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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be shocked by this? Or am I just boring...

139 replies

SummerTimeLana · 23/03/2013 00:10

Been with my boyfriend for 7 months now and I've met his family a few times.

His brother invited us out for dinner tonight (to celebrate his daughters birthday)

We went to a buffet, there was 7 adults and 3 young children. Lovely food and not too expensive.

Then the bill came and bf says "Shall we just do a runner?"

And his brother replied with "Yeah I would but it'd be hard to get away fast enough with 3 kids"

They were being deadly serious and it was definitely not a joke.

It would never occur to me to ever do that, if I couldn't afford to eat out then I just wouldn't eat out. Point is everyone tonight could afford to pay - and we did.

I'm not so naive and sheltered to not realise that yes people do this but aibu to be a little shocked by it?

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 23/03/2013 01:17

Being OK with fleecing some poor restaurant owner out of the price of 10 meals isn't what I'd call adventurous.

You must think other people are a right rum lot if you believe they'd see it as that.

YouTheCat · 23/03/2013 01:18

See I wasn't that early with my 'LTB'. Grin

Summer, it is not normal or right to think doing a runner is the thing to do. You stick to your morals and find someone who isn't a thief.

LadyBeagleEyes · 23/03/2013 01:19

But it was all paid at the end I assume?
I'm still waiting for an answer to this.

AgentZigzag · 23/03/2013 01:19

'so what did you say to him when he said they weren't joking? '

And if it wasn't along the lines of 'WTF? Shock don't contact me again', why not? (and I'm presuming you're in two minds over what to think by the way you've worded the thread/posts)

AgentZigzag · 23/03/2013 01:20

You were right Cat, you're obviously better than me at this Grin

RoryAndJess · 23/03/2013 01:21

But it was all paid at the end I assume?
I'm still waiting for an answer to this.

Lady it says in the OP - Point is everyone tonight could afford to pay - and we did.

Booyhoo · 23/03/2013 01:21

have you ever had any inklings of your boyfriend's (or his family's) questionable morality before?

Nirvana1999 · 23/03/2013 01:27

See if the bf was as disgusted as op I wouldn't dump him. If my H had seen my family as a reflection on me he'd never have married me. turns out he was a lying cheating bastard anyway :D

BandersnatchCummerbund · 23/03/2013 01:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Booyhoo · 23/03/2013 01:40

nirvana it was the boyfriend's suggestion to do the runner.

cafecito · 23/03/2013 02:09

she is still a friend, I haven't mentioned it, but I don't see her often. but I am still annoyed...then I think, no, I'm being petty - but I really struggled with DS after that and really, it was not okay

Oopla · 23/03/2013 03:01

Why would his family all go out for a meal if they couldn't afford it?

Damash12 · 23/03/2013 03:10

I'm not sure why so many seem to assume it was a joke when clearly these guys would (if without children) get up and leave without paying. So I'd say A, you're not boring as it's totally wrong and B, your boyfriends a twat!
I think you need to challenge him about it to understand why he thinks this is ok or ....... Let him tell you it was just a joke (but I don't think it was).

YesIamYourSisterInLaw · 23/03/2013 07:17

she is still a friend, I haven't mentioned it, but I don't see her often. but I am still annoyed...then I think, no, I'm being petty - but I really struggled with DS after that and really, it was not okay

You haven't mentioned it [shocked] wtf?

FarBetterNow · 23/03/2013 09:16

I was on a camping trip 20+ years ago, with a large group.
A group went off (not me) for breakfast to the local cafe, which was packed out so service was slow.

They came back quite gleeful that they had slipped out without paying.
I was shocked.

They all ran small businesses too!
People do do it.
OP do a runner from your BF.

Lifeisontheup · 23/03/2013 10:18

We have long and very serious sounding conversations about doing a runner from restaurants. The whole family join in with why it's impossible. We would never dream of actually doing so, it is a family joke but wouldn't be obvious to an outsider.

We also have conversations about the perfect murder yet we're not planning on doing one.

AllDirections · 23/03/2013 10:30

she is still a friend, I haven't mentioned it, but I don't see her often. but I am still annoyed...then I think, no, I'm being petty - but I really struggled with DS after that and really, it was not okay

You are definitely NOT being petty

OP walk away from this relationship (You don't need to run, you haven't stolen anything Grin)

countrykitten · 23/03/2013 10:35

Dump. Him. Now. He and his family sound like scum.

DeepRedBetty · 23/03/2013 10:37

If it wasn't a joke (like the perfect murder conversation Lifeisontheup describes above) then they're awful people and run.

If they all thought it would be funny to wind you up and it was a joke they're also awful people and you should still run.

cozietoesie · 23/03/2013 10:38

You don't do that sort of thing or discuss it - and especially not in front of young children who might be picking up more than you think.

Just leave him, OP. Who knows what else he might get up to or be up to already. His moral compass seems more than a tad wayward.

piprabbit · 23/03/2013 10:50

I've several times been in the situation when the bill arrives, everyone works out what they owe (either individually or just splitting the bill) add 10% for service and find that we are still £20 short of the bill total without a tip. Someone has evidently either put in a tiny amount, or possibly even helped themselves out of the pot. So the honest people have to chip in even more to make up the difference, while the cheapskate keeps stum and joins in the head shaking and sadness. It spoils what would otherwise be a lovely evening.

But I've never been with a group who actually discussed not paying at all, and I really wouldn't want to go out with people who think this is OK (just ike I wouldn't go shopping with a shoplifter).

ipswichwitch · 23/03/2013 10:56

It's not a sense of adventure op. it's theft

trashcanjunkie · 23/03/2013 11:00

I guess the reason people are asking if it's a joke is that they are too shocked to accept this op. Did you speak about it later with your boyfriend? If so what was he saying whilst away from his brother? This is the sort of thing my two brothers would come out with, and they would look and sound serious because their devious minds are actually considering it. I'm not aware of any times they've carried that out, but if they thought they could get away with it they totally would. For totally separate reasons which are foul and lengthy, I don't have any contact with either.

gobbin · 23/03/2013 12:27

A friend and I (both bikers) had a lovely evening out on the bikes, had a pub meal, went back to hers for a brew. As we rode off from the pub I realised I hadn't paid. I though "oh my friend will have paid when she went to the bar for an extra glass of coke."

We got back to hers and realised that neither of us had paid Shock Grin

i rang the pub the next day and sent them a cheque. They were really good about it, we had a laugh on the phone about 'tut... lady bikers' (We're both middle aged) and the landlord said not to bother sending the cash as I'd bothered to ring, but I sent it anyway! Funny as.

VictorTango · 23/03/2013 12:42

I was a waitress back in my yoof and a large group of young males came in and ordered a meal each and lots of jugs of vodka and redbull.

And then did a runner. All of them just stood up and walked out.

My manager told me to chase them .. erm I think not.

People do it all the time.