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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if people judge single mums for not working?

776 replies

PigsCanSoar · 14/03/2013 22:56

I have a 11 m/o, and am a 22 year old single mum. I have handed in my notice to work now, as I don't feel he is ready to be left yet. He has always been very clingy, he will happily go off and play with anyone if I am there, but as soon as I leave the room he will just cry and cry.
He is also still breastfeeding every 2-3 hours, and ideally I would like to let him self wean up until 2.

I have no doubts about this being best for DS, and am planning to stay with him until 2 then look for a job again, but I just feel a bit anxious about actually telling people this, as since he was born it seems to have been constant "so when are you going back to work then" off everyone.

I am very lucky to be back living with my mum, so money isn't much of an issue as this will just postpone moving out for a bit.
So there's no necessity to leave him before he's ready, but I just feel like I'll look "lazy" for not going back yet.

OP posts:
Original poster
PigsCanSoar · 16/03/2013 17:48

I want to as it is a job I enjoy and it's rewarding. It actually involving other people rather than just finances/material things like many other jobs. I have never said I don't rate it highly. I don't rate the behaviour of some staff, or the level of care given by some highly. It's a different thing to the actual job.

OP posts:
Original poster
PigsCanSoar · 16/03/2013 17:50

little, I wasn't ttc. I couldn't have gone through with an abortion. Nothing against other people having them but just personally couldn't have lived with knowing I had.

OP posts:
wordfactory · 16/03/2013 17:54

Ah well pigs you didn't give the impression that the service you offered was valuable. Quiet the opposite.

As for whether I claim benefit; no I don't.

I would rather be as free from the state as I possibly can.

anotheryearolder · 16/03/2013 17:55

Can I ask what leaving the job but remaining on the books means ?
If I left my job I would be unemployed as my contract would end.

The comments referring to being out of the workplace for 2 or more years are perfectly valid.
I had children close together and took maternity leave , remained employed and thus the terms of my contract were protected.I also did "keep in touch days " over the years mat leave. It wasnt easy by any stretch - even during the year there were many changes.

morethanpotatoprints · 16/03/2013 17:57

Littlechickpea

Oh thank you so much for paying for all those things for us you really are an angel. Now if you can just not claim your cb the gov will have enough to go round.
If you don't claim it you must be an awfully rich person. I am so in awe of your superior presence. We are truly honoured, lol Grin

LittleChickpea · 16/03/2013 17:57

Pigs like I said its not always a possible choice. I would have found it impossible to abort.

I can't speak for others but this subject is a bit of a landline. Nothing wrong with been a SAHM but it's hard for some of us to sympathise when someone lives their job voluntarily and goes on benefits. I know it sounds odd but I don't mind working parents getting more financial support than they do now. It's 50/50, some people will judge you and some people won't judge you.

LittleChickpea · 16/03/2013 18:02

morethan you have a tendency to say some idiotic things when you have nothing to say. Sometimes silence is golden. Grin

Yes I can look after myself and I am very fortunate to have worked hard, not relied on others and got myself financially secure. Do I smell a bit of green envy there? Grin

Original poster
PigsCanSoar · 16/03/2013 18:02

By staying on the books I mean they've kept all details etc, nothing has been "ended" officially as in me saying I don't want to ever go back, but in a years time I will go back and see if they need any more staff or not and if they don't then I will either wait a month or so if someone is going on maternity leave soon, or look elsewhere.

Word, what did I say to suggest that?

OP posts:
lottieandmia · 16/03/2013 18:06

The point made about students is entirely valid - I know of quite a few people who from the age of 18 have started course after course, but who don't have any intention of getting a job.They finish one course and then begin another. AFAIK all students are exempt from council tax anyway. The bursaries they get are funded by the tax payer.

wordfactory · 16/03/2013 18:07

This reply has been deleted

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morethanpotatoprints · 16/03/2013 18:10

littlechickpea

Sorry, was it not you up thread that was stating all the things you have paid for on behalf of others. I was replying. Apologies if it wasn't you. Sincerely, I do mean it.

Why would that make me envious, I wouldn't want to work for an employer and haven't in over 20 years. I have no intention of sending my dd to school in order to pay for luxuries and none essentials. I'm not that shallow. I don't expect tax payers to top up my dhs income but they do. We are very lucky that we will still receive his tax credits under UC. I personally don't receive money and won't under UC. However If I get a job I will be able to claim benefit.

wordfactory · 16/03/2013 18:10

pig you gave the impression that you found day care unpalatable for the under twos and that your work colleagues were neglectful.

And of course it pays badly.

morethanpotatoprints · 16/03/2013 18:16

word.

Call me what you like if it makes you feel better. I haven't said I'm educated and intelligent in fact I have severe learning difficulties. Feel free to check this out on other threads, maybe H.ed you'll find some.
I do actually find your post offensive and the previous one where I believe it was you who called me thick, once again.
So where exactly am I being thick then?

LittleChickpea · 16/03/2013 18:16

Word well said.. I really think this is apt for this particular situation with morethan

If you're going to be a smartass first you have to be smart, otherwise you're just being an ass.

Original poster
PigsCanSoar · 16/03/2013 18:17

No, I said under 2's with a certain disposition don't adapt well. Some under 2's, and even under 1's are absolutly fine there. But not all.

Not comforting a crying child is not neglectful. That is an extreme term to use, lots of parents leave their own children to cry. I just don't agree with this being used past a certain point personally. There is a difference between care that isn't ideal and neglect.

OP posts:
wordfactory · 16/03/2013 18:17

In the end OP, it's up to you.

It just all seems like such a terrible plan.

Go on the rock and roll, then go back to a badly paid job where you don't rate your colleagues.

Is that really the sum total?

You seem like a bright and articulate person...I really don't get it.

Original poster
PigsCanSoar · 16/03/2013 18:20

morethan, don't take it personally you haven't sounded thick, you've just offended a few vastly superior, self dependent posters by having different priorities regarding children.

OP posts:
lottieandmia · 16/03/2013 18:21

'Ah well pigs you didn't give the impression that the service you offered was valuable. Quiet the opposite.'

'morethan if you don't like being called thick, stop acting like you are!

You say you are educated and intelligent...show some signs of it.'

There is no need to be rude and sneering to argue a point.

LittleChickpea · 16/03/2013 18:21

Sorry, was it not you up thread that was stating all the things you have paid for on behalf of others. I was replying. Apologies if it wasn't you. Sincerely, I do mean it.

If you don't know then check your facts before writing drivel! If its me then please tell me exactly what I said about paying for stuff on behalf of others. This is a discussion forums following OPs question.

wordfactory · 16/03/2013 18:22

morethan quite a number of posters ahve pointed out to you that your views on the economy, pension funds and the job market are risible...

That is bad enough, but jumping in with frankly childish comments makes you just look silly.

Original poster
PigsCanSoar · 16/03/2013 18:23

I think my collegues in the toddler and preschool rooms are very capable and caring. Its specifically 3 members of staff in the baby room who I don't find adequate or well suited. This as well has probably not helped as there would have been no chance of me sending DS to the same nursery until 2.

OP posts:
lottieandmia · 16/03/2013 18:23

I find it difficult to believe that anyone on this thread never claimed child benefit - it's very difficult not to claim tbh. Obviously the rules have changed but even the rich and famous admitted to claiming it.

wordfactory · 16/03/2013 18:25

lottie when your DC are being silly, don't you tell them to stop?

If people want people to give their views adequate consideration, they need to express them with intelligence.

wordfactory · 16/03/2013 18:28

Well pigs there we are.

You seem content to live your life. People will judge you as I say. And they will judge your child. Tant pis.

If I were you, that would be the least of my worries.

Original poster
PigsCanSoar · 16/03/2013 18:28

word, you are talking to other grown up adults, not your children. Would you speak to an adult in person like that for having a different view?

OP posts:
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