To refuse to pay for School leaving party without seeing the quotes?

[Sunnymeg]

DS leaves primary in July. Traditionally the leavers have a limousine to a nearby restaurant, a party there and the parents pick them up at the end. I know from other parents that in previous years this came to around £25 and I'm completely happy with that.
All the year 6 mums had a chat, about the leavers, do at the school gates and one of the parents offered to organize it. This is a parent who has had older children leave the primary and knows how it works. She said she would ring around, email everyone to let them know the costs and if everyone was happy she would book the limo and the restaurant.

Well, we have now heard from her, and she has already booked the limo, and also instead of a restaurant, she has booked a party session at a local play centre, as this is what her daughter wants to do and she thought it was a really good idea. She has asked for a £30 deposit and wants another £20 at the beginning of July. It costs children £12 for a day pass at this centre, and £8 for a birthday party so I can't see how her figures add up. I'm skipping over the fact that our DS doesn't really want to go to the play centre. as it is his last chance to do something with his classmates.

Am I being unreasonable to ask to see the quotes, I admit that I'm annoyed that she has booked the play centre off her own bat, is that clouding my judgment over the whole thing?

More than 10 years ago, we used to take our staff up to town in a limo for the works Xmas do. It was done in a bit of a "post-ironic" way, even then.

Actually, thinking about it, DH and I were married in Las Vegas 14 years ago. Going to the chapel in a limo was part of the tackiness of the whole thing, which is why we chose Las Vegas as a fun wedding destination, in the first place.

Limos are naff, but fun. I would be amazed if even 10 and 11 year olds thought otherwise.

Sunny, are you going to take this to the other Parents and see what their thoughts are?

Deprived we are, 47 yrs of adulthood between us, DH & I have never ridden in a limo. Maybe it's because no one booked it when we were 10-11. (sob)

I have no idea what DD's school is doing for end of y6.

Well DS2 (16) had a limo when leaving primary - not sure what that was all about really - it was only for the boys going to one particular school - and I was very about that - there was no prom as such, it hadn't caught on 6 years ago. 28 quid for that limo.

When DS3 (12) left primary last year it was the whole frigging prom caboodle - but only 2 boys wore a tux and only one of the girls dressed as a mini-hooker complete with false eye lashes and spray tan (how the hell she accomplished that in an hour between leaving school and returning for the limo is beyond me - teenage sister I suppose!). It was only 40 quid, all in, limo, venue and leavers gift

Neither DS1 nor DS2 bothered with the Y11 prom on the grounds it was utterly 'gay' - Y11 proms don't tend to happen round here any more .

One of DS1s mates had a limo blocking the bloody street for her 11th, 12th, 13th and 14th birthdays - but she is a thoroughly indulged and spoilt grandchild - the most amusing thing I found is the damned things can't really go anywhere because of the prohibitive cost of diesel, so they just drank pop and ate them selves stupid on muck and went past the local park to wave at people .

Y13 are much better, they organise them selves into groups for a meal out.

As I say, Y11 proms have fallen by the wayside round here. Perhaps it is seen as extravagance, perhaps it's a sign of austerity , perhaps it's apathy. it's very difficult to rustle up 100 Y7 and Y8 kids at the end of term for an onsite fund raising disco. TBH at 11/12/13 and at secondary, they are just past all that these days. A sign of the times I suppose.

Last Y11 prom I got co-opted into going to, I spent running round cutting up food - 16yo's couldn't use a knife. I was shocked at that - they are never given 'meat' at home, not proper meat, they couldn't cope with steak and the girls were crying if there was a bit of juice. All food is finger or soft or fork-stab-able the chicken nugget and burger generation.

Neither DS1 nor DS2 bothered with the Y11 prom on the grounds it was utterly 'gay'

Please tell me you do not condone your DSs using homophobic language like this?

The trouble with these leaving dos is it already firmly divides the haves and have nots. I would struggle to find £50 spare for such an event. My year 4 is not going on the residential trip as I didn't have enough for the deposit. Some months are easier than others.

I just think that if parents think celebrating end of primary school is so important then it should be an inclusive celebration. Discos at school are not naff for eleven year olds.

Incredible!

WE had parent's query the cost when we organised a £5/head leaving party at the local village hall!

£50 is horrendous and in this day and age, totally unacceptable in my opinion.

Lovelygoldboots - I just think that if parents think celebrating end of primary school is so important then it should be an inclusive celebration. Discos at school are not naff for eleven year olds.

Absolutely spot on.

YY - very much agree with recent posters, really important to be inclusive for an end of year leaver's party which people are asked to pay for. I think a disco at school or possibly the pool party I was wondering about could be good options ?
I'd hate to see anyone excluded from something like this that they might really want to do at that age.

It is significant and it must be inclusive, otherwise it's missing the point. Friendship groups can do other things beyond the main event, on a different day, but it's important to have a whole class something or other.

Anyway, it is totally reasonable to ask why the play centre is now the venue? And basically, why have all the plans changed? I don't know if I would bother asking the mother parents.

I've forgotten the difference in price. Is it huge?

The other parents. I cannot type today.

Thanks again for all the comments. I am going to email her and ask why the change of plan and say that I wasn't expecting it to cost anything like £50. I will wait and see what her reply is before approaching the other Mums. I have also been looking on the net at prices for alternative venues, which I can then mention, depending on how it goes.

Discos at school are not naff for eleven year olds.

And that is your opinion.

discos are naff within DS's circle.

Which proves we are all different.

Why does it have to include the whole year? There are 60 in DS's year, he does not play with all of them.

The plot thickens, just had a text from another Year 6 mum asking if I knew about the change of venue. The text says the play centre is owned by a relative of the mother who is organizing.

Blimey - that's a bit suspicious...

Good idea to wait for the reply of your e mail.

And mmmmmm a relative eh?

comfy sofas it is my opinion and experience. I work in primary schools. You may think you are being genorous in paying for a limo. It is entirely up to you but you have decided that is want you want for your sons peer group. A disco will seem naff I guess in comparison as you have the finances to offer something much more lavish. Your sons peer group will clearly not now be interested in a school disco. And that is fine. For you.

My dd left primary last July and there is no way I would have paid £50 for any do. If you speak to the other mums you'll probably find out hardly any of them will be happy about forking out £50.

Seriously comfy do you not feel for the unpopular or shy children or children from less well off families who would be excluded?

OP very strange! I think someone needs to have a wird with organising mum!

In that case it should be cheaper

ok

The school will be arranging some stuff for the leavers during the week.

On the last day they leave the school at 3.15 and ds and his pals will hang about and have photos taken etc.

Then ds and his friends will come to my house for a snack and change with their parents and the car will arrive about 4.30 to pick them up.

None of the children will know until the car arrives and all the other children will never know.

If another parent would like to arrange something I would of been delighted but not a word has been said about it.

I have arranged things before for the whole year and at least 40% of them never paid but the children still turned up . Once bitten twice shy with a large group.

I caved to the limo thing a couple of years ago, after swearing I never would. DS1 left his primary school 4 years ago, the parents got together and organised a trip to the ice rink followed by Frankie and Bennys with lift shares and parent supervisors. Cost a grand total of £14 per head, including a petrol contribution.

DD left her school 2 years later. It was a horrendously OTT experience, with a lavish PTA budget, a Vegas theme (as voted by the 11 year olds) and 3 of the parents got together and invited a select number of children to go by limo. Some children were invited and then uninvited, others (like my DD and her 3 friends) were not deemed cool enough to go with them, and it became an ostentatious display of wealth with some children dressed way beyond their years. As a very, very special treat some of us got together and hired a limo as a surprise for our DDs, and they loved it.

I was on the organising committee of this extravaganza as I was totally against Vegas as a theme for 11 year olds, and was absolutely gobsmacked at the attitudes of some of the parents. You would not have believed this was about children leaving primary school - glitzy, tacky rubbish. I pray to goodness when DS comes to leave the school there will be more restraint shown.

Back to the original question!

Youare complelty right to question it, particularly with this new info!

keep us posted

Lets give up on the limo is good or bad.

And please keep us posted on her reasons for changing plans.