning- it's the advice they get. Actually, quite often the person moaning is told that the problem is her own fault!

[countrykitten]

To seeker's last post.

[KatieScarlett2833]

I was brought up in an abusive man pleasing house.
Hell will freeze over before I adopt that way of life for me or DC. DH is happy, I'm happy, kids happy. All good chez Scarlett

[countrykitten]

You want to start an argument here but many people disagree. I very much agree with Tee in that you get a very skewed view here on MN especially on relationships and this has possibly affected your perception of the dynamics of relationships in general?

[flippinada]

Agree Catmint, great post.

Some people seem to be reading this as a personal attack on the men they know who don't behave badly and are good partners/dads. It isn't.

[countrykitten]

Instead of being angry or disbelieving about this seeker, surely it's something to be pleased about?

[Startail]

I think I do get where the OP is coming from.

DM does keep my somewhat shorter tempered DDad from doing/saying things that would cause grief.

If I feel I'm about to say the wrong thing to DSIS I phone mum first.

I do a little of the same
, acting as a filter between DD2 and DH, because they are likely to annoy each other.

I think it, often does, fall to women to keep the peace.

Partly because most Mothers spend more time with their DCs than their Fathers do. Doing the school run etc. you tend to hear more of the ins and outs of their lives. You get the unfiltered instant version of the DCs day.

Mum is more likely to know all parties involved in thinks that are upsetting the DCs.

Mum also knows DHs project is due tomorrow. She therefore knows that today is not a good time for DCs and DH to share grumbles.

Especially as most men like to fix things. There isn't a practical solution to all problems.

I think more than anything this is why women do the "emotion keeper" bit, they want to stop inappropriate actions being taken when doing something isn't the answer.

[SigmundFraude]

I deliberately didn't post in feminism just to see what would happen. Predictably, within a very few posts, I had several ad hominem comments and a "this is even worse for men, they just don't talk about it, poor loves!"

Soooooo, feminism section enlightened, superior, empathetic beings /everywhere else, unenlightened down-trodden, menz excusing handmaidens.

Got it. Ta.

[Eskino]

I do tend to say, "for gods sake CALM DOWN" a lot, but that's for my benefit, no one else's.

[exoticfruits]

Actually, quite often the person moaning is told that the problem is her own fault!

Often it is. If you are 'keeping your DP sweet* stop it from now. Don't do it. Tell him that it is his problem and don't take responsibility.