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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

... to be so angry with my dh that I can't look at him

66 replies

13lucky · 22/03/2013 20:28

Last night my dh went out with his work - said he wouldn't be late...I wouldn't have minded him being late but he was adamant he wasn't going to be. Had a text from him at 4.30pm and then didn't hear anything but I went to bed fairly early so just assumed he'd be back at some point, no problem. I woke up at 1.30am and realised he wasn't home. Checked my phone, no messages, nothing. I tried calling him...it rang and rang, then voicemail. I left a desperate message asking him to call. I didn't know any names of people he'd been out with so didn't know what to do next. I had two small children asleep in the house. I called my brother who lives nearby and he agreed to go out and check the place where dh parks his car to get the train to see if it was still there. Meanwhile I called and called and called his mobile. Still no answer. Then I called A&E at our nearest hospital as I was beside myself by then. I then get a text message which said 'g.j.o'...at which point all sorts were going through my head - someone has beaten him up and has his phone and thinks it's funny to text this etc etc. Eventually at 2.15am, he called me to let me know he'd passed out on the train and just been woken up by a cleaner! I was livid. I spoke to the guy on the phone because dh wasn't making any sense and he kindly offered to drive dh home...way above and beyond his job, bless him. Dh was too ill to go to work today. I am livid with him for putting me through the worst hour and night of my life and I can't bear to speak or look at him at the moment. I know I am probably being unreasonable and blokes are stupid sometimes, but honestly, I thought he was dead.

OP posts:
MsHighwater · 22/03/2013 22:02

I'm also stunned at those who think the OP's reaction was OTT. If my DH had insisted he would not be late but was still not home at 1.30 am and not answering his phone, I'm damn sure I'd be calling the police. Why would you not?

everlong · 22/03/2013 22:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

catgirl1976 · 22/03/2013 22:05

What do you think the police would do MsHighwater?

Because honestly, they wouldn't do a thing.

fairylightsinthesnow · 22/03/2013 22:07

my DH did this once, though it seems likely that his drink was spiked and he was robbed into the bargain. He rang me via the operator in the small hours, no idea where he was or what had happened to him, no phone or wallet. He was about 40 miles from home and I couldn't drive to get him for various reasons. I somehow persuaded a cab company to go and find him once he'd worked out from the phone box where he was and they brought him home but it was awful. He could easily have had an accident, fallen from a platform etc so I don't think the OP is being U to react the way she did if it was out of character. OP, if this was truly a one off, provided he is honestly contrite and learns from it, I think you need to let it go, but you are absolutely entitled to be clear in your expectations for a subsequent night out and how he will contact you, get home etc.

Dinosaurhunter · 22/03/2013 22:08

Calling the police at 130 for a grown adult out drinking with mates Get a grip !

catgirl1976 · 22/03/2013 22:10

I'm still chuckling trying to imagine how that call to the police would go :)

I'm not being horrible. I don't think the OP was U to be worried or to be angry. I just think the level of reaction seems OTT and as for calling the police............ Confused

TigOldBitties · 22/03/2013 22:12

LOL the police?!!!! They wouldn't give a shit.

Mummalish · 22/03/2013 22:18

Just because you're married to him doesn't mean you own him. How selfish of him to go out and have fun. He's a grown man. Maybe he needed a good night out.

GrowSomeCress · 22/03/2013 22:23

Mummalish "go out and have fun" is one thing but passing out on a train is seriously disgusting behaviour and not what you'd expect from a grown adult, how sad

AgentZigzag · 22/03/2013 22:26

How would you say that to the police MsH?

'I'm really worried about my DH, he said he'd be back at 4.30pm and he's not back yet'

'Did your DH say he was going?'

'Yes, for a drink with work colleagues'

'Riiight Hmm'

sweetiepie1979 · 22/03/2013 22:37

Ach if it's a one off let it go. Your over reacting.

nkf · 22/03/2013 22:40

You panicked and you were frightened. And it was the middle of the night. I have a hyper imagination too. Tell him how worried you were, give him a hug and let it go.

Buddhagirl · 22/03/2013 22:55

7am, no answer? Then I would freak out. Ipersonally think getting that drunk once or twice doesnt warrant you being so angry you can't look at him though. Yabu.

You are not his mother and no one likes to feel smothered. What he did was stupid, but not horrendously so and we all do stupid things.

Compassion?

Iaintdunnuffink · 22/03/2013 23:46

I would be worried but think you over reacted.

I don't know if its only men who are stupid sometimes! I've been married with children for over a decade and have had a couple of very stoopid moments. My husband has laughed at me, given tlc, then not gone on about it. I've done the same for him. It's a rare for us to go out and get hammered, if its a one off I would let it go.

Once after stopping breast feeding I met up with friends for lunch and a few drinks. Don't know what happened! I've told my friends and husband never to mention it again because it never happened. I'm sure they all do but behind my back Grin Then there was the time I missed the last tube, got into a taxi, realised my wallet had been stollen, ended up with a hundred pound taxi fee to get me back home. It is not held against me.

delboysfileofax · 22/03/2013 23:51

More to the point OP I hope you or your hubby are going to do something nice for the cleaner who brought him back? That poor guy is probably on minimum wage in one of the most thankless jobs in this country! He went well above and beyond

MsHighwater · 23/03/2013 01:09

Ok, perhaps I wouldn't have actually called the police at 1.30 but I think a reasonable reaction is somewhere above "Well, he's an adult having a drink with mates. What does it matter that he said he'd be home hours ago and there's no sign yet and he's not answering his phone at all. What could possibly have happened to make him several hours late during/after a night on the piss and a train ride home. Silly me for worrying." Is it not reasonable to expect a partner/spouse to be honest about their plans, including informing their other half when the plans change? Besides for a supposed adult to be so pissed and then hungover as to be unable to go to work the next day is pretty shit and not deserving of any understanding on the partner's part.

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