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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask ladies who are in their forties...

33 replies

Internationaltraveller · 16/03/2013 02:04

if it really is the best time of your life? yes, celebrities can drone on all they like about it, but I want to hear the truth. So, opinions please!

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 16/03/2013 02:07

I ain't no laidee.

You start to notice your body's going to pot but you're too tired to give a shit, I think sums it up.

It can be liberating sometimes Grin

monkeyfacegrace · 16/03/2013 02:11

So you want to talk about weight, menopause, and older ladies?

Go......

Original poster
Internationaltraveller · 16/03/2013 02:14

Is that so bad?

OP posts:
monkeyfacegrace · 16/03/2013 02:16

Are you a journalist? You sure sound like one.

alwayslateforwork · 16/03/2013 02:20

Oo, good, a journo looking for cheap quotes!

I suspect if you are famous (read rich) enough for slab mags or red tops to bother with you, you probably earn enough dosh to have it fairly cushy however old you are.

But as that doesn't make good copy, unlike the reams of bollocks that are usually spouted in order to make us aspire to be slebtastic and buy crappy magazines, it won't be printed.

I don't much care what is said about your forties tbh. They seem very much like my thirties from where I'm standing. I'm still slogging my guts out for crap pay and bringing up my own children as I can't afford anyone else to do it for me.

But as I realise I'm invisible to those with a penis who aren't related to me, it is strangely liberating to not feel like you have to lose fifty pounds and spend twice that on shape wear.

Best time of my life? Who on earth said that? What crap do you read?

Original poster
Internationaltraveller · 16/03/2013 02:23

Not sure where the journalist thread is coming from. No, not guilty but not sure who's wrong with journalists either Confused Was just looking for some honest opinions really.

OP posts:
monkeyfacegrace · 16/03/2013 02:25

You are new to this aren't you? Wink

darksideofthemooncup · 16/03/2013 02:27

Nope, late twenties/early thirties were the best time for me. I have never looked so good or been so self assured

Original poster
Internationaltraveller · 16/03/2013 02:30

Well, to be honest, just sitting here with a massive glass of wine pondering life after the shittest work week imaginable. How weird, it seemed like such a dream going back to work. Thought I'd just start off some light-hearted chats to see if anyone else wanted to chat given I have spoken to no-one the whole day - ah well... :)

OP posts:
Alonglongway · 16/03/2013 02:32

Well you kind of know your stuff - good and bad. I was mentoring a young colleague this week who's due back to work from first baby, and very happy not to feel that young and unsure. The confidence that comes with maturity is great.

AgentZigzag · 16/03/2013 02:32

How old are you International?

Original poster
Internationaltraveller · 16/03/2013 02:33

I am 38

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 16/03/2013 02:37

Ahhh, you're already on the slippery slope wondering whether you should feel a sense of impending doom?

I wasn't fussed turning 40, if you've got other things you're not completely happy in the rest of your life turning 40 might accentuate them, otherwise it's just another excuse to get pissed birthday.

alwayslateforwork · 16/03/2013 02:37

Do you always start chat threads with a 'statement - discuss'?

It's very cheap journo, and we have loads hanging round here. The guff usually ends up being ripped and splashed in the Sunday mags.

That's where the journo thread came from.

Pray, tell, what made you ponder the 40 something best time of your life rhetoric at this point?

I mean, had you come on and started 'I have had the shittest back to work week ever. My kids are old enough for me to not have to pay childcare, and I went back to work thinking it would be brill. But I'm knackered, the pay is crap, and I'm expected to gussy up like a teenager. Ad when i get home the kids are fighting and i have to do the laundry. Who the hell said that the forties are the best time of your life?'

That would have been a bit more, well, normal in these parts.

Otherwise, it just sounds like you have a deadline, and figured mumsnet was an easy touch for a few sound bites to make your article for you.

Where the hell are you reading the sleb crap anyway? It sounded like you had to write a reply to last week's crappy article in whatever rag you write for.

alwayslateforwork · 16/03/2013 02:40

I'm 42. I'm always deeply suspicious of women who have a thing about 40. It's nothing momentous, just an excuse for cheap card shops to sell rubbish banners and cards... Very strange. 40 is no different to 39.

Original poster
Internationaltraveller · 16/03/2013 02:43

Thanks girls for responding - truth is I have never had an honest chat with anyone about being in their forties, so wondered what the consensus is. let's face it, if you can't ask the mumsnet jury who can you ask? :)

OP posts:
nooka · 16/03/2013 02:51

I agreewithalwayslateforwork, I don't feel particularly different to the way I did a few years ago. I don't really think that turning 40 is a particularly big deal. Life is good and bad in slightly different ways, but they are mostly to do with the age of my children and my current job/location.

dh and I are looking forward to our late 40s though - once the children leave home we have a fair few ideas for fun :)

alwayslateforwork · 16/03/2013 02:51

Why are you making such a big thing about it though?

It's honestly no different to where you are now. It's kind of an odd thing to be fretting over on a Friday night with wine.

AgentZigzag · 16/03/2013 02:58

The media use 40 as a good stopping point so they can write articles about how our wild and carefree selves in our 20s would be appalled by how dull and predictable you have to be to keep all the things you have to juggle going at the same time when you're 40.

It scares people into thinking there's fun being had and they're not getting any of it.

TrucksAndDinosaurs · 16/03/2013 03:17

35-55 women will pay more for toiletries and cosmetics.
They are brand-loyal and main shoppers.
Therefore copy has to be written to wrap round the ads.

Original poster
Internationaltraveller · 16/03/2013 03:21

Interesting points about the media. I had no idea that women 35-55 spent more for products. I still do love beauty products though :)

OP posts:
missingmumxox · 16/03/2013 03:32

I have always been me funnily enough and I haven't changed, I am a modern feminist and always have been, even thought I am sure no man or woman knows I am, and I say modern as in I really don't know any group I can belong to, I am just me.
I don't take any shit from people, but I didn't at 19, I have a way that works for me, I enjoy banter even the off colour stuff.
I get on well with men and women because I respect both sexes and our differences and enjoy them.
I say I don't take shit, I am never rude I am just assertive but use humour..
the best thing about getting over 40 is other people repect you for no reason at all apart from my age (my Mum a nurse and in her 40's when I started out said the same)
as I said I am no different but where as a young nurse I would be complained about endlessly by clients, as in the young girl!!!don't get me started on that!! now I am still saying the same lines but because I am older no complaints, all I was trying to do the whole time was be honest, but as a 42 yr old people get that.
As 23 they thought I knew nothing, even though I had 5 years under my belt.
Actually I lie I am more brutal and honest with people and yet it is excepted without question and it is only because of my age.

Tee2072 · 16/03/2013 08:49

My whole life changed at 40.

I had a baby.
I gave up one career and started another.
I moved to a house for the first time in about 25 years when I was 42, giving up my city centre lifestyle.

I was also diagnosed with one of the 3 chronic pain illnesses I have, the other two gradually getting worse, until I have days like today where moving from bed to sofa is about the level of my ability. Thank goodness it's Saturday and my husband can help care for our 3 year old, who is not feeling well himself. Neither is my husband, actually, after a bad night with said 3 year old.

But, over all, I am the happiest and most content I have ever been in my entire life.

I'm 44 now. I'm looking forward to the rest of this decade and all the ones to come.

lljkk · 16/03/2013 08:57

I can't contribute if thread is only about style & beauty.
Actually I have a slightly sneery attitude about my cohort frantically trying to cover up their gray. 45yo women are supposed to have grey hair.

My memory is going, though, and hearing & vision have deteriorated. Middle age spread lurks in the shadows. But I still get called "young" by older women with no grey in their hair (dyed out), it's all in energy levels and demeanour.

8yrs as SAHM is making it very hard to get a paid job now.

Meh, could be worse, could be better. Always look back in horror at how naive my younger self was. That never changes.

EmmelineGoulden · 16/03/2013 10:32

I remeber in my 30s standing around the photocopier at work pretending to try and fix it whilst eavesdropping on a bunch of older women who were all saying how great it was to be in their 50s. They were at a range of levels career wise from a (very competent) receptionsit to the CFO.

So I'm going to give it another decade before I decide I'm on the way downhill.