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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if people judge single mums for not working?

776 replies

PigsCanSoar · 14/03/2013 22:56

I have a 11 m/o, and am a 22 year old single mum. I have handed in my notice to work now, as I don't feel he is ready to be left yet. He has always been very clingy, he will happily go off and play with anyone if I am there, but as soon as I leave the room he will just cry and cry.
He is also still breastfeeding every 2-3 hours, and ideally I would like to let him self wean up until 2.

I have no doubts about this being best for DS, and am planning to stay with him until 2 then look for a job again, but I just feel a bit anxious about actually telling people this, as since he was born it seems to have been constant "so when are you going back to work then" off everyone.

I am very lucky to be back living with my mum, so money isn't much of an issue as this will just postpone moving out for a bit.
So there's no necessity to leave him before he's ready, but I just feel like I'll look "lazy" for not going back yet.

OP posts:
diddl · 15/03/2013 13:36

-Other than stuff for children, of course!

How does income support work then?

difficultpickle · 15/03/2013 13:39

I wrote a post and then MN went off line and lost it.

If you aren't intending to claim benefits then it is no one else's business but yours. If you intend to claim benefits when you could work then I'd rather my tax money wasn't contributing. Having said that I doubt you could actually claim benefits as you aren't available for work and voluntarily gave up employment.

Good luck to you, it must be lovely to be a single parent and not have to work. It is a luxury that very few single parents, myself included, can afford.

SirChenjin · 15/03/2013 13:41

Can you really voluntarily give up a job, take yourself out of the job market, and still claim benefits? Shock

I'm doing something wrong....

jellybeans · 15/03/2013 13:43

Excellent post Dahlen.

LittleChickpea · 15/03/2013 13:47

morethan for someone as well educated as you, I have to say you do come out with some seriously flawed comments... The two working adults comment has had me in stitches.

The rich businesses including bankers have created the problems.

Morethan please can you explain to me how the bankers did this?

eavesdropping · 15/03/2013 13:49

Of course the OP could claim benefits. I would imagine that, seeings as her baby is only 11 months and she has been BFing every 2-3 hours, she has been on mat leave up until now & is giving her notice in rather than returning to work.

A single parent is entitled to look after their child until school age rather than work, and claim benefits if needs be.

No different from a SAHM with a working DP whose family claim child benefit and maybe tax credits.

tomverlaine · 15/03/2013 13:50

I would judge to a degree but more from the point of view that you are dependent on your mother for financial support (and I can't work out whether you would be even if you went back to work)- and I believe you should (or rather at least the couple having the baby)be able to independently support your selves

morethanpotatoprints · 15/03/2013 13:50

I'm back. Dh is doing English today, I have a break yey!

Scottish It is to become compulsory soon for all people who are able to seek none existent work, in order for them to keep benefit.
There will be no or hardly any savings to benefit from these people as they will still receive their benefit. The only requirement is to seek.
So some sahp's are now faced with the option to look for none existent jobs and keep benefit, or in other cases opt out of the system and lose entitlement to any benefit. I say some sahp's because obviously there are those not claiming benefit as their dp earns more than entitlement.
I know several people who are employed in more than one job, and families with both working, you don't need to be an economist to know that this is not sustainable.
The answer to the question do I work, well not for an employer I don't. So I don't pay tax, holiday pay etc. I do have money for a pension though and up to date with NI contributions. My dh gives me half his wages and along with TC and cb, I manage the finances.
I didn't say I had no intention of working again, but it is highly unlikely as we intend to H.ed for the next 10 years.

allnewtaketwo · 15/03/2013 13:54

"I do have money for a pension though and up to date with NI contributions."

good luck with that when there's no state pension when you retire

eavesdropping · 15/03/2013 13:54

For those who are having difficulty grasping the entitlement of a single parent to stay off work to bring up their child, here is a link:

www.dwp.gov.uk/policy/welfare-reform/lone-parents/

Lone parents can claim income support until the child is 5 at which point they are expected to seek work.

People may not agree with that, but that is already in place I'm afraid.

Viviennemary · 15/03/2013 13:58

I have read that this is changing with universal credit. People will only be exempt from seeking work if they have a child under one. That seems to be the proposal.

morethanpotatoprints · 15/03/2013 14:02

Allnew

Why will I need good luck when I have pension provision already. Its not with a company so it can't be lost, like so many plans can when the company goes bust.

eavesdropping

That was also my point above, seeking is one thing. Actually finding a job is another. The gov have done this to placate the many workers who have complained about the system, it won't save any money. How can it when the only compulsory aspect is seeking work? However, what is being proposed to those who really need welfare such as single parents, disabled and carers, the long term unemployed is just diabolical and how anybody can applaud this is beyond me.

eavesdropping · 15/03/2013 14:05

Viviennemary my understanding is that under UC, a single parent with a child aged between 1 & 5 would be required to attend work-focused interviews to keep in touch with the workplace, but wouldn't be expected to actively seek work until their child is at school.

Viviennemary · 15/03/2013 14:14

You are probably right evesdropping. I read it on a thread about benefits and signing on a while ago. I can't see the point of work focused interviews for people who won't be working for another four years.

FasterStronger · 15/03/2013 14:16

morethan - I very much doubt your personal pension will amount to much. if I were you I would take a look at how much it will be. Most people will be disappointed. People who have been out of the workplace for longest are likely to be the worst off.

allnewtaketwo · 15/03/2013 14:32

more than unless you're putting hundreds of pounds per month into a pension pot then you should have your fingers crossed it will be worth anything at all

morethanpotatoprints · 15/03/2013 14:56

I think it is also only necessary to take work during school hours, but have heard people say that there are even fewer of these jobs around.
Work focused interviews are also another way for gov to say they are tackling unemployment, to tick another box to please the supporters of the welfare cuts. There seems to be a lot of goal post moving, I would guess to manipulate figures. I don't think much will change for the majority. As I said before though, what is happening to the most needy in society is just diabolical.

morethanpotatoprints · 15/03/2013 15:01

Allnew and Faster

I know what you mean, so many people lose savings through inflation, it pays to invest in other areas and not put all your eggs in one basket.

FasterStronger · 15/03/2013 15:13

it was the size of the pension pot rather than the investment decisions I was referring to.

morethanpotatoprints · 15/03/2013 15:39

Faster
I don't think the initial size matters if it is growing and will out perform inflation.

LadyPessaryPam · 15/03/2013 15:49

So you are a financial wizard as well are you morethan?

allnewtaketwo · 15/03/2013 15:55

"I don't think the initial size matters if it is growing and will out perform inflation"

Hmm I would think the initial size very much matters. So £1000 starting point even with a great return won't give you much when you're 65

seriouscakeeater · 15/03/2013 16:03

even more Shock Shock than i was last night!!
Just came on to have a nosey and paled at some of the posts on here!
The benefit system is a BUFFER! for those who genuinly NEED it. Posters saying 'go for it, enjoy your time'...just wow!
Having a child is no one elses responsability than the mother AND fathers. NOT mine or the goverments. Its not up to me to pay for there christmas presents or food or housing while you are able to play house with free money! How lovely would that be??
Utter selfishness and entitlement! You cant just take from the pot with out putting something in. I just can not get my head around people who find that ok?

This is why the goverment are being complete arse holes and clawing every thing back because people have been talking the piss for too long.

People who have genuine disabilitys, familys truley down on there luck people who need it deserve it not some crazy assed people who think 'hey you know what, I'm entitled to have kids and expect every one one else to pay...its only nature after all...'
Confused

seriouscakeeater · 15/03/2013 16:10

Still cant believe the utter -wank- excuses for not applying for jobs.... touigh shit, unless you win the lottery im afraid you have to join the rest of the human race and work for your money.
If you cant afford to pay for your own children...stop having them.

A post few posts up said that in the future most benefits will dry up...i agree..what the hell are you going to do then...

FasterStronger · 15/03/2013 16:12

This is why the government are being complete arse holes and clawing every thing back because people have been talking the piss for too long

yes.