Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if people judge single mums for not working?

776 replies

PigsCanSoar · 14/03/2013 22:56

I have a 11 m/o, and am a 22 year old single mum. I have handed in my notice to work now, as I don't feel he is ready to be left yet. He has always been very clingy, he will happily go off and play with anyone if I am there, but as soon as I leave the room he will just cry and cry.
He is also still breastfeeding every 2-3 hours, and ideally I would like to let him self wean up until 2.

I have no doubts about this being best for DS, and am planning to stay with him until 2 then look for a job again, but I just feel a bit anxious about actually telling people this, as since he was born it seems to have been constant "so when are you going back to work then" off everyone.

I am very lucky to be back living with my mum, so money isn't much of an issue as this will just postpone moving out for a bit.
So there's no necessity to leave him before he's ready, but I just feel like I'll look "lazy" for not going back yet.

OP posts:
SirChenjin · 15/03/2013 18:42

Morethan - what on earth are you on about??! Too many people working??!Where on earth did you learn economics!!!!!

allnewtaketwo · 15/03/2013 18:42

If I chose not to work, we would receive tax credits. We would therefore be receiving benefits.

Babyroobs · 15/03/2013 18:43

Of course tax credits are a benefit . Many families get far more in tax credits than they pay in tax , and people on income support paying no tax get them too !

allnewtaketwo · 15/03/2013 18:43

More than, I'm actually quite concerned that you are home educating. I don't mean to be rude, but you don't seem very bright

AnnabelKarma · 15/03/2013 18:44

You are talking rubbishmorethan

If tax credits were returned tax, the richest would be getting the most back. As it stands, they get bugger all.

It's a benefit. And I don.t even know how to respond to the idea that one of a couple working should hand their job over to someone unemployed. It's just so preposterous it's laughable.

TheChaoGoesMu · 15/03/2013 18:47

I wouldn't judge someone for giving up work if they had the means to support themselves. I would judge a perfectly healthy adult for giving up their job to go on benefits, unless there was a really good reason. The benefits system should only be there to provide a safety net for those who have fallen on hard times, for whatever reason, until they can get back on their feet, or if someone is unable to work through disability, or for needing to care for someone with a disability.

Altinkum · 15/03/2013 18:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

seriouscakeeater · 15/03/2013 18:48

linerunner I agree!

It was the home repairs that used to get me (i know it sounds silly) that was the only time I was frustrated i didnt have a man hero around the house Confused In the end after attacking a plug with a knife many of timesI could fix most things ( you tube was a great help lol) and much better than DH now lol!

It will get better honestly, where i have been a complete tit and started all over again! Wink

I must look like an old bag as my DD got me anti wrinkle cream for mothers day! i actually thought it was very thoughtfull !!

FasterStronger · 15/03/2013 18:49

"Its your money, its got your name written on it"

they aren't saying that any more.

abbyfromoz · 15/03/2013 18:52

Firstly congrats on being an awesome mum. Secondly who gives a damn what people think? What would they know? Xx

morethanpotatoprints · 15/03/2013 18:56

firstly. where did I suggest somebody hand a job over to somebody who is unemployed?

Tax credits are not a benefit we will have to beg to differ here. At least they weren't until another propaganda myth spun by government. Its funny how they weren't under the labour gov, lol.

I am bright enough to have managed the family finances for the past 25 years, paid off the mortgage and have enough to live off nicely in retirement without working for a living. As for educating my dd I am a qualified teacher so, if you have nothing else......

yes I agree if I worked as well the income would be higher, tax credits would be less but with childcare we would be worse off, so that is not economically viable.
I thought I was supposed to be thick and not understand economics.

If you think it is economically viable to work for nothing or minus money, I would question your sanity tbh.

Wallison · 15/03/2013 18:59

If your income goes down by more than £2,500 you get re-assessed in the current year. Just telling you so that you can tell your DS.

FasterStronger · 15/03/2013 19:00

enough to live off nicely in retirement without working for a living

if you continue to rely on other people working, which I am sure you will....

allnewtaketwo · 15/03/2013 19:01

Tax credits BENEFIT your family financially and are paid by the STATE at TAXPAYERS expense. You're in denial. I have no idea why you're so reluctant to admit you're in receipt of benefits. You were very happy to announce up thread that you were about to collect your free prescription Confused

morethanpotatoprints · 15/03/2013 19:09

allnew

I am not in denial at all if you or if others want to believe what you are told by government thats fine.
Tax credit started as family credit and has had several titles since. It never was classed as a benefit as you had to work to receive it. Now the goal posts have moved and the latest gov have called it a benefit, so be it.
As we have been awarded this for many years now, I look at it as I did in the beginning. You choose to believe what you like.
What is wrong with receiving free prescriptions if you are a low income family?

Faster
I am not going to work, which means I will be unavailable to seek employment so will not be entitled to UC, how will I be living off others?

allnewtaketwo · 15/03/2013 19:12

It's not what I am told by the government for heavens sake. I am capable of understanding that a payment from the state is a benefit. I used to receive child benefit but no longer do. That was a benefit as well.

weegiemum · 15/03/2013 19:14

I only work for a token salary as I work for a struggling charity providing literacy services for women with no qualifications. I'm a fully trained, highly experienced teacher. I do it partly as I'm disabled, and it's physically much easier than secondary classroom teachers, also because my dh earns a good salary but works long hours as a GP, and so I need to be available for holidays/after school. And partly because, though there's a huge amount of policies from this government we detest, the "big society" is something we can buy in to. I tutor 2 days a week and also run a literacy group at church.

However, I also reserve the right for dh and I both to work if we so wish. I'm a senior (in Scotland I'm a Chartered) Teacher, I don't know if there's an equivalency elsewhere in the UK. Bascically it's seniority that means you stay in the classroom or in curriculum development rather than moving into school management. I have an undergrad degree, pgce, MEd and a further undergrad degree in a different subject I did for fun. And I also work as a senior marker for the exam board. My dh has his medical degree, full GP training, has done specialisms in family planning and GP Training and is now a specialist community mental health provider. So ... Which of us do you want to give up? One doctor less, one teacher less?? Sadly, though I'm actually more senior in my profession, my dh can earn 3x my max ft salary. And my disability made the decision for us.

However, I find the thought that a couple shouldn't both have jobs because some have none ridiculous! The person I know best in a non-income household is a friend from theology college (my fun degree!!). She has 2 dds under 3, all her work experience is retail in bakeries. Her dp is a complete waster who has never worked. How can anyone even contemplate that we shouldn't both work as they can't? Such an odd opinion (especially given the money that's been sunk into dh and I's training ( though I paid for my MEd and BTh myself).

However, I also think being a sahm (as I was for a few years) is a full time job!! (with 3 dc under 4, certainly!!). And I get benefits. I get High Rate DLA Mobility (as even walking to the end of he drive is often hard and I use a wheelchair), and Medium Care (as I need either my dh or, if he's away on-call, my dd1 to help me dress). I think I'm entitled to that - if I didn't get the mobility component, how would I get to my (practically unpaid) job that benefits society? But there are some who think I'm a waster cos I can't walk (not on here, I hasten to add).

allnewtaketwo · 15/03/2013 19:14

I didn't say there was anything wrong with receiving free prescriptions per se, but undoubtedly they are a BENEFIT, which you apparently receive due to the suppression of income due to your decision not to work

seriouscakeeater · 15/03/2013 19:18

wallisonI will let her know, thank you.

morethan of course you will look at it like that, it sounds better lol Grin

sunshine401 · 15/03/2013 19:21

You do not get working tax credits if you do not work. Confused Clues in the name.
You get child tax credits for childcare (if you work/student) Most families can claim up to 70% of their costs.

You do get child credit whether or not you work but not the childcare element of course.

sunshine401 · 15/03/2013 19:23

prescriptions are a benefit anyway we are so lucky to have them. Medical care/medication costs are a lot worst in other countries.

eavesdropping · 15/03/2013 19:30

Seeings as we've now moved onto judging people who get free prescriptions...I'd like to know if there's anybody on this thread who works but who also happens to be diabetic or epileptic. I bet you happily tick the medical exemption box without worrying about the state of the economy...

sneezingwakesthebaby · 15/03/2013 19:31

Tax credits are benefits.

See here
www.hmrc.gov.uk/manuals/eimanual/eim76100.htm

It's a link to a list of social security benefits from the HMRC website and look what seems to be listed. Both forms of tax credits.

Wallison · 15/03/2013 19:32

Of course tax credits are a benefit. They're largely an in-work benefit, but they're a benefit just the same. As I said, thanks to tax credits I actually receive more in benefits as a working parent than I would do if I wasn't working. Ergo I'm an even bigger scrounger than I would be on the dole.

allnewtaketwo · 15/03/2013 19:34

Who judged anybody for getting free prescriptions Confused