AIBU to think that if a midday assistant at school feels it necessary to shout at my 6 yr old, I should have been informed?

[laluna]

DS came out of class crying saying he had been yelled at by the MDA and he didn't understand why.

He explained to me that there had been a bit if a falling out in his group of friends and she shouted at them.

If my child does something wrong, I am not precious about him and the situation should be death with accordingly by the person in charge. No issue with that. But AIBU to think that yelling is not really appropriate and if the situation is really that bad, I should be involved?? Am a bit cross and have asked the school to clarify the position.

Awww, my little ones are too young yet but I feel for the OP. Whatever the situation my gut instict would be to protect and defend my child if s/he came out of school crying.

It could be nothing, but it could also be a MDA with PMT who decided the kids were gonne get it!

OP come back!

I can totally believe LaQueen's story too. DH and I still cringe thinking about the outraged telephone calls that MIL has made to both the university and then employers on behalf of BIL (her precious last born). I also once pulled strings to get him a well paid cash-in-hand job when he was 16 but after half a day he decided that it was beneath him and walked out. DH had to finish the shift on his behalf. Fortunately my employer had encountered plenty of stroppy, entitled teenagers before and saw the funny side.

I absolutely believe LeQ's story.

I have a student whose Dad won't let her come to her lessons if it's cold.

She is 24.

Obviously, OP's DS felt overwhelmed

I don't think it obvious. I think it more likely he thought he was in trouble and would get the sympathy vote in first. Had he spent the afternoon crying the teacher would have met you at the door and mentioned it.

Like a previous poster I have seen several incidents where a power-hungry MTA has completely overreacted and really upset a child. Supply teaching in my case too - you do meet some varied practice in schools.

It does't help people trust school staff if we all refuse to admit of the possibility that sometimes, staff get it wrong. Children aren't always in the wrong.

OP has done the right thing asking the school for clarification, if her child was still distressed at the end of the day. She may well find that her ds was being a little sod, the telling-off was fine and he turned on the waterworks for Mummy when the bell went for hometime. But not necessarily!

I don't think it obvious. I think it more likely he thought he was in trouble and would get the sympathy vote in first. Had he spent the afternoon crying the teacher would have met you at the door and mentioned it

I agree that the child probably hadn't spent the afternoon crying or the teacher would have mentioned it. But even if the reason that the child was crying was to 'get the sympathy vote' (which sounds v. dismissive!) I'd really want to know why he was so afraid to face the consequences of his actions with me? In either scenario, he's crying and that suggests that he needs help and guidance with ways to process either hurt/upset if it was that he was shouted at unfairly OR fear about how I was going to respond. In that sense, I think it's true that he's 'overwhelmed' even if you don't approve of the reasons for his overwhelm. I'd want to establish what the facts of the matter were before making a judgement about whether or not he was trying to 'get the sympathy vote' or had a rough afternoon in other, less clear ways or was in fact, telling the truth. In any of those scenarios, I think the child needs support and help.

As a supply teacher I would always meet the person who collected the child to explain- if the child was upset. (especially if it was something that I did) It seems that the child didn't spend the afternoon crying, they just turned it on for Mum-because they expected the reaction they got. I cried fairly easily as a child -but if I was upset I was upset-I couldn't have an afternoon holding it all in until home time!

I believe LaQueen. When I was 17, I was working as a dental nurse and studying at night school to become qualified, the practice took on a school leaver. She wasn't overly happy with what we had to do and the wages (although they had been explained at the interview) so her dad phoned up and complained and requested that she either did less work or had a pay rise!

On Saturday DS1 was treated unlawfully at work. I said we'd take advice and he could act on that advice and hand his notice in if that is what he wants, but he has to do it! DH said he would go to see the manager and sort it out for DS1! I said "WTAF he is 18, he has to do it himself!" Guess who won!

I can totally believe LaQueen's story. I've heard plenty via friends who worked in the private sector (I was public sector, didn't quite get the same thing there), and I've seen articles in newspapers over the years about this.

Also the recruitment consultant on a course I attended had similar stories, all given to us in the manner "this is what you DON'T do".

We have graduate recruits. We don't treat them like skivvies though, we treat them like any other colleague and they learn on the job. Coffee making goes both ways.

All of this "If they're not grateful for being asked to make coffee they're entitled fools" is just bullshit. Mutual respect in the workplace. It aint that difficult.

Re the mums/ entitled grads sub-discussion, I work in a Uni and have had parents ring to complain on behalf of their grown-up children. Our standard line (because it is true) is to explain that unfortunately owing to the data protection act we can neither confirm nor deny whether or not that individual is even a student in my institution, let alone discussing the details of that studentship. I would rather think the same applied to working environments?

I have seen several incidents where a power-hungry MTA

Power hungry? I don't know how you recruit them with that attitude. If I was one and had parents making that sort of statement I would hand in my notice-it isn't worth the hassle for the pay. (or if they think that PMT makes me take it out on 6 yr olds!)

Oh, I can believe the mum ringing up - I get students telling me they couldn't attend a seminar as Dad wouldn't let them drive in the fog, I get mothers ringing up asking if they can sort out essay extensions for dd who has been sad about her boyfriend etc...

I don't move in a world of company directing though, so I don't know about coffee making rules... instinctively it doesn't sound like the most efficient use of bright and qualified staff, but there we go!

Oh I can believe parents ringing in when their children are at university. After all, parents accompany their offspring to Open Days and interviews nowadays whereas back in my day we would have been mortified to have been seen with our parents at our prospective university.

Is it better that the company director wastes their time making coffee, then, steaming? It's traditionally the departmental junior's role.

Flogging - I used to work for a start-up enterprise with a Company Director and a small base of staff (initially). He respected every member of staff for the skills that they bought to the business and didn't dick wave by expecting the team to make his coffee.

He was a brilliant boss - and yes occasionally I made him a brew, but not because he saw me as some subordinate who should run around after him and be grateful, but because I was going to make myself one and offered around the office.

I know a university lecturer and he's told me he's had calls from parents, asking about things relating to the course.

He tells parents he can't talk to them without the student's permission but then they start to argue that as they are funding the student, they want to know if the student is getting the grades, ie getting "value for money".

He repeats he can't tell them anything without the student's permission regardless of who's paying.

Fair enough, Baby. I'd just laugh at the arrogant foot stamping of someone straight off the dole queue, graduate or not, imagining they can refuse to do menial tasks as they're destined for greater things.

I used to work at a smallish company where the MD was briefing all the staff about some changes he was making to the business. His PA was chasing up people who hadn't replied to the choice of two dates and a graduate trainee said that he couldn't make either date as he was on study leave those days and could the MD arrange to see him another day? :o

I've never forgotten that either

Like I say - I can well imagine the mum ringing up - and I don't know the etiquette of the coffee making, but I can see it might not always go down well with some people!