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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect people to take there shoes off? Sorry rant ahead!

326 replies

Damash12 · 16/03/2013 22:07

We've recently had a new carpet and it's not f@@;ing rocket science to see we have added a shoe rack near the back door but why do people look at you with a put out expression when they ask the question "do I need to take my shoes off?" and you reply "yes". And what's worse is those that know but still choose to walk in and just not bother or the best one, those that keep their shoes on and bloody tip toe around the place, like that makes it ok. I've actually had 1 visitor roll there eyes when I've asked them to come round the back, it's about 5 yards FFS!! Rant over!

OP posts:

LondonNinja · 17/03/2013 14:48

I have to admit that I avoid one friend's house because she makes you take shoes off and her laminate is always freezing cold. Can't stay more than a few minutes. Mind, she also makes her son (9) take his clothes off the second he gets in and wander about in his vest and pants - even when he has mates over.

WTAF?

consonant · 17/03/2013 14:55

if you have downstairs carpet totally reasonable to ask people to remove shoes. Less so if you have hard floors of any description.

TheBigJessie · 17/03/2013 15:00

MrsRajeshKoothrappali · 17/03/2013 15:05

What the hell is wrong with her?

Don't know.

Think she just hates dirt/doing laundry. Is not even like her house is immaculate, I've chucked socks away after a trip round there before.

We do parent very differently, I just assumed that was one of the things we differend on. Didn't realise it was odd until I thought about her shoes off thing.

countrykitten · 17/03/2013 15:24

Carpets are bloody horrible things anyway - full of germs and filth and even if you think that your naff cream carpets are clean...they really are not. Astonished that so many people will put their ugly carpet worship above the comfort and relaxation of their guests. I would not dream of asking anyone to take off their shoes at the door - it is RUDE!

And I am not surprised that the OP is the type who has coasters () and makes her DH and DC feel uncomfortable in their own house so that she can 'keep it nice'. Bleurrgh.

MerryCouthyMows · 17/03/2013 15:31

I don't see it as being 'precious' if you actually can't afford to replace the carpet.

How can it be seen to be rude to follow how things are done in someone else's home? I think it's RUDE for a guest to make their host feel uncomfortable in their own home. Which it does, for me - I feel uncomfortable about the dirt and wear on something I just will not be able to replace if a guest keeps their shoes on.

How is THAT not rude?!

I find that it's generally those that can afford to replace a carpet that keep their shoes on, whilst often (not always, some people with a shoes-off rule are more concerned with germs) it's the people for whom a carpet is a major investment that can't easily be afforded that insist on a shoes off policy.

It's NOT about being 'PFC' at all - it's the worry that it will create do much wear on the carpet that it will need replacing sooner than it can be afforded.

countrykitten · 17/03/2013 15:39

I am pretty bloody sure that shoes on or shoes off the wear on your precious carpet would be the same. Bare feet or leather soles on shoes - I really cannot see the difference at all, the person still weighs the same and will 'wear' those precious woollen threads down just the same amount. Jeez.

Original poster

Damash12 · 17/03/2013 15:55

Edam- :-)your welcome, the thread as given me much amusement since initially being pissed off about my £24.99 sq yard shadow grey carpet being trampled on! And for those that had the audacity to say I got it from carpet right, how dare you ?... It was Scs!!!!!! Tongue firmly in cheek!!
Oh and what a fab suggestion... A sippy cup, now why hadn't I thought of that!

OP posts:

TheFallenMadonna · 17/03/2013 16:09

It's one of those conundrums really.

It's rude to insist guests remove their shoes, but it's rude to insist on traipsing over your host's carpet when you know they would rather you didn't.

It's just being nice, surely? I would tend to remove my shoes, because I know a lot of people care a lot about it. You could make a self deprecating remark about new carpets.

Does it really cause so much hassle in real life? I am struggling to think of ever being upset by it.

What would upset me though would be to be expected to wear a pair of slippers that someone else had provided. I would wear them, because I am polite, but I'd be wondering who had sweated into them (I'm not a fan of slippers...)

AnnaRack · 17/03/2013 16:39

If I am asked to take shoes off I will do it but hope their floors are CLEAN, no way am I walking on dirty floors. If I did see any dirt I would think hmmm - not keeping to their side of the bargain!

AnnaRack · 17/03/2013 16:41

Oh and I would not wear communal slippers - how gross!

crashdoll · 17/03/2013 17:00

I just don't see how shoes ruin carpets or make them oh so dirty. To be frank, even at shoes off houses, I still get grubby socks. Dirt happens and so does wear and tear to carpet - shoes are irrelevant IMO.

exoticfruits · 17/03/2013 17:10

And burn your communal slippers- I agree - they are gross.

TheBigJessie · 17/03/2013 17:36

MerryCouthyMows you've hit the nail on the head. On the last shoes-in-the-house thread I participated on, someone told me patronisingly that Rug Doctor hire was cheap enough to afford every six months, and that was what they did. Like hell is it... Especially if you have no car, and thus have to take it home and back in a taxi.

Maybe my carpet isn't immaculate but people's muddy shoes wouldn't improve the situation, would it? Outside shoes have more grip than slippers or socked feet (try a comparison in icy weather if you don't believe me) and thus are going to cause more wear and tear. This is important, because there's a grey area between "acceptable wear and tear" and "damage caused by carelessness". Even the people around me who have houses save up for carpets. In one instance, for over 25 years... It's not Axminister, but it's nice and she values it!
She's got another carpet to replace still, that's over thirty years old and looks it now.

OrbisNonSufficit · 17/03/2013 17:46

I love this thread. Carpet and what may tread on it, up there with peace in the middle east as an unsolvable dilemma...

And yes, communal shoes of any kind are revolting. Agree with exoticfruits. Anyone who makes me take my shoes off in their house has to deal with my bare feet, I'm NOT putting on someone else's slippers and I refuse to walk around in socks.

ivykaty44 · 17/03/2013 17:48

goodness no new slippers each time the disposable type, like you get at hotels

JollyYellowGiant · 17/03/2013 17:52

I can't afford to buy new carpets regularly. That's why we got laminate. It's easy to clean properly and I don't have to cling film it before allowing my two year old to have a snack or wear shoes in his own house.

We never have wet puddles in our hallway because I have a good doormat.

livinginwonderland · 17/03/2013 17:54

we have a "no shoes" rule in our house but we only make an issue of it if their shoes are clearly really muddy or if they're going to go upstairs (no carpet on our ground floor at all). if someone's walked from their car to the house and is only going to the dining room or living room, i don't see the point in asking.

pigsDOfly · 17/03/2013 18:14

No shoes in my house either. I live on a main road and what with the grit (yes our paths were gritted), the pee, the spit and the dog shit I really prefer people not to wear their shoes on my very pale carpet.

Years ago I was having a lunch for about 20 people (different house) and I suddenly noticed the awful stink of dog shit. Probably made me look a bit pathetic but asked everyone to check their shoes, and low and behold, under the table one of my guest's shoes was absolutely cover in the stuff and he'd walk all round my house.

Quite honestly after that experience, if people take offence at my asking them to remove their shoes, well, tough shit!

FierceBadIggi · 17/03/2013 18:31

How can it be seen to be rude to follow how things are done in someone else's home?
I do like to take my bra off of an evening. If you visit me I hope you will do the same so I don't feel uncomfortable.

TheFallenMadonna · 17/03/2013 19:04

Really? Disposible slippers? I mean, less gross, but it's making me put something on that I really do not like.

I think slippers (unless offered as entirely voluntary) are a step too far.

OrbisNonSufficit · 17/03/2013 19:13

Ew pigs that's wrong. I'm not surprised you're scarred. Did he not smell it himself (speaking as a person with a barely functional sense of smell, I'm completely paranoid about that kind of thing, surely other people check too?).

littlemonkeychops · 17/03/2013 19:24

I'm with you OP, not taking shoes off indoors is so gross, unless you shampoo your carpets every few days the amount of yuk ingrained in the carpet is just bleurgh. Can't believe people think wiping your feet on a matt makes them clean! If that was true then there'd be no need to wash your hands after going to the loo as "hey i can't see any dirt on my hands so they must be clean". It's not being precious, just basic hygiene.

I just wear socks at home, play on the floor lots with my toddler and often sit on the floor if we have a house full, why would i want to sit ongrime walked in on other people's shoes??

Those that don't remove shoes, would you walk around barefoot outside and not feel the grime on your feet was a bit ikk? Same thing to me.

exoticfruits · 17/03/2013 19:33

If the weather is suitable I am am quite happy to walk about in bare foot.
I also can't see why you want me barefoot on your carpets in the summer, rather than a pair of sandals or flip flops.

exoticfruits · 17/03/2013 19:33

Sorry- walk outside in bare feet.

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