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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL gave Dd a big present I hate, what to do?

134 replies

Mashedupbanana · 23/03/2013 18:30

Today MIL turned up with a present for our 2 yo Dd. it's a bright pink slide (dd's not seen it yet). I know I will sound really ungrateful but it really is not something that I would want to look at in the garden. My tastes are very different from MIL, I prefer more natural, creative, gender neutral, well constructed toys whereas MIL is quite the opposite - if it's plastic, flashes and pink she loves it. I think dd would probably enjoy going on the slide and that's the most important thing, but it's really not my kind of thing.

Realistically I dont want a plastic slide in the garden, but I have come to the conclusion that i'm just going to have to suck it up and have it. I don't like pink things like this as I think they look tacky and if we have a son next it is too gender specific. It doesn't matter with little things I can pack in a box but with a slide it's very visible. If i have to keep the slide, would I be unreasonable to ask if I can swap for it for the more neutral red one. At Christmas they wanted to buy her a pink trike and we gently suggested something else as we'd prefer to buy a balance bike, but I can see this coming up every time. What would you do?

OP posts:

Timetoask · 24/03/2013 06:06

I am sorry you don't like the colour, but little children really love these slides. Mine had one (sorry it was plastic!) in the lounge when they little and it provided endless hours of fun when it was too cold to go outside.

Emilythornesbff · 24/03/2013 06:08

Let it go.
Be grateful you have a mil who is interested in your dd and generous enough to buy her a toy that she'll love. I'm sorry she was difficult about your pregnancy but it sounds like she's come around. What does your DP think about this issue?
The "natural" wooden garden toys you might prefer are phenomenally expensive, go ahead and buy a 4 k climbing frame if you want to have some of your own taste of garden gear. Maybe the addition of other toys will tone down the plastic slide a bit.
Your dd wil probably love the slide.

BecauseYourWorthIt · 24/03/2013 07:16

I sympathise with you too op. I am very house proud and would also prefer something that looked good in the garden like a wooden one.

Its difficult really how to word it unless you found something like a wendy house which had a slide attached to it (in a nice natural wood of course) or some other kind of play/activity thing for your garden incorporating a slide. You could politely say that she gave you a good idea getting a slide for the garden (sucking up to her a bit here) and you saw something which lo would love which doubles up as ie slide/wendy house which i think she will love. Do you fancy going halves on this instead?

OneLieIn · 24/03/2013 07:34

Yabu

It's only a slide

Wait til you get the full size arcade basketball game we got for Chrishmas........

Original poster

Mashedupbanana · 24/03/2013 08:19

DP thinks the slide is awful too and would be happy to ask them to swap it.

I must say we certainly aren't one of those families where dd only has beautifully crafted wooden toy - pretty much everything is second hand so it's a real mixture. I'm fully prepared that dd'll probably be into all things pink and tacky in future and thats fine if it is her preference. I suppose i just think with large presents that are very visible, it would have been better for GPs to check with us first. However our tastes and outlook are just so different and they just presume everyone thinks the same as them so it wouldn't occur to them that we wouldn't like it.

OP posts:

MrsDeVere · 24/03/2013 08:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

birdofthenorth · 24/03/2013 08:57

I have resigned myself to the influx of pink plastic stuff from the in laws, their only GD alongside 4 GSs. Not my preference politically or aesthetically but Dd does love it and MIL is clearly desperate to by "girly" stuff for her "little princess" and several quiet chats have not changed that. It's not worth going to war over and can only last a few years so I'm sucking it up and giving DD gender neutral stuff myself (some of it plastic to be fair- budgetary constraints!).

pumpkinsweetie · 24/03/2013 09:16

Yabu, your dc will love it and that's all that counts. After all at least it's an item that can be stored outside and not one that has to be kept inside. If you really hate it that much, keep it in the shed when not in use.

Original poster

Mashedupbanana · 24/03/2013 09:31

Yes MrsDeVere, you're so right. If a friend had given me the slide as a hand me down I would have been delighted, it's just that it represents a relationship that I'm still bitter about and as I can't actually tell MIL that I hate the way she treated us, it's easier for me to reject her tacky presents -I guess I'm subconsciously showing her that I don't approve of her choices just as she made so clear she didn't approve of ours (having a baby and not being married).
Thanks for the advise all, I have realised its not the slide that is the problem after all, yes I wouldn't have chosen it, but dd will like it and not give two hoots about the colour.

My relationship with MIL is the problem and I thought I would just be able to ignore the way she behaved and move on but it is still eating me up two years later. Will post a separate post about that as I clearly can't leave things as they are as I'm sure dd will pick up on this tension as she gets older. Thanks for making me realise this everyone I've not posted on MN before. I feel like I've just had an hour of therapy

OP posts:

acceptableinthe80s · 24/03/2013 09:34

But OP you're the one stereotyping. Why would a boy toddler think all the pink toys were his sisters? He would only think that if you pointed out pink was for girls iyswim.
Besides you'll soon find out how practical plastic garden toys are, wooden ones get weather beaten very quickly, have sharp corners etc whereas plastic stuff can be cleaned easily and is generally more child friendly. I've had a red plastic slide in my garden for 3 years, it's been battered by gales/snow/rain and looks none the worse for it.

MrsDeVere · 24/03/2013 10:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhatTheWaterGaveMe · 24/03/2013 10:07

YABU.

It's a slide for your daughter which will not last forever.
My mum also got my DD a pink slide for our garden - is it the little tykes one? It's not tacky either - think you are being a bit snobby there

WhatTheWaterGaveMe · 24/03/2013 10:08

My silly phone only showed up the first page

Good for you :-)

Catchingmockingbirds · 24/03/2013 10:10

Very true mesdevere, as demonstrated by whatthewater :o

WhatTheWaterGaveMe · 24/03/2013 10:17

Explanation under my first post catching

I wouldn't have replied if I'd seen the rest of the thread

WeAreEternal · 24/03/2013 10:22

I would just say " thank you for the gift, I'm sure dd will love it. I think you should keep it for your garden so that you can watch her enjoying it every time she visits."

VinegarDrinker · 24/03/2013 10:23

MrsDeVere speaks wise words. And your last post is spot on OP.

If it makes you feel better though, my first instinct would have been exactly the same as yours. Luckily we have a smallish flat and small garden so everyone knows not to buy DS "big" presents, regardless of taste.

Original poster

Mashedupbanana · 24/03/2013 10:47

No it's not little tykes, it's the Chad valley one. Ooh just looked up Little Tykes on line... maybe I can swap it for the Little Tykes green one

OP posts:

Original poster

Mashedupbanana · 24/03/2013 10:49

... just as I had come to terms with the fact I was being unreasonable and going to keep the little pink horror

OP posts:

crashdoll · 24/03/2013 11:25

YABU, it's not your present. Also, I don't get the pink hate. I would certainly not want my DD to have everything pink but the odd thing here and there (if SHE liked it) would be fine.

hackmum · 24/03/2013 11:28

YABU. It's not as if she bought a toy gun or something. She bought it to be kind because she thought it was something your DD would like. So as everyone else said (more or less): 1. Your DD will probably love it, which is the main thing, 2. You can't have children and maintain a home full of good taste, it just isn't going to happen and 3. If you have a boy next, then you can show off what a fine gender-stereotype-busting mother you are by letting him play on it too.

countrykitten · 24/03/2013 11:31

How is a pink slide too 'gender specific' for a boy? Sounds like you haven't really got a clue tbh.

DoeEyedBeauties · 24/03/2013 11:33

It's good of you to realise what the real issue was Mashed. Not many people can figure that out so quickly.

ScrambledSmegs · 24/03/2013 11:49

Think you're very wise, Mashed. Just as an aside, those plastic slides fade like a cheap spray tan - red will fade to pink outdoors very quickly, pink will go almost white. So don't worry too much about the colour.

Xmasbaby11 · 24/03/2013 12:04

My MIL is the same but luckily it's only a few clothes in her case.

Since it's a slide, which is a gender-neutral toy, I don't think it would bother me too much that it's pink. A fairy castle or similar would be another story. Like others have said, if it's just the odd thing, it probably balances out.

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