Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

... to be so angry with my dh that I can't look at him

66 replies

13lucky · 22/03/2013 20:28

Last night my dh went out with his work - said he wouldn't be late...I wouldn't have minded him being late but he was adamant he wasn't going to be. Had a text from him at 4.30pm and then didn't hear anything but I went to bed fairly early so just assumed he'd be back at some point, no problem. I woke up at 1.30am and realised he wasn't home. Checked my phone, no messages, nothing. I tried calling him...it rang and rang, then voicemail. I left a desperate message asking him to call. I didn't know any names of people he'd been out with so didn't know what to do next. I had two small children asleep in the house. I called my brother who lives nearby and he agreed to go out and check the place where dh parks his car to get the train to see if it was still there. Meanwhile I called and called and called his mobile. Still no answer. Then I called A&E at our nearest hospital as I was beside myself by then. I then get a text message which said 'g.j.o'...at which point all sorts were going through my head - someone has beaten him up and has his phone and thinks it's funny to text this etc etc. Eventually at 2.15am, he called me to let me know he'd passed out on the train and just been woken up by a cleaner! I was livid. I spoke to the guy on the phone because dh wasn't making any sense and he kindly offered to drive dh home...way above and beyond his job, bless him. Dh was too ill to go to work today. I am livid with him for putting me through the worst hour and night of my life and I can't bear to speak or look at him at the moment. I know I am probably being unreasonable and blokes are stupid sometimes, but honestly, I thought he was dead.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 22/03/2013 20:31

If he was so drunk that he's had to miss work, then yanbu at all.

He is taking the piss.

AnnieLobeseder · 22/03/2013 20:31

No adult human being should drink so much that they lapse into unconciousness on a train and need to be driven home by a cleaner. The cleaner should have called the police, it would have been a far more fitting response to such appalling, immature, antisocial behaviour.

I like drink, to like socialising. But I will never get my head around the way adults drink themselves into a stupor in this country. Why? It's horrible!

I wouldn't be speaking to him either.

SnotMeReally · 22/03/2013 20:31

At least he's safe and well, must have been very worrying, totally see why you are still mad at him though

is he the type to make it up to you/apologise, or will he sulk if you say anything?

Casmama · 22/03/2013 20:32

I can understand you being annoyed but I think assuming he was dead was a pretty wild over reaction. Hopefully he is very shamefaced and will have learned his lesson.
If he is genuinely sorry then I think I would let it go- this time

AgentZigzag · 22/03/2013 20:33

I can only think you've never had anyone stay out longer than they've said they would, because the way you reacted would be pretty OTT to me.

My first reaction would be that he's gone out and had more than he planned, be pissed off he got into such a state that he's fallen asleep on a train (if I believed it, which I probably wouldn't) but going straight into ringing the hospital and leaving him desperate messages is a bit dramatic.

ilovesooty · 22/03/2013 20:35

I think you are quite reasonable to object to him becoming so pissed at a work do he couldn't get to work the next day. How is that going to look?

Lucyellensmum95 · 22/03/2013 20:37

WEll i hope you bashed and clattered around the house today, or left him with the LOs Your reaction suggests that he never usually does this sort of thing so i would be pissed off yes, but let it go, don't let it spoil the weekend, just demand a lie in tomorrow :)

Icelollycraving · 22/03/2013 20:37

I think you were ott in your reaction. He shouldn't have got that drunk though,hope you gave the cleaner some petrol money!

SnotMeReally · 22/03/2013 20:38

it all depends on previous behaviour - if OPs DH Never gets rat arsed and NEVER fails to contact her if he's going to be late I can see why she jumps straight to "OMG he's had an accident"

if you have DHs who do get plastered on a night out and you dont expect them to be back when they say, you'll be less inclined to panic

I know someone who did lose their DP - did worry when he did not call when running late, could not get him on his phone, and he had been killed in an RTA

StaticSockMonster · 22/03/2013 20:40

My OH did this once.
Even when drunk he messages me garbled messages that only I could possibly decipher.
I knew he had got on train from London but five hours later and no response to messages i'd sent, there was no news.
So I checked on google latitude (we have this activated on our phones as I often get lost and am shit at finding my way anywhere and he has called me before - drunk - not knowing where he is!)
Anyway, turns out he is in a completely different county!
He had fallen asleep, pissed up, on the train.
He had to pay a fortune to get a taxi home cuz there was no way I was going to fetch him.
He hasn't done it again Wink

13lucky · 22/03/2013 20:41

Yes, he always (well clearly not 'always'!) texts me to say he's getting on the train...maybe sometimes with a 'sorry I'm a bit later than I said'...kind of thing. Never have I woken at 1.30am and not heard anything at all.

OP posts:
StuffezLaBouche · 22/03/2013 20:43

Quite shocked people are saying this behaviour is ok and the OP was OTT. At what point would it have been not ok?!
He goes out, gets so drunk he has to be driven home by a stranger - ah it's fine he's an adult!
He goes out, gets so drunk he falls and breaks his leg? Ah, so what, let him get on with it! And so on.

There is no reason an adult with responsibilities such as family and job needs to get in this state. What an idiot.

DoeEyedBeauties · 22/03/2013 20:45

He should be ashamed he put himself in harms way. He has two children who would miss their dad if something bad happened.

Stupid thing to do, really.

Enjoy yourself by all means, but do so responsibly!

AgentZigzag · 22/03/2013 20:45

Who said he was OK going out and getting steaming drunk Stuffez?

I must have missed that post.

HollyBerryBush · 22/03/2013 20:49

LMAO - sorry - I remember my then manager doing the same, got utterly slaughtered, last train home, fell asleep, woke up waaaaaaay past his destination, changed trains, fell asleep, woke up in sidings, milk train back to work, into M&S for a clean shirt .... mind you he had to nip in to the work showers to get rid of the bowl of spaghetti his typist (as they were back then) had tipped over his head.

his wife gave him absolute shit

sigh< ahhhh!

StuffezLaBouche · 22/03/2013 20:53

My mistake agentzigzag, but the fact you thought the OP was dramatic and OTT in her reaction implies HIS actions were nothing to get worked up by.
Thanks for the snarky tone though.

everlong · 22/03/2013 20:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgentZigzag · 22/03/2013 20:58

Grin at 'snarky tone'.

Where in that post was I snarky? I skim read and miss posts/bits of post all the time.

catgirl1976 · 22/03/2013 21:02

Your reaction on really having a panic and phoning people, getting people to look for him and ringing A&E etc sounds massively OTT

On the other hand, your DHs behaviour is very childish.

If this was a one off I think you should forgive him whilst making it clear he acted like a twunt and needs to apologise

If he makes a habit of it (and I am guessing he doesn't by your re-action) then it's a biger problem.

TigOldBitties · 22/03/2013 21:07

You're reaction to him not being there, the phoning A&E etc was ridiculous and majorly over the top.

However I don't think you're being unreasonable to be angry that he got so pissed and missed work.

Still can't work out why you would be so angry you can't look at him though.

13lucky · 22/03/2013 21:08

Thank you for your replies. For the people that think the reaction to have a panic and phone family to look for him at 1.45am is an OTT reaction - would you not worry at all if you hadn't heard from your other half since the afternoon before knowing the last train got in at 1am and knowing he said he wouldn't be late, normally always texts and hadn't sent anything? I don't mind being told I'm being OTT, that's why I've posted, I just wonder at what point you would be worried?

OP posts:
MsVestibule · 22/03/2013 21:08

As this would have been completely out of character for my very predictable DH, I would have been as worried as you. What was his reaction this morning, though? If he's mortified and very apologetic, I'd probably let it go after a few days Wink.

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 22/03/2013 21:09

If he went out with work, then missed work due to being a stupid, irresponsible piss-head, how has he managed to square that with his boss? I mean, he can hardly lie or make excuses about why he wasn't at work, can he?

everlong · 22/03/2013 21:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mooshbag · 22/03/2013 21:11

YANBU

Swipe left for the next trending thread