To ask if people judge single mums for not working?

[PigsCanSoar]

I have a 11 m/o, and am a 22 year old single mum. I have handed in my notice to work now, as I don't feel he is ready to be left yet. He has always been very clingy, he will happily go off and play with anyone if I am there, but as soon as I leave the room he will just cry and cry.
He is also still breastfeeding every 2-3 hours, and ideally I would like to let him self wean up until 2.

I have no doubts about this being best for DS, and am planning to stay with him until 2 then look for a job again, but I just feel a bit anxious about actually telling people this, as since he was born it seems to have been constant "so when are you going back to work then" off everyone.

I am very lucky to be back living with my mum, so money isn't much of an issue as this will just postpone moving out for a bit.
So there's no necessity to leave him before he's ready, but I just feel like I'll look "lazy" for not going back yet.

[LittleChickpea]

Wallison OP is living with the GP and I am sure they are loving so they could cover all your points off...

[wordfactory]

littlechickpea I think however you cut it, it boils down to increasing taxation ie some working parents will have to pay more tax for other parents not to work.

People blather on about tax avoidance but a succession of governments of different stripes have not been able to crack this nut. It's just a sound bite. An easy yet meaningless phrase.

The reality is that the only sure way to incease the welfare bill is to borrow more more and/or increase taxation.

Borrowing more money at this time is economic suicide. Our DC will be landed with this hideous debt. So we will have a generation of people who will have had a SAHP but their economic future will be horrendous. They will not thank us!!!
If we borrow any more cash, then we must spend it on infrastructure programs ie getting people into work. Not paying them not to work.

So that leaves an increase in taxation...

[Latara]

OP, I can't judge because i've not been a mother... just wanted to say you are only 22 so make the most of being young and of having a lovely baby, you are very lucky.

The best thing is to ensure you have qualifications, skills & a plan for when you will return to work.

[Mannequinkate]

That the OP is a single parent is entirely relevant to whether or not she decides to work for the next 13 months.

Exactly she as his only parent is responsible for him financially. Why should I be? When she is perfectly capable of supporting herself and her dc through paid employment (a job).

I say all of this as a full time working, single mother

would the OP feel so entitled if she had to knock directly on my door for her hand outs?

[scottishmummy]

Wallison op has adequate support and childcare,lives with her mum
She's made active choice not to work,has job handed in her notice
She's managed to work up to this point,now choosing not to and ps says her benefits are good

[MooMooSkit]

No i wouldn't judge you and anyone else really needs to get a life tbh. People always say the same crap "as long as you are supporting them and not relying on benefits" sorry what business is that of yours? Some mums have paid into the tax system for years and years and years before they have babies so if they want to take a year or two off and have a few benefits (claiming back money they paid into a system) then let them and get off your high horses imo. YABU. I took a year off to look after my son, 6 months were maternity pay but then i left and was on benefits for a few months and i don't regret it and i wasn't "taking anyones money" i've paid plenty into the system thanks!

[lrichmondgabber]

People are judgers. Do your own thing on single mummery

[MooMooSkit]

YANBU i meant :P

[wordfactory]

Well that's another point latara

If I were the OP I wouldn't be even considering a life working in an industry which will always pay poorly.

I will bet my bottom dollar that in fiev or ten years time there will be no top up benefits.

I will bet my bottom dollar that the state pension will be decimated.

I will bet my bottom dollar that tertiary education will cost twice what it does now.

I will bet my bottom doallr that the NHS will be a different beast to what it is today.

I would use my time to get myself into a career that will ensure myself and my DC have a decent future completely independent of the state!

[adeucalione]

I don't think the benefits system works like a bank moomoo, you don't have an automatic right to draw out what you put in.

[eavesdropping]

LittleChickpea I have already suggested areas where I believe the government could save money - higher taxes for the richest, Trident etc. I am not an economist, so I am not going to write an essay for you proposing in great detail exactly how it should be implemented.

[FasterStronger]

moomoo - when you say you have paid plenty in, are you aware that you have to earn more than £26k per year to pay enough tax for the government services you use in any year?

if you earn less than that in any year, however much tax you think you are paying, its less than the amount you take out in services.

[LittleChickpea]

Wordfactory so how do we struture the taxation? How do we band it in terms of salary and what should the levels be? For example up until April 2013 some people were paying 51% of their wages in tax? What is an acceptable level?

And what do we dowith people that choose not to work? Do we just say fine off you go, don't worry we I'll increase some hardworking persons tax instead? that's not right! Also Increasing taxes alone will in no way cover our current outla and deficit.

[scottishmummy]

So that's your solution scrap trident?that's not enough to finance statutory demands and pay sahp

[FairyJen]

Tbf moo at 22 the op will not have paid in masses compared to a woman who has a career break in her 30's for example. Just a point worth noting.

Also I find it a bit about the level of benefits when she is living with her parent so will not be paying a full rent or mortgage for example. I hate to admit it but the more I read this thread the more I start to judge. Sorry.

[Mannequinkate]

I suppose I need to get a life then, as I see the benefits system as a safety net in case I lost my job or was too ill to work. Not a savings account that I can dip into if I fancy a career break

[spanky2]

I get judged for being a SAHM and I am married . Alot of people aren'tnice . I wouldn't judge you. You are doing what you think is right for your family .

[FairyJen]

Taxing higher earners will not work. I used to pay a stupid amount of tax, around 40% as was over threshold, then large pension etc etc putting it simply I will not take another job over that threshold again.

For eg my dp earnt 19,000 pa and I earnt 33,000 pa after my tax and pension etc we were bringing home same wage! Fucking pointless that was!

[ThingummyBob]

I think some people do not realise that in work benefits are usually much higher than out of work benefits.

[LittleChickpea]

Eaves so you don't know.... Then how can you possibly accept that its ok and affordable for people to carry on quitting their jobs and getting benefits. It can only boil down to some feeling of entitlement. That's ok, I know now, I was just wondering...

[jellybeans]

Not possible in many cases to care for small kids and go to work at the same time with only one parent (unless work from home/childmind etc). So either way state will need to help either by paying for childcare so lone parent can work or paying to allow lone parent to stay home. Former is often more expensive so why does it matter which they do? Just because some working mums don't like the fact they 'have to' go to work so why should others not have to? Totally different if you are in a two parent family, you have way more choice.

[ThingummyBob]

Fairyjen your pension contributions must have been around £800 per month for your wages to come out the same

Not sure that exactly pointless.

[eavesdropping]

Yes, I believe that one parent within a family unit should be entitled to be a SAHP. Funnily enough the government believes that too, don't they?

I suppose that is a "feeling of entitlement", but I don't see that as being a negative thing. People feel entitled to all sorts of things within society, such as education or healthcare. I place value on the importance of being able to care for your own child, should you so wish.

[SpringlingSpaniel]

"Mannequinkate Fri 15-Mar-13 10:46:23
I suppose I need to get a life then, as I see the benefits system as a safety net in case I lost my job or was too ill to work. Not a savings account that I can dip into if I fancy a career break"

^^ this.

Moomoo I don't think you understand how the system works. If everyone thought that paying some taxes entitled them to claim it back when they wanted to take some time off work, the country would go bankrupt very quickly.

[KidderminsterKate]

I'd not judge you but I'd think you were making poor life choices. It's very important to role model a good work ethic. If you have a job in this climate then you'd be a fool to give it up.

It is hard to leave a baby but I strongly feel single parents have more of a responsibility to work so you can improve your life chances. otherwise you'll be stuck in your parents house on benefits forever and that's no life for your little one.

Sahm is NOT a job......how ridiculous to suggest it. Its a lifestyle choice and one that lone parents do not have the luxury of.....