To ask if people judge single mums for not working?

[PigsCanSoar]

I have a 11 m/o, and am a 22 year old single mum. I have handed in my notice to work now, as I don't feel he is ready to be left yet. He has always been very clingy, he will happily go off and play with anyone if I am there, but as soon as I leave the room he will just cry and cry.
He is also still breastfeeding every 2-3 hours, and ideally I would like to let him self wean up until 2.

I have no doubts about this being best for DS, and am planning to stay with him until 2 then look for a job again, but I just feel a bit anxious about actually telling people this, as since he was born it seems to have been constant "so when are you going back to work then" off everyone.

I am very lucky to be back living with my mum, so money isn't much of an issue as this will just postpone moving out for a bit.
So there's no necessity to leave him before he's ready, but I just feel like I'll look "lazy" for not going back yet.

So is she working or going back to work I'm confused.

Govt believes adults who are mentally,physically capable of work should work

Not if looking after a child is involved they don't. Is a SAHP being supported by their partner expected to work just because they could, physically and mentally? No. That's why you don't have to claim JSA until your children are of school age. I'll keep saying this until you get it.

wordfactory - the deficit isn't as bad as all that. When Labour left office, the country was in less debt that when they got in, and the deficit was lower than it was in 1997. Also, in historical terms, the deficit as a % of GDP is not extraordinary. There has been much bullshit and scaremongering about how we are 'bankrupt' which relies on people not knowing that debt and deficit in terms of a national economy is not the same thing at all as personal debt - you simply cannot talk about them in the same terms.

laze around Geez

Lots of working mums have told me that they prefer to go out to work because it's EASIER than being a sahp. They choose to do it because it's easier for THEM.

Will nobody think of the children!!!

you are lucky in the sense you have a job to go back too OP,

I fell pregnant as a teen, so I have no job to go back to no experience etc,

I would love to go to work but the childcare prices have mad it no go for me unfortunately.

Read op posts,she has job gave in notice.benefits apparently v good.lives with mum

wallison are seriously suggesting we should borrow more to increase welfare spending?

I agree LittleChickpea, the future is very scary , I'm forever amazed at how short sighted people are.

I'm suggesting that you cannot talk about national debt and deficit in the same terms as you would quantify personal debt - it is meaningless and facile. I am also suggesting (in fact, I am saying - because it is true) that when Labour got in in 1997 there was more debt and a higher deficit than there was when they left.

The last thing we need is to be borrowing more to fund the welfare bill....

BabyRoobs. Thank you.. I am too but it's the reaction you get when you talk about reality that's really scares me. So many people with their heads in the and....

wallison - we have a structural deficit - which means even if someone waved a magic wand and tomorrow the economy was booming, we would still be spending more every year than collected in taxes.

^^^ that IS a problem.

How is being a SAHP lazing around?

its not even a logical argument, childcare is a piad job one you study for but looking after your own child is apparently 'lazing' ? running a home, literally/metophorically wiping everyones arse, lazing around?

Opinions like that concern me, the SAHPing that you've come across must have been incredibly negligent in which case, iots probably better those people went back to work so someone else could do a better job.

Read op posts,she has job gave in notice.benefits apparently v good.lives with mum

I lived in with my mum for 2 years, she worked full time SAHP was the only option for me. living with mum doesn't always mean childcare on tap.

She said money wasn't a problem as she would be living with her Mother. I assumed her Mother would be supporting her.

I was a working single mother throughout my DC's childhood's. I wouldn't judge you, although I would question the wisdom of what you're doing. It's never an astute move to give up the means of being economically independent, although that doesn't mean that giving up work isn't the right move for you and your DS of course.

The Children's Society report recommended that the government remove a lot of the pressure on (newly) single parents to find work. The reason for this was that is saves money in the long term. Children who are adjusting to the breakdown of the parent's relationship - which may involve a house move, change of schools, etc - fare much better when they are able to spend most of their time with their primary carer until they have adjusted. The Children's Society recommended about a year.

For women who have a career or job they love, or those for whom working is a crucial part of their identity/feelings of self worth, it makes obvious sense to return to work. These are the mums who will juggle it fine, be happy and refreshed at home for having had some time apart from their child, etc. For those who are in a dead-end job, suffering from PND, going through a acrimonious divorce, have a difficult sleeper, older child with behaviour problems, , returning to work may result only in a mum run ragged who has no physical energy/emotional reserves left to give to her child. In addition to having the state pick up a proportion of the childcare costs, how does that benefit anyone? Mum is suffering, child is suffering and tax payer is paying. If mum stays at home, she copes better, her child fares better and the cost to the tax payer is not only less in the short term but likely to be markedly less when viewed over a long-term future as well.

Everyone has to do what is right for their individual family within the laws of the land. The OP is doing just that.

whimsicalmess. No one is saying SAHM is lazy. What we are saying is where will the money come from to pay for the benefits for those that choose to stop working and stay at home? The country's piggy bank is empty....

My mother didn't financially support me in terms of baby milk nappies etc all me again ...don't assume.

Well, national debt has actually increased faster under the Cameron than it did under Labour, so I suggest you take your grievances on the matter to that nice man Mr Osborne.

Some people have used the words 'lazing at home' which is offensive.

probably not you but some posters have.

I was pointing out not all people who live with parents have childcare on tap.my mother worked full time , dad not around and I was also my sisters carer, its not always ...a choice or a 'luxury'

There are people out there who would never work. morethanpotatoprints self identified here and hence laze around at the taxpayers expense is a fully justified statement.

did she say would never work or just choosing to be a SAHP?

Where's the OP gone?

whimsical I see where your coming from but the situation the op is describing sounds completely different

wallison the whole 'oh this is what happened under Labour' thing, is just another menaingless phrase. Consign it to the soundbite dustbin with 'just scrap trident.'

What happened is been and gone. The Labour administration governed under a period of huge boom. Recrod breaking tax take, lead in no small part by the financial sector.

Yadda, yadda, yadda.

What is happening today is that we are in recession. Tax take will continue to reduce. We have a structural deficit!!!!

Continued borrowing in these circumstances is not akin to the borrowing under the previous government.

You may not care what is handed on to the next generation, but a lot of us do care.