To ask if people judge single mums for not working?

[PigsCanSoar]

I have a 11 m/o, and am a 22 year old single mum. I have handed in my notice to work now, as I don't feel he is ready to be left yet. He has always been very clingy, he will happily go off and play with anyone if I am there, but as soon as I leave the room he will just cry and cry.
He is also still breastfeeding every 2-3 hours, and ideally I would like to let him self wean up until 2.

I have no doubts about this being best for DS, and am planning to stay with him until 2 then look for a job again, but I just feel a bit anxious about actually telling people this, as since he was born it seems to have been constant "so when are you going back to work then" off everyone.

I am very lucky to be back living with my mum, so money isn't much of an issue as this will just postpone moving out for a bit.
So there's no necessity to leave him before he's ready, but I just feel like I'll look "lazy" for not going back yet.

Govt believes adults who are mentally,physically capable of work should work
Students and education is studying to qualify to work
No govt will pay to maintain woolly hippy notion of muthas at home

I'd not judge you but I'd think you were making poor life choices. It's very important to role model a good work ethic. If you have a job in this climate then you'd be a fool to give it up.

It is hard to leave a baby but I strongly feel single parents have more of a responsibility to work so you can improve your life chances. otherwise you'll be stuck in your parents house on benefits forever and that's no life for your little one.

Sahm is NOT a job......how ridiculous to suggest it. Its a lifestyle choice and one that lone parents do not have the luxury of.....

I the idea that SAHM (basically a live in nanny/maid/) is a luxury is mind boggling to me, coffee and daytime tv, smiling gurgling baby, is quickly replaced with sleep deprivation, lonliness, and often being expected to be doris day every second of your life oh and of course ...a toddler who is often challenging/frustrating and anything wrong must be your fault because you
are 'with then all day'.

in your situation OP many peoples easy option would be sticking a bottle in it and going back to work to get a break.

and you will be judged either way. working mothers face judgement, but IMO slightly less.

I'd not judge you but I'd think you were making poor life choices. It's very important to role model a good work ethic. If you have a job in this climate then you'd be a fool to give it up.

It is hard to leave a baby but I strongly feel single parents have more of a responsibility to work so you can improve your life chances. otherwise you'll be stuck in your parents house on benefits forever and that's no life for your little one.

Sahm is NOT a job......how ridiculous to suggest it. Its a lifestyle choice and one that lone parents do not have the luxury of.....

I put 'scrap trident' along with 'sort out tax avoidance'...just meaningless phrases for those who don't understand economics.

The only way to pay for an increase in the welfare bill is borrowing.
Which only a fool would advocate right now.

So we're looking at a serious hike in taxation. Which all the evidence shows won't result in an increased tax take (taxation is a delicate flower, try to get too much and tax drops as people go hell for leather on avoidance/evasion, plus corporations move away yadda yadda).

And anyhooo...no government is going to hike tax by that much. And any extra they do get most certainly aint gona be spent on the welfare bill. Surely everyone accpets that?

Eaves the point is, the country can't afford it any longer. As The Labour MP said when they left offivce "there is no money left. Labour spent it all". So you want the gov to fund it on the never never........

thing the way thugs are going I prob won't get that pension back!

Please could someone that agrees with the whole benfits argument answer my questions. I really value your thoughts. So far only one person has responded..

^I know some on MN don't like my views on this. But I have been sitting here considering this whole culture of entitlement that we have relating to fully fit people quitting their jobs, fully fit people not working (exclude disability, that's a different issue) and thinking its their right to claim benefits instead.

This is to everyone that agrees that you should be entitled to just quite your job to be a SAH mum/dad and claim benefits. I am an open minded person and can be swayed by a logical arguments. Please could someone tell me how you propose the country should pay for this so everyone can have the same opportunity? Also whilst paying for this how do we ensure the NHS is properly funded, pensions are funded because by 2030 there are going to be double the amount of people we have currently over 85, the deficit is resolved and industry can afford to increase wages without placing themselves And their staf at risk? Please someone give me a logical argument so I can understand this culture of entitlement?^

But you know what OP, I think other people's judgements are the least of your worries.

Poverty, benefit trap, reliance on a conservative government for your handouts...this is the real stuff of nightmares.

Why anyone is advocating it is beyond me. Are people really that short sighted? Aren't good parents meant to watch the long game for their DC?

Yep, alas I'd judge you, unless you had the financial means to enact your scheme without recourse to the welfare state.

You are fit, educated and employed. Your child is fit and well. To give up a perfectly good job to be a SAHM and fund that choice through benefits is taking the piss. Particularly when you read about other MNers who genuinely cannot work and are struggling to feed and clothe their kids.

I'd live to know the financial contribution the father of your child is making. As will the people at the benefits office I suspect.

Also dp pays minimum tax and no pension. Still sucks tho. Mind am enjoying maternity at moment so every cloud...

absolutely agree word factory

OP I would urge you to retract your notice and grovel to your boss. Then find a decent childminder and suck it up.

morethanpotatoprints Oh dear, I'm an asshole apparently. grin.

Yes you are, you are relying on people like me to work and pay tax to enable you to laze around.

I agree with wordfactory in that I would put money on tax credits etc not existing in 10 years' time. If you have the chance of a career and to work and develop yourself grab it with both hands because the current system won't be around for long.

Agree jellybeans

What I find astonishing is that people mither around, worrying about what effect a bottle or a nursery might have on a child...yet not giving a monkey's about their economic future.

Why on earth would we saddle our beautiful, wonderful DC with this debt? Why on earth would we hand on this albatross?

Don't we have a responsibility to the next generation?

LadyPessrPam. Ha ha ha PMSL

Op bearin in mind what you said about a high turnover of jObs - this doesn't mean you will get one you know. More people will qualifying daily in your profession plus the job market my change.

I work in a sector where there is an extremely high demand and live in London. Still would struggle to walk into a job tho...

You need to keep this in mind I think. It feels a bit like you have not thought this through very clearly

The elephant in the room here is childcare,
the support has gone down and prices have gone down, my eldest went to PT playgroup which cost well over 300 a month its insane never mind full time nursery.

I am lucky to have a DP who earns well, but god forbid we separated and I became a single mother, I would have to simultaneously have to uproot both children and deal with the behaviour problems that may bring, search for a job and pay for full time childcare for a toddler and young baby. I think if we sorted out the outgoing/ingoing it would encourage women who want to work but would pay more in childcare than they would earn.

Personally I think anyone would be crazy to give up a stable job in the current economic climate. The country is near broke, the pot is empty and I fear benefits will continue to be cut furthur and furthur. Could you go back to work part time and then gradually build up when your child is a little older ?

*Prices have gone up I should say.

Yes wordfactory, these laissez faire people don't seem to give a monkeys about the debt albatross they are bequeathing to their children and grandchildren.

And bigkids in correct, eventually real austerity will happen and the people who have keeps some form of career or training current will have a significant advantage over those who lapsed or indeed like morethanpotatoprints never bothered in the first place.

No elephant or impediment for op,she has job she's giving up to claim benefits
Lives with her mum, presumably mum helped.op has held down Job til now
This isnt hard luck story,she's choosing to give up work

WordFactory. I agree with you. You hear the whole my child needs me and I can't work etc. what about when the country gets to a point where the system collapses. Not only will the children suffer the parents with no consistent employment history will also suffer.

The way things are going the system will collapse. And we are not talking in a hundered years. We are talking inour life time. The ever increasing pension deffecit alone should scare the crap out of people. Bu not many look at the bigger picture because all they see is what they are entitled to on benefits right now. It's beyond me..

keeps = kept