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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Big row. Festival or GCSE results? Is DS BU or me?

131 replies

slambang · 18/03/2013 21:26

The scenario: Ds (16) is going to a festival with friends in August. (Borrowing money from me and paying me back from his paper round.) He's sensible, hard working, aiming high.

The issue: Festival proper starts Thursday but friends (also yr 11) are buying early bird tickets to get to festival on Wednesday (best camping spots, unsigned acts playing). Ds wants to go early too. But the Thursday is GCSE results day.

I say DS should go to festival on Thursday after picking up his results. He can meet friends there. I will take him if there's no lift to share. He should be keen to find out his results.

Ds says his results are not going to change if he doesn't collect them until the next week. He doesn't need to know them immediately. He wants to go on the Wednesday.

(This is the polite version and I'm trying to be fair to both sides. Swear words were used. Wink)

Jury please!

OP posts:
ArseAche · 19/03/2013 08:07

My DS wasn't even interested in his results. Not one bit. DD very excited and nervous, but alot of children, boys in particular don't even think about education unless they are sitting in the classroom Well that is my experience!

maddy68 · 19/03/2013 08:26

A parent can collect them Id let him go At my school loads of kids don't collect them abc they get posted out

mumblechum1 · 19/03/2013 08:29

Your DS is right. Mine was in California when his came out so didn't see them till a week later. Makes no difference whatsoever unless your DS is likely to bomb and not get his place for sixth form.

Jengnr · 19/03/2013 08:31

The results will still be there afterwards, the festival won't.

Let him go.

stella1w · 19/03/2013 08:32

Yabu. I think being able to wait for results shows a lot of maturity. The festival sounds fun.

shewhowines · 19/03/2013 08:35

YABU

Startail · 19/03/2013 08:38

Our school gave results over the phone. 20 mile radius catchment. They didn't expect us to drive in. In fact I was in Cornwall for one set of results and rang from a call box in a gale. I couldn't get the door open it was so windy, Yes it was August!

Then they were sent out a day or so later in the post.

I don't know if he'd let you open the letter?

hellsbells99 · 19/03/2013 08:40

Our school allows someone else to pick them up if the pupil gives written permission. He doesn't need to go himself - let him enjoy the festival!

GreatSoprendo · 19/03/2013 08:41

I was away at a festival when my GCSE results came out 20 years ago and my parents were abroad. Just made arrangements with school to phone for results from a pay phone ('twas pre-mobile phones!). No big deal. Pay phone queues were full of other kids also picking up their results too, and it was a great place to celebrate or otherwise.....
Hope he has a great time!

SomethingOnce · 19/03/2013 08:42

Festival - if he's been working hard he deserves it and won't make any difference to the results anyway.

Can't you collect the results and phone them through to him if you are keener than him to find out what his grades are?

BellaVita · 19/03/2013 08:48

DS is going on the Thursday after the results. He needs to ring the results through to College.

I can kind of understand though wanting to be at the festival early to get their place and be set up.

Luckily for DS they have bought a package whereby the tent is already set up with air bed and sleeping bags and they can just walk away too at the end of the festival without the worry of taking it down/packing it away.

Trills · 19/03/2013 08:50

YABU

There's no need to go pick up your results in person - as he says nothing will change, they were decided months before.

It's not like A-level results where you may have not gotten into your chosen university and need to get onto the Clearing process ASAP.

sheeplikessleep · 19/03/2013 08:52

I actually think your son is being quite sensible.
He wants to enjoy his weekend away, the results could (although I'm not saying they will!) affect that, either way. At the very least, he could be getting stressed about opening them up etc. It does make more sense, on paper, to go along to the festival, enjoy it and enjoy the results when he gets back.
He sounds very sensible, level headed and quite chilled about it all. I'd be quite proud to be honest, as those are good qualities to go into life with!
Even if you are chomping at the bit Grin

Szeli · 19/03/2013 10:07

Nothing happens on the Wednesday and he could have his friends set up or he could nip home Thursday (depending on your locality) but I assume that's a no goer for him too.

I'd let him go on the proviso that he rings and sorts everything first thing Thursday or you can open then for him.

Hope he's got an over 18 going with him... Or il have to shut my ears at news of underage ticket holders haha (I'm assuming this is Reading/Leeds) xx

Pigsmummy · 19/03/2013 10:17

You can collect them or they can wait? Yabu

Blu · 19/03/2013 12:02

YABU (we know that now Smile) but also i think you would BU to look online and get his results before he does. He took the exams, they are HIS results. You sound quite...involved. Support him, but let him grow up!

Blu · 19/03/2013 12:04

And don't 'let him sweat it out'.
Why should you be putting such pressure on him?

Goodness me.

And respect his privacy wrt to his results when they come. No pre-viewing them while he is away.

tbh I am not surprised swear words were used by him in the original 'discussion'. I think you should apologise to him for your degree of overbearingness.

everlong · 19/03/2013 12:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gilly86 · 19/03/2013 12:14

Let him go early... He's right.. If u get the early bird tickets you can get a much better camping spot amongst other cool perks!
I've been to a lot of festivals in my time and always got the early bird tickets... It's worth it!
I was on holiday with my parents when it was gcse results day.. My grandad picked them up and told me my results over the phone.
Turns out he didn't even tell me right and got the RIGHT results when we got back from holiday a week later.

It's fine... Let him go with his friends on Wednesday Smile

flowery · 19/03/2013 12:20

Of course YABU. They are his results, it's up to him when he collects them.

Pandemoniaa · 19/03/2013 12:25

Definitely let him go to the festival. As he says, the results won't be any different regardless of when he receives them and he's not got to worry about clearing or anything that might realistically need his urgent attention.

It'd be awful to watch your friends going off to have fun at the festival knowing that all you are staying behind for is to get your results - and quite possibly feel weighted down by parental expectation too!

But then I speak as the parent who was in Barcelona when ds1's results came out. It caused neither of us any trauma, it has to be said and ds1 said that actually, it would have been far worse having me hovering about wondering.

oscarwilde · 19/03/2013 12:30

YABU - the results won't change and imo it's actually a good thing to wait until he gets back.
a) if he gets a stonking set of results he might be more likely to get utterly sh*tfaced to celebrate
b) if he doesn't get the grades he worked for, it will put a downer on his weekend. You say he is a hardworking sensible guy so he's unlikely to flunk his GCSE's but we've all gotten grades that we've been less than happy with.
If YOU can't wait, arrange to collect them on his behalf and if he wants you to open them and give him the results over the phone then you can do it. Very unfair to open them without his consent though.

youmaycallmeSSP · 19/03/2013 12:32

YABU. I take it that this is Reading? I did exactly the same thing the year I took my GCSEs. My parents picked up my results for me and told me what I'd got over the phone. So play this right and you will know the results before he does! Win-win :)

5Foot5 · 19/03/2013 13:24

If it were his A levels then I would agree with you because if they were not as good as he hoped then presumably he would need to start the clearing process asap.

But GCSE can surely wait a few days.

DD got hers last summer and we had booked to be away on holiday so she had to get them by post. I think she was a bit frustrated getting texts from all her friends with their news and not knowing her own but it's not the end of the world

exoticfruits · 19/03/2013 14:20

Is there any reason-other than you have to wait?