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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be really proud of dh but to not know how to support him

20 replies

MrsKeithRichards · 18/03/2013 22:14

He's stopping smoking.

We both smoke, me 10 a week, if that. 2 a week on my way to work and a few at the weekends with a glass of wine.

He smokes 12 - 15 a day. That's less than before but still more than we can afford. It wasn't until I mentioned his habit map costing £120 a month that it sort of fell into place for him. Yesterday morning after our chat he decided that was enough. He's stopping.

He hasn't had a smoke since. I'm really pleased with him. I don't know how to support him though. Even though I smoke its barely enough to call an addiction. It's more habitual and connected to certain things. It's not a problem but I will not bother smoking again. I just know his habit is much worse and tomorrow he'll struggle on the way to work, at break times etc.

I really want him to succeeded, how can I help him?

OP posts:

kinkyfuckery · 18/03/2013 22:19

Honestly, I think the best support you could give him would be to also stop smoking.

WorraLiberty · 18/03/2013 22:20

If he reaches the point where he finds himself buying a pack of fags, suggest the E.Cig to him.

It was an absolute godsend to me and you'll enjoy it too with a few drinks!

Original poster

MrsKeithRichards · 18/03/2013 22:22

I will be stopping. I haven't had a cig since last weekend. That's quite normal for me and I feel daft even counting that as stopping, it's just not smoking!

OP posts:

Original poster

MrsKeithRichards · 18/03/2013 22:24

Yeah I've tried a mates e cig, am worried about the nasties in them. Oh the irony!

I was going to order one but I think breaking the associations for him as quickly as possible would be useful.

OP posts:

TheEasterQODdy · 18/03/2013 22:26

My dh is on champix
He is adamant that they're crap and don't work
He hasn't had a fag since last Sunday

He won't have it that the two are connected

jkklpu · 18/03/2013 22:28

give up

TheFallenNinja · 18/03/2013 22:29

If your only on ten a week then just make sure that you don't ever come home smelling of fags.

To him you will seem like Kylie just rocked up in a thong with a six pack and a kebab.

BumpingFuglies · 18/03/2013 22:33

Just tell him how much you love him and how fabulous he is. Don't "go on" - that's worse than saying nothing, regardless of whether you are being positive or negative.

Talk about the future - anything that is not connected with smoking.

Best wishes to you both

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 18/03/2013 22:38

NHS Stop Smoking ( Smoking Cessation Clinics I think they're called)

Boxing gloves. You can't open a packet of tabs or use a lighter wearing them

Helpful, not.

WorraLiberty · 18/03/2013 22:44

I was going to order one but I think breaking the associations for him as quickly as possible would be useful.

Well I can see (and agree with) the common sense in that...but that's not always the way it works out.

I'm just suggesting it, if he gets to the point where he cracks and starts buying actual cigarettes again.

E.Cigs only contain nicotine and whilst it's addictive, it's nothing like as bad as all the other nasties that cigarettes contain.

For me personally, it was much better than gum/patches/inhalers etc...because it gave you the instant 'hit' you crave.

I wish him all the luck in the world but keep this link handy just in case.

IMO these are the best and much better than the cheaper copies

Magimedi · 18/03/2013 23:10

Well done to MrKeithRichards.

I have never been able to understand people who can just smoke an occasional cig, like you Mrs KR. It has always been all or nothing for me.

Today is my 6 months without a cig & I would never have done it without e cigs - so this is an echo of Worra's post. They are truly a miracle.

DoJo · 19/03/2013 08:17

I remember and advert from probably the 80s with John Cleese I believe whereby he tipped the contents of an ash tray into a jar, added water and recommended that every time you fancied a cigarette, you give the jar a shake, take the lid off and have a good long sniff of the contents. Personally, I gave up when I was pregnant and that was all the incentive needed, but this might work for your husband if he starts to waver (in fact, it makes me feel queasy just thinking about it!).

fluffyraggies · 19/03/2013 08:28

DH gave up before xmas last year. He just stopped overnight - no patches or gums. I wanted to 'help' somehow (i don't smoke) but once he had made his decision he just wanted to get on with it. He told me mentioning it just made him think of it.

Every now and again i'll say - i'm proud of you for quitting, but i make sure i do it when he's obviously in a good mood and not likely to be hankering at that very moment

It's a struggle for him - he's surrounded by smokers at work - i think he's done bloody fabulously.

FairPhyllis · 19/03/2013 08:41

If you are really married to Keith Richards then I think the damage to his body has been done and giving up smoking will have negligible effect.

Agree the single most helpful thing you can do is to give up too. It is really hard for ex-smokers to be around smoke. My dad still finds it torture and he gave up 30+ years ago.

footphobic · 19/03/2013 10:39

Well done your DH! I agree you must also 'officially' give up to support him.

Some people can successfully give up cold turkey, particularly if they are 'ready' and in the right frame of mind to give up. I got to that stage and was no longer enjoying any cigarettes, in fact I really resented the addiction and the dependence, worried about the money and the smell, and it actually disgusted me in the end. I just needed to break the chemical addiction and physical cravings. It is such a relief when you give up, very liberating and life improving in so many ways.

I think lots of people do need more support though, they know they must/should give up but for some it will be hard mentally and physically. Research shows that using nicotine replacement therapy significantly increases your chances of success, by 2 to 3 times, surely it's worth going down this route to help increase chances for success? You can get it on prescription, or free from some clinics.

There are some facts on NRT here

Also have a look here on the NHS site. There is some helpful info and support here which might help you support him. Use any resources available.

In the beginning, change routine to break the cycle of those real 'out of habit' cigs. My worst cravings were with coffee and after a meal, again where I would always sit down with a coffee. So the coffee went for a while. Do something different during work breaks or difficult times, go for a walk, clean your teeth, anything to change the pattern, break habits and reduce the craving.

Put the saved money away.

Good luck

SoHHKB · 19/03/2013 10:46

Just to say my dp gave up at New Year and hasn't slipped at all - I'm so proud of him. I asked how I could help and he said just not to ask him or talk about smoking at all because that reminded him. I found it quite hard because I wanted to know how he was getting on, especially when he was being grumpy as hell a bit tetchy...
I noticed he snacked more, especially in the evening when he was in the habit of popping out after tea and again before bed - maybe you could make sure there are a few tasty treats in the house as a distraction...?
Good luck to you both

Floralnomad · 19/03/2013 10:56

Try to put the money you both would have spent on ciggies in a jar , it soon mounts up and that's an incentive to keep going as in a few months you can have a real treat . Well done to your husband .

GloriaPritchett · 19/03/2013 11:53

My mum's GP recommended that she eat proper chewy (ie. glue your teeth together) sweets whenever she had a craving. She swears it helped (her dentist probably doesn't )

MansView · 19/03/2013 12:09

I gave yup smoking around 18 months ago -tho, I wasn't a heavy smoker, normally around 4-5 rollies a day?

I did find it quite easy - but what made it easy (as I'd tried to give up in the past) was the fact I actually wanted to give up rather than people saying I should give up, or that I should give up for my health etc...

once anyone gets into the mindset of wanting to give up then they will...if you don't want to give up then you won't - simple as.

the hardest thing was the routine - I'd have one of a morning - but also when I got back from work whilst making some food etc - the food would be one and there'd be a step missing from my routine...but once I overcame this it was fine...

freedom2011 · 19/03/2013 12:14

My DH never complained when I smoked. But after I stopped we dd a lot more exercise together and he said I smelt better. Can you do partake in joint activites which celebrate your increasing lung capacity?

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