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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD8 just seen pack of cigs in my bag. never wanted her to find out i smoked

70 replies

ajuba · 23/03/2013 21:51

This is bad. what can I say? there's no way i am going to admit to it. Yes, I know i should have been more careful. Please help!

OP posts:
cheeseandbiscuitsplease · 23/03/2013 21:53

Taken them off someone you work with as they want to stop :) then stop....it's a smelly habit.

Inertia · 23/03/2013 21:53

Well, further lying isn't going to help.

Just be honest, tell her your reasons for smoking and explain why you lied about it. She's 8 , she's not stupid.

WorraLiberty · 23/03/2013 21:53

If you're not going to admit it, that means you're going to lie.

If you're going to lie, just tell her they belong to a friend.

Personally I'd tell her but there you go.

trixymalixy · 23/03/2013 21:54

She probably already knows, you can always smell a smoker.

PureQuintessence · 23/03/2013 21:54

Well, surely you are on track to teach her that mum smokes and lies?

Dont you think she is going to realize that you smoke from the way you smell?

Bluestocking · 23/03/2013 21:56

She already knows, because smokers always smell, however much they do to cover the pong. And she will also know that smoking is very bad for you. So she'd love it if you stopped. Any chance of you doing that for her?

YoothaJoist · 23/03/2013 21:56

Tell her you used to smoke but gave up. And then give up. No smoking, no lying. Win-win.

NomDeOrdinateur · 23/03/2013 21:57

I would admit to it, explain to her that it's a very dangerous, wasteful habit (sorry) and you need her to help you quit.

Then I'd ask her to help me compile a long list of health/social consequences for carrying on smoking which "I" would carry everywhere in "my" bag. We would also calculate how much the cigarettes per month/year and figure out what treat "we" would spend the money on instead, and then make a big show each week of putting the cash into a jar (with DD keeping track of the proceeds and counting down to the reward).

It would be a very powerful learning experience for her, and it would be good for your health too Smile.

Original poster
ajuba · 23/03/2013 21:57

Surely I can't be the only mum out there who smokes without their children knowing? or not in front of their kids?

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 23/03/2013 21:58

Of course they know - it smells!!

NorbertDentressangle · 23/03/2013 21:58

She probably already knows.

My SIL smokes and has desperately tried to hide it from my DC by never smoking in front of them, hiding her cigarettes etc.

However the DC know. They can smell it on her, they can tell from the way she disappears outside in all weathers.

Children might not say anything directly but they know.

MrsBW · 23/03/2013 21:58

My mum tried to hide her smoking from me when I was a kid.

Never worked.

YoothaJoist · 23/03/2013 21:59

Why do you ask? What does it matter what other mothers do? Just give up, then you wouldn't have these problems.

OHforDUCKScake · 23/03/2013 21:59

Well what have you said so far?

Or is she still waiting for a reply right now?

janey68 · 23/03/2013 22:00

I have a couple of friends who've done this- smoked and tried to hide it from their kids. I've never understood it. Kids are pretty switched on. They'll no doubt know you smoke and lie about it

Sallyingforth · 23/03/2013 22:00

Of course she knows. The smell stays in your breath, in your hair and on your clothes. She knows already and if you lie about it she will know you are a liar. Surely that is worse than knowing you are a smoker.

Tryharder · 23/03/2013 22:00

She won't necessarily know. My Dad smoked for years without us kids finding out! Just say you took them off a colleague as someone suggested or that you gave a lift to a colleague who left her cigarettes in your car. Or something.

Bluestocking · 23/03/2013 22:00

How old are your children, ajuba? If they're five or older, then they know that you smoke.

MrsLouisTheroux · 23/03/2013 22:01

I smoke and DC think it's disgusting and smells vile. Absolutely hates it and has told me that I stink and will never smoke.
Neither of my parents smoked yet I do.

sleepyhead · 23/03/2013 22:02

You don't have the "sat up on the top deck of the bus" excuse any more. Or the "sitting next to a smoker in the pub" excuse. Those were the two main ones I think.

Smokers smell of smoke to non-smokers. Always. Even if you smoke outside. Even if you brush your teeth and wash your hands. Even if you have a special "smoking coat". Especially if you do it out the bathroom window.

You're not 14. Don't lie like one to your dd.

My aunt's pretending she's not started smoking again atm. It's so cringe-makingly obvious. I wish she'd stop with the lying and skulking around and treating us all like we were her parents.

Original poster
ajuba · 23/03/2013 22:03

She doesn't already know. I'm sure of it. I only smoke one or two a day really and I cover my hair when I go outside and wash my hands afterwards. Yes, I know, if I only smoke one or two a day I should give up.easier said than done...

OP posts:
HerrenaHarridan · 23/03/2013 22:03

You are not. My best friend did this for about 8 months.

She stopped when her 6 year old begged her to because she started having nightmares that mummy was going to die from smoking. She started again about 18 months later and 'hid' it for ages till her dd called her on it.

Please don't lie to her, she's 8 not stupid!

Maryz · 23/03/2013 22:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

defineme · 23/03/2013 22:05

My friend only smokes on nights out/very late at night when kids are in bed and she's in garden-they have no clue.

I would lie and make proper efforts to give up tbh.

Recent research has shown that being honest with kids about your past isn't particularly helpful eg parents who tell their kids they've never touched drugs (whatever the truth) are the most likely to have anti drugs kids.

My kids are never ever going to know about most of the stuff I've done because it was stupid and it was just luck that I turned out ok. I've already told them that I've never smoked when I did for a few years in my twenties.

NorbertDentressangle · 23/03/2013 22:07

Theres a TA at my DCs school who is a smoker. I had no idea as in 8 years I've never seen her smoke (she lives in the same street as us) and never smelled smoke on her at school but DD, in reception, always said Mrs X always smells of smoke.

Sure enough, in the last couple of months I've just discovered that she does smoke but never, ever during the school day....but my DC could still smell it on her.