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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be shocked by this? Or am I just boring...

139 replies

SummerTimeLana · 23/03/2013 00:10

Been with my boyfriend for 7 months now and I've met his family a few times.

His brother invited us out for dinner tonight (to celebrate his daughters birthday)

We went to a buffet, there was 7 adults and 3 young children. Lovely food and not too expensive.

Then the bill came and bf says "Shall we just do a runner?"

And his brother replied with "Yeah I would but it'd be hard to get away fast enough with 3 kids"

They were being deadly serious and it was definitely not a joke.

It would never occur to me to ever do that, if I couldn't afford to eat out then I just wouldn't eat out. Point is everyone tonight could afford to pay - and we did.

I'm not so naive and sheltered to not realise that yes people do this but aibu to be a little shocked by it?

OP posts:
cafecito · 23/03/2013 00:57

I believe, it is a joke

however

I went to dinner with some friends, last year. one of whom was a close friend and 3 of whom were not. They made assumptions about me, ie London professional, could afford things - ordered everything they could, lots of drinks, which I did not have, we then got the bill (I had a tiny tiny little plate of tapas)-

they did a runner

I had to pay that bill. I also had to pay my rent that month, and my son's nursery fees, and without having a job as I gave one up to become a full time student, I left DP so was on my own, and had no student finance at that stage either - well, a massive restaurant bill right then was not what I needed and in fact meant I struggled to care for DS for weeks

so yes, people do do it. they said they do it all the time. they saw nothing wrong with it.

WorraLiberty · 23/03/2013 00:58

YouTheCat not until they've seen the dessert trolley surely? Shock Grin

LadyBeagleEyes · 23/03/2013 00:59

You see, this is why I love you MN.
Lot's of miserable threads then we come up with a gem like this, where the replies are making me PMSL.

Booyhoo · 23/03/2013 01:00

oh cheese Grin i can remember being 34 weeks with a toddler in buggy. if EXp had said "will we do a runner" i would have said, "be my guest, i'll not tell them which way you went" because tehre would have been no chance of me hauling my fat ass out of my chair and getting it and a buggy out of the place quick enough to even look like i was trying to do a runner.

ShannonNoah · 23/03/2013 01:02

I've known people that have done it too. Friends birthday meal, there must have been 16 of us.

3 conveniently left right after the bill came, and the birthday girl ended up paying for them.

So just because people say it as a joke it doesn't mean they don't actually do it.

cerealqueen · 23/03/2013 01:03

Cafe into that is shocking! Did you explain to your friend! Or ex friend, now, I hope?

ThePathanKhansAmnesiac · 23/03/2013 01:03

They not your friends cafe they your born enemies?
What did you do?

I,m not given to violence, but I would have been ripping some hair out by the roots on some ex-friends heads! Skanky fuckers.

YouTheCat · 23/03/2013 01:04

Actually, I've known this happen amongst a bunch of teachers - not done a runner as such but at least one member of teaching staff didn't pay their share and everyone else ended up having to pay more.

Booyhoo · 23/03/2013 01:05

cafe i would have paid for my share and given the restaurant the names and addresses of the cheeky buggers!!

aldiwhore · 23/03/2013 01:05

I've known people do it, I've known people make dead pan jokes about stuff that has shocked me.

SummerTime You have BEGGED the question to be asked "How do you KNOW it wasn't a joke?" which leads me to think, if you have good reason to know it's not a joke, then you have prior knowledge or experience that would bloster that.... which begs the question WTF are you doing with this man?

Whatever way I look at this YABU. Sorry. Drip feed or not.

Booyhoo · 23/03/2013 01:07

my sister actually walked out on lunch recently and left me to pay for hers. it was only a cheap pub lunch but i was really annoyed that just because she had fallen out with me she thought that gave her the right not to pay for her food.

Original poster
SummerTimeLana · 23/03/2013 01:07

Because it was discussed at length. I didn't say anything because I assumed they were joking.

Brothers wife said that they couldn't because they had her details when she booked the table. She genuinely sounded annoyed because they didn't have much money as it was coming towards the end of the month.

There was no laughter, no winks.

I asked bf afterwards and he said no they were being serious.

It wasn't a joke.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 23/03/2013 01:09

Summer, get rid then. He's a twat and so are his family if that is how they behave.

If you can't pay for it, you don't get it.

BabyFaker · 23/03/2013 01:10

Are you sure it wasn't a joke though?

ThePathanKhansAmnesiac · 23/03/2013 01:11

Summer, come back and tell us, my sedative is taking effect, I.must.know.

Come back and drip.

Booyhoo · 23/03/2013 01:11

so what did you say to him?

aldiwhore · 23/03/2013 01:11

Then, what is the AIBU for, you're not daft are you? If you really find this attitude awful (which I do) and feel it's indicative of a major morality split between you and your BF, then LTB! I don't see what alternative you have other than to uncomfortably accept it, go along with it and always feel a bit 'mucky' for the rest of your relationship.

Like I did. Before I LTB! Smile

(There were other issues, but this kind of blaze attitude to paying fairly and PLAYING fair were an early warning alarm that we should never have really been together).

Original poster
SummerTimeLana · 23/03/2013 01:11

Anyway I need to go to sleep now.

Believe me it wasn't a joke. Maybe it's one of those you had to be there to know.

It was a large place, new and very popular ... so Friday night it was of course very busy. They assumed they could get out without noticing - but obviously they had their details.

It's just really saddened me to be honest.

OP posts:
Nirvana1999 · 23/03/2013 01:12

I'm kind of confused why you'd think you were boring for not stealing a meal though. And if you know 100% like you say that they were not joking why you need to even ask if this is ok?

ThePathanKhansAmnesiac · 23/03/2013 01:12

X post Summer.

LadyBeagleEyes · 23/03/2013 01:13

I'ts never, ever happened to me.
I'm in my 50's now, and even in my ripe old age it still hasn't happened.
How very sad, I've either just known honest people in my life or this country is going to the dogs Wink Grin.

Original poster
SummerTimeLana · 23/03/2013 01:14

Because it was a group of people all in agreement. I have been out with friends where the drinks were not put on the bill and they made a swift getaway.

I wondered if I was boring for not having this sense of adventure.

Because I know I could never do it.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 23/03/2013 01:15

Yeah, but, are you sure they weren't joking though?

Wink
ThePathanKhansAmnesiac · 23/03/2013 01:15

Oh no!
Get rid then, or no more meals with the outlaws, and if you have them round at yours, keep your hands on your condiments.

Booyhoo · 23/03/2013 01:16

so what did you say to him when he said they weren't joking?

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