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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is it really bad to have a baby in a nursery?

71 replies

secretofcrickleyhall · 13/03/2013 22:06

Hi. I know the general consensus seems to be that babies/younger toddlers are better off in more homely environments (a childminder.) However, I have to admit I'm a bit wary about childminders (I appreciate I am unreasonable with this as it isn't all or even most of them.) When I was young I had to stay with a childminder and the other mindees used to bully me (I was the only girl.) I was also smacked by the childminder for breaking an ornament and for wetting myself once. I didn't tell my parents because I thought I had been naughty and would be in trouble with them, too!

The thing is that I know a couple of childminders and while they aren't anything like that horrible woman, one is rude and one is so ridiculously fussy about her house - the kids aren't allowed outside of the designated room, so I can't see how it's a homely environment - I just feel happier with a nursery. But is that wrong? I've done a search on this topic but would appreciate some more thoughts!

OP posts:

dozily · 13/03/2013 22:09

Personally I feel happier about using a nursery, although I've never used a cm.

My 2 dc started nursery aged 12 months and it has been a great experience for them.

Alambil · 13/03/2013 22:11

does it give you peace of mind to put DC in a nursery?
are they a reputable nursery?
have you looked around and got a feel for the place?

if the answer is "yes" to all those, of COURSE it's not wrong.

Nurseries aren't the work house!

spongebobsquareeyes · 13/03/2013 22:12

My Dd1 was in nursery from 5 month until 2 and a half, and we had no issues! But just as you would with a childminder, make sure the nursery feels right before you commit.

Original poster

secretofcrickleyhall · 13/03/2013 22:12

Lol Lewisfan! Yeah, it would give me peace of mind, which is silly really ... I mean, I know there will be lovely childminders, it's just the idea that if they WEREN'T lovely, the child would be pretty much helpless Horrible, but true.

OP posts:

Fakebook · 13/03/2013 22:13

I left my dd in nursery. She's turned out fine. The childminders you know sound strange. They're not all like that you know?

trixymalixy · 13/03/2013 22:13

One of the reasons I didn't want to use a childminder is that when they are on holiday, you need to take holidays or find other cover.

I also felt a bit like you. My kids were perfectly happy in nursery from about 13 months.

LegoAcupuncture · 13/03/2013 22:13

My sister uses a brilliant cm. shes always doing something with them and my niece loves going. Previous to that she had a crap one who used to just plonk the kids in front of the telly.

If you're unsure, visit a few cm at home when they have mindees so you can get a feel for the enviroment.

LindyHemming · 13/03/2013 22:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Yfronts · 13/03/2013 22:14

I would rather a fantastic childminder then a fantastic nursery. If you can't find fantastic childminder, a nursery would be fine I'm sure.

KenDoddsDadsDog · 13/03/2013 22:15

My DD's nursery is a homely environment.

MousyMouse · 13/03/2013 22:15

no it's not wrong.
nurseries can be a very nurturing environment with lots of cuddles.
you just neec to chose the one that is right for you and baby.

JassyRadlett · 13/03/2013 22:16

DS has been in nursery since he was 9 mo. He adores, and so do we. He gets so much out of it, loves his key person and is secure and well-adjusted. Not sure why a childminder would be 'automatically' better?

WillowB · 13/03/2013 22:17

I don't think there s any right or wrong here. You need to do what's best for you and your baby. That means you feeling comfortable with the choice you make. I read the research etc suggesting that a homely environment was best however I had to balance that against not being let down at short notice if cm was ill & needing a term time only contract. In the end it came down to DH being uncomfortable with sending DS to a CM as he hadn't been to nursery himself as a child. He had sent lots of time in a home setting and struggled with school for a long time as a result.
DS only does 2 days though. Think I would have chosen a cm if he was full time.

Coconutty · 13/03/2013 22:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ButTheButtons · 13/03/2013 22:18

I've used both settings - DS1went to a nursery and DS2 went to a childminder. Each has pros and cons. However, I always felt more comfortable with the nursery setting because I felt very involved and chatted to the staff at pick up time whereas my CM was a quick handover at the front door with minimal discussion! The biggest plus about nursery IMO, is that I always knew where DS1 was at any time during the day but my CM could be out and about anywhere.

Do whatever feels best for you and your child. You'll make the right choice. :-)

HollyBerryBush · 13/03/2013 22:18

Depends what you want, what you think is the right environment for your child. My CM was brilliant.

Personally I wouldnt touch a nursery with a barge pole for many reasons
(a) friends daughter worked in one, I didnt think dipping dummies in vinegar was appropriate
(b) visited 2 whilst checking up on work experience pupils, confirmed my instinct that a dog in kennels would be better treated
(c) staffed by teenage girls who liked babies but liked their blackberries better

All rated outstanding.

Wolfiefan · 13/03/2013 22:18

What mousy said.
I didn't want one person to "parent" my child. Both of mine have loved their excellent nursery and have been very happy there.

Original poster

secretofcrickleyhall · 13/03/2013 22:18

Fakebook - of course they aren't, it's just I suppose when you know the ones that are, it makes you a bit wary. I think if a parent turned up to look around they'd be all smiles and happy and so on. That's at the heart of my wariness really, that a baby/very young child can't tell you in words if and why they are unhappy.

Hadn't thought about the illness and holidays, that's really important in fact!

OP posts:

OutragedFromLeeds · 13/03/2013 22:21

YANBU to do what you feel is best for your child.

I wouldn't put a baby in a nursery (I've worked in them).

As everyone says it's personal choice.

bedmonster · 13/03/2013 22:22

Personally, if I needed childcare I would use a childminder until about 3 and then use a nursery.
My neighbours are a childminding husband and wife and if I pop round there during the day for any reason (usually to borrow or drop something off), the minded children are all involved and engaged in an activity. They seem to be an extension of their real homes.

With regard to this - and one is so ridiculously fussy about her house - the kids aren't allowed outside of the designated room, registered childminders have to register rooms to be used by the minded children, so the people you refer to will have informed the parents where their kids will and won't be able to go.

Having said that, no, I don't believe it's really bad at all to have a baby in nursery. They are an excellent way for your baby to make friends and interract with peers and other adults in a safe environment.

JockTamsonsBairns · 13/03/2013 22:22

It's not just as straightforward as saying one type of setting is great and the other is awful. Some nurseries are fantastic while some are truly dreadful - same with childminders.

Shop around if you can, and go with your instinct.

OutragedFromLeeds · 13/03/2013 22:22

' it's just the idea that if they WEREN'T lovely, the child would be pretty much helpless Horrible, but true'

and what do you think happens in a nusery?! The babies gang up and protect each other? Kids are helpless wherever they are.

Original poster

secretofcrickleyhall · 13/03/2013 22:23

Perhaps I'm lucky as the nursery I have my eye on is really just lovely; expensive but you do seem to get what you pay for!

OP posts:

GreenEyedGirlxxx · 13/03/2013 22:23

I originally wanted DS to have a child minder as I thought it would be more of a home environment for him as he was so little and I hated the idea of leaving him at all.

But then I changed my mind and ended up sending him to a nursery instead at 18 months. He's now been there for 8 months and its absolutely fantastic. He loves it, the staff are lovely with him and it has a really homelike atmosphere. He gets so much from it and I feel better with lots of adults being there rather than him being with just one adult who is a stranger to me - yes I'm sure most childminders are lovely, but sometimes it's just about your own peace of mind.

Go and meet some childminders and look round a nursery or two and see how you feel. Trust your instincts and do what you're going to feel happiest with.

MajaBiene · 13/03/2013 22:24

Visit some nurseries, visit some childminders, pick the one you like best.

I have also worked in nurseries and there are some I would never leave a baby in, and some I totally would. Also depends on how long the baby has to spend there. DS has been to nursery and childminder, but personally I wouldn't go for a nursery full time for an under 2.

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