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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset by DH's comment, or am I just being too sensitive?

49 replies

ShannonNoah · 18/03/2013 01:58

I have a older sister (there is only 18ish months between us) and we do look very alike.

Since about the age of 18 I have always been a size 12. Happy with that. My sister has probably been an 18/16 - she has lost a lot of weight by doing the Alternate Day Diet and is now probably a size 10/8.

Really happy for her because I know she wasn't happy before and she has so much more confidence and it's so lovely to see.

Anyway, we went out this evening - me, DH, my sister and a couple of other people.

The other people we were out with hadn't seen DS in a while so were giving her compliments and saying how lovely she looked etc. When my DH said "I know, looks like I married the wrong sister"

It just made me feel quite low ... and I don't see why he couldn't have just agreed with them and said yes she does look lovely.

Aibu and just generally being too sensitive?

OP posts:
Tolly81 · 18/03/2013 02:21

YANBU, that comment is offensive, hurtful and twatish. You probably should have said looks like I married the wrong man too but I wouldn't wish you on my sister! I'm hoping he doesn't realise and didn't mean to be so rude and hurtful but if he often makes comments like this then he sounds like a dick. I would certainly explain to him that his comment is really hurtful and (in case he doesn't get it) ask how he'd feel if you said it about one of his friends who had lost weight/been going to the gym etc.

notimefors · 18/03/2013 02:23

That is quite rude!

MidnightMasquerader · 18/03/2013 02:28

I agree it's rude, but I'm sure it was only a cack-handed joke and he doesn't actually think that.

Well, I hope. What's his sense of humour normally like?

phoenixrose314 · 18/03/2013 02:28

I'm sure that in the mind of your DH, he was only thinking about paying your sister a compliment and making her feel good about herself, without even thinking about your feelings!! It's the sort of thing my hubby does and never means to - I'd just pull hubby aside and say very forthrightly, look I know you didn't mean it but you really hurt my feelings with that comment earlier. Then he will (hopefully) apologise for being a bit of a twat and all will be well!!

Sorry he hurt your feelings though OP - men are such stupid creatures!!

MusicalEndorphins · 18/03/2013 02:53

I also think your dh was just being complimentary to your sister. Giving her some attention to be a nice guy.
Do you think she is more attractive than you and it has made you sensitive? If she was still large would you feel the same way if he said the same thing?

ripsishere · 18/03/2013 04:26

I think YAB a bit U. It's the sort of thing my DH would say. I wouldn't take offense at it.
Actually DH did say it at his brother's wedding. Stupid man.

KeatsiePie · 18/03/2013 04:31

Wow, that is mean. Is it out of character for him to say something that makes it sound like he wishes he weren't stuck with you, in front of other people? YANBU. Honestly that would really, really hurt me.

MammaTJ · 18/03/2013 05:35

I think he was just trying to be nice to your sister and ballsed it up.

YANBU but neither was he really, if you look at the intention rather than what he said.

Contradictionincarnate · 18/03/2013 05:38

I think he was concentrating on complementing your sister ...I said the same thing to dh brother I wanted to boost his confidence and didn't mean it. ask him about it.

nosleeps · 18/03/2013 06:12

Had he had a few drinks?
Very clumsy compliment, but probably not realised how it sounded.
Nonetheless, he needs to know how upset you are.

quoteunquote · 18/03/2013 09:02

A tad oversensitive maybe, I wouldn't dwell on it,

he probable just felt secure enough in your relationship, to give such a compliment, pay yourself some credit, he is with you, for many reasons, enjoy it.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 18/03/2013 09:06

You're probably a bit jealous...naturally, you were always the slimmer sister and now she's stolen your crown. I wouldn't be bothered if my DH said that as I'd know he was just clumsily trying to pay my sister a compliment.

What is this Alternate Day diet??

ApocalypseThen · 18/03/2013 09:06

He was probably only trying to be nice to your sister, but I don't think it's unreasonable for you to be hurt by the remark.

But I think you probably also know that it's not us you need to talk to here. I'd be telling my husband that I won't expect to hear remarks like that again.

poocatcherchampion · 18/03/2013 09:09

too sensitive. sort of thing we always say here. no big deal. I don't know if there is any back story though.

Tortington · 18/03/2013 09:12

i'd have kicked in him the cunt for that tbh.

bedmonster · 18/03/2013 09:13

I think it sounds like he was paying your sister some attention to make her feel good. I wouldnt take it to heart, he was probably trying to be nice :)
Unless there's other issues...

mamapants · 18/03/2013 09:15

I would also be a bit hurt but at the same time I would know I was being silly and that he didn't actually mean anything by it.
I would say something knowing that he would be mortified, shower me with compliments and I'd feel better.

GirlWiththeLionHeart · 18/03/2013 09:29

Yanbu that was a cunty joke

pictish · 18/03/2013 09:31

I doubt he intended it as a slur against you, but as a compliment for your sister OP.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 18/03/2013 09:31

YANBU - what a horrible thing to say!!

MunchkinsMumof2 · 18/03/2013 09:33

I think that's a horrible thing to think let alone say! YANBU, I think you should tell him how hurt you feel hearing that.

Still18atheart · 18/03/2013 09:35

I agree that you are right to feel hurt. However, I'm sure he didn't mean to offend you and he was just trying to pay your ds a compliment but it just came out wrong

LandofTute · 18/03/2013 09:37

I think a lot depends on what he is usually like. If he is normally lovely to you then he may not have meant anything by it, but if he is generally not complimentary to you/puts you down then it is not nice. I'm thinking the second if you felt quite low after the comment. Is that right?

NuhichNuhaymuh · 18/03/2013 09:38

If he doesn't normall make comments that put you down I don't think he meant it literally.

It sounds like the sort if stupid numbskulled compliments my Dhaka has been known to make.

Talk to him. Tell him it hurt you, and that its possible to compliment a person with out putting aother person down.

Fakebook · 18/03/2013 09:42

It's an inappropriate joke. I'm surprised your dsis wasn't offended by that either.

I don't see how it's a compliment. Does he think being married to him is an amazing experience or something? Hmm.

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