To ask if people judge single mums for not working?

[PigsCanSoar]

I have a 11 m/o, and am a 22 year old single mum. I have handed in my notice to work now, as I don't feel he is ready to be left yet. He has always been very clingy, he will happily go off and play with anyone if I am there, but as soon as I leave the room he will just cry and cry.
He is also still breastfeeding every 2-3 hours, and ideally I would like to let him self wean up until 2.

I have no doubts about this being best for DS, and am planning to stay with him until 2 then look for a job again, but I just feel a bit anxious about actually telling people this, as since he was born it seems to have been constant "so when are you going back to work then" off everyone.

I am very lucky to be back living with my mum, so money isn't much of an issue as this will just postpone moving out for a bit.
So there's no necessity to leave him before he's ready, but I just feel like I'll look "lazy" for not going back yet.

Excellent post more than and totally correct.

Question do people judge students who recieve benefits as they cant work. IME most students claim benefits rather than work and study. They are doing it for themselves why can op not do it for her child?

I agree morethan - I've never felt judged in RL for being a SAHM. I've only ever had one daft comment - that I was a lady of leisure - but that was from a child-free man, so I took it with a pinch of salt. Perhaps people are inwardly judging but as you say, so what.

students don't normally get benefits though

I wont judge you OP but I will say maybe you could look for PT work and explore child minders - I am a lone parent of 3 and work - I never had an issue with using childcare.

When I had DS i was 18 - he was not planned. The relationship with his Dad didn't last. I lived on benefits for about 6 years in all - by the end i had met my current partner and put myself through college. We both got jobs and i earn fairly well now. Benefits then were probably more 'generous' than now, but it meant that I could turn my life around. I don't think i'd have been able to do that now - I'd probably still be stuck on benefits.
Maybe I should not have got pregnant so young, but accidents do happen - is the answer to condemn parents and children to a life of poverty for not making a sensible and responsible choice? And even back then being on benefits was not easy. I remember standing outside tesco with two bags of shopping and a toddler in the rain and weighing up spending £2.00 on the bus or walking a mile in the rain to get home. We walked - I just could not afford the bus fare.
Interestingly my DS has worked since he was 13 (part time washer uper after school) and has now completed a BSc and MSc - he has never claimed benefits. He has a strong work ethic (as I do) and I am sure the memory of the poverty of being on benefits spurs him on.
People on here are very quick to judge something they have no experience of based on newspaper propoganda and this government's shameful criminalisation of the poor. I'm proud we live in a country with a welfare system and proud to pay into it.

Constant that reminds me of my childhood - mum kicked my awful father out after his 3rd affair then we 'lived' on benefits while she went to college. She started on O Level needle work in 1973 and qualified as a teacher in 1984 - I have a very strong work ethic thanks to my mum and also as you said due to know what it's like to have no money for heat or bus fare

true crawling, not to mention thousands of pounds worth of student loans that never get repaid...

Students do get benefits, grants, bursaries, they also get loans and I know many of my friends (im a teen mum) who are in university who do indeed get jobseekers and housing benefit. So yes they do claim. They also get a reduction in council tax.

Dont they also get esa (sorry not sure on its name) or something a benefit that is paid only if they attend college I think its something like £30 a week.

Students only get benefits if they have a child. Students without children don't get any benefits.

They still get grants loans and bursaries which are benefits of being a student not to memtion a £15000 poynd grant for teacher training and £30000 for some medicine careers. They do get that thing where they get £30 A week if they attend full time studies. These all come out of tax payers money.

Grants, loans and bursaries are not social security benefits. They are grants, loans and bursaries. They might be a perk of being a student in that sense of the word benefit but they are not benefits like housing benefit etc.

The £30 a week is only if they are not working. Perhaps as students can work evenings and weekends they should not claim grants and loans which cost the government.

Disclaimer I dont believe this just pointing out most people here have been in recipt of some benefits at one time or another and do it fine when it suits them.

Crawling EMA stopped several years ago and as far as i know full time students aren't entitled to JSA as they aren't available to work.
It also depends on where they are living in terms of other benefits. My ds1 has just graduated and luckily he enrolled before the huge fee increases.
He worked full time varying shifts whilst studying and had no benefits, even though we are a low income family. He also paid for part of his fees, driving lessons, car and insurance having worked since age 16. He is paying the loan back now, through his pay packet every month.
I'm sure there are just as many different circumstances in the finances of students as there are in other parts of society. I just wanted to point out that circumstances change from one year to the next in education.

I disagree they are benefits available to students you cant pick and choose what money you get from the tax payer is okay it all comes from the tax money when this country is in deficit.

Morethan I dont disagree with students having these things at all just using it to illustrate a argument.

Sorry, to explain JSA entitlement you have to be available to seek work and take work offered. You can still work full time if you can fit it in like my ds1 did, but you are not available to seek work whilst at uni.
I think there are few students entitled to welfare benefits, obviously those with dc are treated the same as any other parent regarding benefits.

How is saying its not benefits picking and choosing what money is okay to take from the tax payer? Its not benefits. Here is a list of benefits:
Taxable ones www.hmrc.gov.uk/manuals/eimanual/eim76101.htm
Non taxable ones www.hmrc.gov.uk/manuals/eimanual/eim76100.htm

Grants, loans and bursaries are not benefits.

Crawling.

I know you don't, I just am up to date as ds1 is 21 and ds2 is 18. I also spent a time teaching during EMA and it really wasn't such a huge benefit, my ds1 just covered his text books and bus fares as it should.

They still come from tax payer money and a few years ago tax credits were not seen as benefits yet everyone is so happy to say people should not claim these.

They may come from tax payer money but they are not benefits. They are bursaries, grants and loans. It might be semantics more than anything but they really are not benefits in the sense of housing benefit, council tax benefit etc. Tax credits are benefits and are in those lists I just posted. I can't speak for everybody in the last bit of your post but I think people should claim whatever they need to survive but should probably accept that some things are benefits in the eyes of the government and some are not.

I agree its semantics but imo as it still comes from tax payers money it is a valid point to make.

Crawling.

I see where you are coming from now. I think EMA was a benefit but even then it wasn't available to everybody, and was awarded on a sliding scale. £30 a week meant that ds1 could afford to attend college as he only worked a few hours to fit in with A levels. They stopped it soon after he finished these and my ds2 18 has received no financial support at all.
I don't know if any other benefits are given to students, I know mine haven't had any.

It might be a valid point that grants, loans and bursaries come from tax payer money so are similar to benefits but its incorrect to say they are actually benefits because they aren't.

eaves

If you're getting at is whether I will find it difficult to re-enter the workplace - it's not something that keeps me awake at night. I worked for 17 years prior to having DD, I have a good degree, voluntary experience etc etc. I feel confident that I will find work once I decide to.

No that's an assumption. I was asking because I was wondering how long it has been. So technically you have been out for 2 years. Therefore you don't know what's been going on in the last two years or how hard and competitive it is to try get a job now. Well, unless you have applied and gone for interviews. I think you may be surprised.