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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to not expect 'D'P to not act like a twat (warning TMI)

96 replies

Purplefurrydice · 23/03/2013 13:32

I get home from an exercise session and get in the bath. After a few minutes I start to get a sparkly zig zig crystal thing in my left eye and can't see. This stops after about 10-15 minutes. I get out the bath and tell DP what has happened as I am a bit frightened by this. DP suggests I might have a migraine (I have never had one before) I go to bed as I am feeling funny and headachy. DP joins me in bed (despite me tell I feel headachy and need to rest). DP starts massaging my leg (which is nice) and then moves up to my lower back/bum. He then proceeds to start poking me in my bum with his erect penis. I do not respond as I am trying to rest/sleep. DP continues poking me. I start gently sobbing. DP gets huffy as I won't open my legs. I tell him my head is hurting and I am trying to rest and start sobbing loudly. DP goes off in a huff.

Aibu not to expect DP to act like a twat and consider my feelings?

OP posts:

GrimbleGrog · 23/03/2013 15:04

Try not to panic about the eye thing. I get this just before a migraine, but I don't always get the headache, sometimes just the eye thing alone. It still scares me now, it's horrid, but in my case it really is nothing to worry about.

It sounds as though you're having a stressful time atm, that and hormones are causing the headache/eye thing I'll bet. I found a picture online, no idea what the websites all about but scroll down and you can see what my "crystal" looks like here

GrimbleGrog · 23/03/2013 15:07

Sorry for being "allaboutme", just trying to reassure

Hooya · 23/03/2013 15:16

Hello

Nothing to add on the sex situation, clearly wrong wrong wrong, but just to reassure re your eye.

I used to get that occasionally and apparently it's a common response by some people to phenylalanine which is in aspartame sweetener (found in chewing gum, loads of fizzy drinks, some crisps etc). I only got it about once a year and less since I stopped having any sweetener. Scary but hopefully harmless!

TheDegglyDonkey · 23/03/2013 15:31

It's worth going to your GP about the visual disturbance. DH had migraine symptoms with visual disturbance at the beginning of the year, turns out he had a rare condition that caused a stroke - it's very unlikely to be anything like that, but it should definitely be checked out.

cjel · 23/03/2013 19:53

I have this migraine with out much pain but lots of visual disturbances. It is sometimes because of dehydration , but is definately hormonal and worse around the time of my period. Aslo DPs behaviour would mean he was Xdp. Hope you got on ok with eye test.

Orangerevel · 23/03/2013 20:55

I am allergic to zinc and this is what happens to my eyes if I take any vitamin supplements which have zinc in them. I also thought I was having a stroke. I went to my gp and the opticians and they couldn't diagnose the problem. I worked it out by process of elimination.

IfNotNowThenWhen · 23/03/2013 21:00

Well. It's been a long time since i was in a long term relationship, but since when is poking a woman in the backside with an erect penis and expecting her to just open her legs an acceptable pre-cursor to sex??
Call me old fashioned, but isn't sex supposed to be a mutually agreed, enjoyable thing, where the woman wants it too?
OP, YANBU to expect this person to not act like a twat. Unfortunately, it sounds like he simply is a twat.

firesideskirt · 23/03/2013 21:19

You have all the symptoms of a classic migraine - nothing to worry about. I get them if I don't drink plenty.
As for your partner, well, being pretty selfish, but probably not the first or last time a man has behaved that way. I would tell him how ill you were feeling and how selfish it was and how pissed off you are and expect an apology.

squeakytoy · 23/03/2013 21:32

Can I just add, I have had that type of zig zag thing too.. twice in my life. It was scary, no pain at all, just had a zig zag moving line in my vision and couldnt see properly out of the eye, but it went away within the hour and hasnt returned since.. oddly enough round about the time I cut all aspartame out.,.

OxfordBags · 23/03/2013 21:42

Jesus Christ, the minimisers and victim-blamers are out in full force today, huh? Sorry, but that was an atempted rape, OP. There is only ONE reason why anyone would see a poorly person who has gone worryingly blind in one eye and is in pain, half-asleep in bed and think that it might be a good time to start sex, and that's because they are a selfish, rapey pig who sees the ill person as a thing, an object, a fuckhole, not a real person. No normal man could be aroused by a woman in that state.

Yes, the weird diamond thing is worrying, but it pales into insignificance compared to how worrying his sexual behaviour is towards you, OP.

Idocrazythings · 23/03/2013 21:43

I get a funny eye thing sometimes- like sparkly bits sometimes one eye sometimes both. My eyesight gets quite blurry too. Mine seems to be triggered by sudden exposure to bright sunlight. I think it's called a "migraine aura" luckily I don't usually get the migraine with it, but I do feel pretty wiped out after it goes. It's quite horrible hope you get sorted. And shame on "d"p.

SuburbanRhonda · 23/03/2013 22:01

I am very short-sighted and have been to do the same thing by my optician: if ever I get flashing lights or bright patterns near the edge of my eye, get myself to A&E pronto as my retina will be tearing. Take it seriously.

Creameggkr · 23/03/2013 22:09

There are many good treatments for migraines op
However there is only one for an insensitive abusive cunt though!

Purplecatti · 23/03/2013 22:15

I always get a migraine like that around stressful times, they are horrid. All I can do is lie in a darkened room with a cold flannel over my eyes and try to sleep it off.
As to the poking thing. I'm on the receiving end of that, and it narks me. Not however when I have a migraine. He has more sense.

Jux · 23/03/2013 22:42

Migraines are horrid, I get a lot of them. Your pharmacist will have pills to help with them though. You can just walk into a chemist and ask. However, your gp may want to note that you've had one; you will have to keep an eye on when/whether you get any more and ow debilitating they are.

You can get a number of effects, not just the aura - that's the crystal which disturbs your vision. You can be a bit dizzy, sick, tired, to different degrees. Not all migraines are the same.

It can help afterwards if you eat natural yoghurt or a banana. A migraine can upset your whole system so something like a banana which is nutritious but fairly uncontentious is good to help settle your digestive system.

As for your dh. He is an arsewipe. As you're planning to do it anyway, the sooner you dump him the better.

cjel · 23/03/2013 23:24

Just read Jux and remembered that when I started to get them badly I was recommended magnesium and now take a supplement with that in it. Probably why the bananas work?

VisualiseAHorse · 23/03/2013 23:32

I was careful to clearly repeat that my head was hurting badly several times to make it clear to DP I was going to the bedroom for rest.

You had to make it clear that you were going to rest? My OH never assumes that just because I'm in bed/in the bedroom that I'm up for sex.

Jux · 24/03/2013 12:56

Does he do this sort of thing often?
Are you able to tell him when you're upset/angry about something, and he listens?

Stropzilla · 24/03/2013 13:06

I get migraines like this. They get to the point where if my dp tried to have sex with me I would be unable to respond in any way. Mostly because I'm paralysed. My limbs won't work and I can't speak. I worry if op had been like that would he have stopped? My dh doesn't come near me with a migraine due to the pain I'm in!

Fairenuff · 24/03/2013 13:09

OP have you ever turned him down before? Or do you always go along with it even if you don't want to?

TheBigJessie · 24/03/2013 13:17

DP suggests I might have a migraine (I have never had one before) I go to bed as I am feeling funny and headachy.

What the fuck kind of man could say "you might have a migraine" and then tries to initiate sex, and then gets into a huff about being rejected? It's not like he didn't realise what kind of state she was in from the start?!

SueDoku · 24/03/2013 13:58

How are you OP? Did you manage to see an optician yesterday - let us know how you got on -- it's worrying when there's no update on something as serious as this...

EggyFucker · 24/03/2013 14:06

I had those symptoms whilst taking the contraceptive pill. The first time it happened I thought I was having a stroke ! Diagnosis: visual migraine. Solution: stop taking the pill.

The migraines are sortable.

This sexually abusive man is a bigger problem. It appears OP has disappeared though, unfortunately.

HotCrossPun · 24/03/2013 14:13

You deserve much, much better OP.

In the past I've stayed with abusive fuckwits purely because I thought that's all there was.

There are much better men out there who will treat you with the respect you deserve.

I hope you are feeling better today

Original poster

Purplefurrydice · 25/03/2013 19:51

Thank you everyone for your kind comments. After I posted on Saturday I went to get dressed to go out, but started feeling bad again so I led down and fell asleep for 4/5 hours! I went see my GP this morning who was very helpful. He said it sounded like I had a migraine but he thought it was quite unusual to get to my current age and then have one out of the blue. Anyway, I have been taken of the combined pill (which I have been on for years) and I have to go back tomorrow morning for a blood test.

OP posts:

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