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AIBU?

Aibu to not expect 'D'P to not act like a twat (warning TMI)

96 replies

Purplefurrydice · 23/03/2013 13:32

I get home from an exercise session and get in the bath. After a few minutes I start to get a sparkly zig zig crystal thing in my left eye and can't see. This stops after about 10-15 minutes. I get out the bath and tell DP what has happened as I am a bit frightened by this. DP suggests I might have a migraine (I have never had one before) I go to bed as I am feeling funny and headachy. DP joins me in bed (despite me tell I feel headachy and need to rest). DP starts massaging my leg (which is nice) and then moves up to my lower back/bum. He then proceeds to start poking me in my bum with his erect penis. I do not respond as I am trying to rest/sleep. DP continues poking me. I start gently sobbing. DP gets huffy as I won't open my legs. I tell him my head is hurting and I am trying to rest and start sobbing loudly. DP goes off in a huff.

Aibu not to expect DP to act like a twat and consider my feelings?

OP posts:

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Jux · 25/03/2013 22:06

I don't know how old you are, op, but my first migraine happened when I was 31.

cjel · 25/03/2013 22:09

Mine was on my 40th birthday!!

MummytoMog · 25/03/2013 22:17

I had my first creepy visual disturbance migraine at 33. Was vile. But much better than the vomiting, hideously painful kind. I've also had the pokey penis thing from DH - basically, men are stupid and sometimes need an overt fuck off. Not to say he didn't behave appallingly, but men are fecking idiots. Like I tried to give OH a cuddle this morning, and he thought I wanted a shag. Dick.

pinkyredrose · 26/03/2013 12:05

basically, men are stupid and sometimes need an overt fuck off no that's just SOME men. Men who are decent human beings who care about their partners don't use them as fuckholes.

Glad you went to th Dr OP. What are you going to do about your partner though?

EuroShaggleton · 26/03/2013 12:29

OP, you need to get out of that relationship, but it sounds like you know that already. He is a horrible rapey tw@t. Get away from him as soon as you can.

OxfordBags · 26/03/2013 12:51

No, men are not stupid and fecking idiots. They are adults, just like women, and they have common sense, self-control and decent standards of behaviour and morality. Normal, decent human adults do not need overt fuck-offs or lessons on what is appropriate, etc.

Moreover, abusers and rapists/potential-rapists are not stupid, fecking idiots either. They are also totally in control of their own behaviour; they just choose to be selfish and further their own needs.

This way of talking about men is not only preposterous but also highly insulting to men.

There's only one reasons that individuals behave this way: they are abusive, thoughtless cunts. Not because they are men.

Buddhagirl · 26/03/2013 13:30

I would say that is abuse. He did not rape you obviously but he is using emotional blackmail to get his end away, I would leave him if I were you. Don't say that to be horrible, I just think he is acting in a completely unacceptable manner.

Jux · 26/03/2013 22:50

Everything OxfordBags said.

Purple, you need to make a plan.

DeepRedBetty · 27/03/2013 11:46

I think you're going to have that conversation and go earlier than planned OP, before both you and OH end up even more unhappy.

cjel · 27/03/2013 21:56

How are you?

Purplefurrydice · 27/03/2013 22:19

Been feeling headachy with really painful/sore neck today. Get blood test results back tomorrow then have to have another appointment with my GP.

My DP appeared to be quite surprised when I told him what my GP had said and that I had to go back the very next morning for a blood test.

Out of the blue he has now thought of something nice we can go at the weekend (but an apology would be much better)

At least having a 4 day weekend means I can plan an exit strategy.

OP posts:

Purplefurrydice · 27/03/2013 22:21

And he cooked dinner and did the washing up last night (but an apology would have been better)

OP posts:

cjel · 27/03/2013 22:23

aorry that you are not feeling well.Take care of yourself and do what you want. Take your time and do it right. Hope you can have a peaceful weekend.x

cjel · 27/03/2013 22:24

The migraine can last days, I have sore neck after mine with an aching head. Feels a bit fuzzy.x

OxfordBags · 28/03/2013 09:51

Um, yeah. A nice cooked dinner and weekend away absolve all sexually abusive behaviour. Good luck

flurp · 28/03/2013 10:06

Good job you are making plans to leave him. He's just made it a bit easier for you to go!
Its worrying that you didn't feel you could just tell him to leave you alone. If DP tried something like that (and he wouldn't!) I would actually tell him to fuck right off!
It shows a complete lack of respect or kindness for you.
Hope you feel better soon.

cjel · 28/03/2013 20:19

Didn't mean it would go away Oxford - Meant that a nice weekend as oppose to a crap weekend would enable OP to get some strength to move forward. I expect Jesus did weep today its Maunday Thursday, He knew what he was facing tomorrow.

OxfordBags · 28/03/2013 22:05

I dodn't post on response to you, cjel. I was beng sarcastic about the OP's partner's ideas of smoothing over something so vile.

Snort at Maundy Thursday comment

OxfordBags · 28/03/2013 22:06

Dodn't post on? Didn't post in, FFS.

cjel · 28/03/2013 22:16

I guessed that after i scrolled back up and saw that post. I obviously dodn't read them all properly!!

gail734 · 28/03/2013 22:44

Although I'm actually a very healthy person, I've had both migraines and a detached retina. What you're describing sounds exactly like a classic migraine, but not a detached retina, which doesn't actually hurt. The first time I had one, I only had the sparkly, zigzag "aura" and a dull ache. Flaky DH wanted to take me to A&E because he thought I was having a stroke. I waited until the next time, when the visual disturbance was accompanied by real pain. Get to your GP, but don't panic. GP will give you a tablet that you take the minute you see these early signs, to head it off.
As for your DH, sounds like you're getting shot of him anyway. This confirms that you should. He is incapable of sympathising.

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