Is it really bad to have a baby in a nursery?

[secretofcrickleyhall]

Hi. I know the general consensus seems to be that babies/younger toddlers are better off in more homely environments (a childminder.) However, I have to admit I'm a bit wary about childminders (I appreciate I am unreasonable with this as it isn't all or even most of them.) When I was young I had to stay with a childminder and the other mindees used to bully me (I was the only girl.) I was also smacked by the childminder for breaking an ornament and for wetting myself once. I didn't tell my parents because I thought I had been naughty and would be in trouble with them, too!

The thing is that I know a couple of childminders and while they aren't anything like that horrible woman, one is rude and one is so ridiculously fussy about her house - the kids aren't allowed outside of the designated room, so I can't see how it's a homely environment - I just feel happier with a nursery. But is that wrong? I've done a search on this topic but would appreciate some more thoughts!

Thegreylady

Our nursery doesn't have lambs, but the do hatch chicks from eggs and then rear them and keep as chickens.

They have a rabbit and a vegetable garden which the children plant and grow

Along with loads of other stuff

Oh eek, thegreylady - as I say, I haven't used either CMs or nurseries - but I don't think you need to put one option down in order to big the other one up...?

I do a mix of both. Childminder for two days and nursery for three.

DS loves them both. He's been at nursery from nine months and childminder from fifteen months.

He learns much more from nursery and they have masses of toys and activities, plus lots of other children to play with.

He sleeps better with the childminder and has a more relaxing time there.

It's also good to have him registered at both because it gives more flexibility if nursery is closed or the childminder gets sick. He can do an extra day at the other.

I don't think it's really bad to have your baby in a nursery, but better to get to hospital if you can. Unless you're that keen to get their name on the waiting list of course.

I think it depends on the nursery and the ratio of children to staff - my son is in one for 1.5 days a week (with 1 day with each grandparent until recently since I'm now on mat leave). It's brilliant - the staff are all lovely and they have loads of activities that the kids can do (when he goes in the playdough, painting, lego and other things are set up inside with a sandpit, water play, jungle gym, garden and more outside). He gets to play with lots of kids close to him in age (we do playdates on a Friday but usually only with 1 or 2 kids) and they teach him some Maori words (which I never learnt at school since they only started teaching it regularly once I was older).

However, some of the other childcare centres here are not so great, some can be very 'sterile' and less fun seeming, others a total chaotic mess.

A family member's child is with a childminder at the moment who is brilliant - she is super organised and great fun (she had to look after the child in our house for a couple of days so I got to spend a bit of time with her - she even made muffins to bring for me and my toddler in little 'bug' cases). However, again I know that some childminders here are not so good...

I'm not familiar enough with the UK regulations but if you are cautious then I guess you need to find out what type of regulations apply, how often there are inspections, the qualifications/licensing of the staff, the ratio's etc. and if there are reports you can access publicly. Also, there is a bit of 'gut' feel (and not just being bribed with muffins) to deciding on the place you like.

We needed care for DD for two days a week. I chose a nursery because it has the safety in numbers aspect and I didn't want DD to be spending a lot of time in a car doing school runs (may be an irritational reason).

I visited three nurseries. One I'd heard great things about but I didn't like it at all. The one we chose, on our visit the children were hugging the manager who was showing me round and crowding round to show her the pictures they'd done. They were all happy.

DD was sometimes a little unsettled as we left in the first few weeks (although that's not the case so much now) but we could always look back through the door and she was always having hugs or being played with and cheered up quickly. She always is engaged in something fun whenever we collect her (which is entirely random times due to the nature of our work). I'm really happy with our choice.

I have always preferred daycare over childminders.

I need to know what days they are open year round. I wanted my DSs to experience a few caregivers rather than just one.

And yes, it did occur to me that for something dodgy to be going on at a CMs there needed to be one person involved, for something dodgy at a nursery there are more people around and the chances of them all being dodgy are pretty small. Obviously it does still happen, but those were the dice I chose to roll.

Both my kids have loved their daycares.

For a baby definitely prefer nursery. once c hild can communicate either

Dd1 started nursery at 10mths and loved it. Dd2 us about to start at the same nursery next week and she is 9mths.

Dd1 has blossomed at nursery, she's confident with other kids, partakes in a very varied and fun range if activities and practically runs in every time she goes in. She's never not wanted to go.

I had a great gut instinct about the nursery when we visited, and the staff are lovely and caring (but take no nonsense!). It's just received top marks in its annual checks, so lovely to read that they are achieving and surpassing set standards.

But I also have friends that swear by a CM. If you find the right one, then I imagine its as good as being happy with a chosen nursery. You have to go with what works and feels the right for for you.

Its what ever you are happy with. I love my childminder. But that was what suited my needs and still does.

Both mine started nursery at 6 months. I wouldn't use a cm as there could have been conflict with sickness/holidays, whereas nursery doesn't have this problem. Mine thrived, was a fab nursery and the kids loved it.

I'd echo the opinion that it doesn't matter whether you choose a nursery or CM as long as you are happy with the environment. I looked around both and opted for our wonderful CM in the end. As a teacher I love the fact that she offers term time only contracts, is REALLY flexible with times (I drop him off at 7.15am and she gives him his breakfast), views him and her other mindees as one of her extended family and encourages all of the kids (including her 3 teenagers) to get along and play together/help out. She also has an assistant who is also a trained CM so if she was ill then the assistant can take over. He adores her and I feel 100% happy leaving him every day which is a luxury. I'm sure there would have been nurseries just as nice. Trouble was most of them didn't take children before 8am so I would have been late for work (which can't happen!).

DD was in nursery from 3 months. We chose it because it was lovely, modern, high tech (screens in reception that showed each room, so could pop over at lunch time and have a look how she was doing). She loved it, made lots of little friends and the range of activities was great. But gradually the staff turnover rose and it seemed to become more about the bottom line than the children, so we took her out. In hindsight, I think we chose it for the wrong reasons. We had a nanny for a while, lovely girl, adored DD. But she kept letting us down with various illnesses and boy-friend related problems. Found another nursery, very homely, nice mix of staff ages, low turnover. DD loved it there too. When she started school, we looked for a CM for holiday cover. The first one didn't work out - seemed very nice at first but then DD was reluctant to go and told us she was being shouted at by the CM. We took her out immediately. Now we've found another CM, this one never shouts! She is super, and DD loves spending time with her.

We've tried a variety, and DD enjoyed all of them (except shouty CM). She loves mixing with other children, she is not at all shy and as she caught every bug going in her early days at nursery, she now never catches anything!

Follow your instinct, keep a close eye on your child's enthusiasm about going to the nursery/CM or lack of, pop in regularly to get a 'feel' for it, keep an eye on staff turnover, and if you start to feel uneasy, look for alternatives.

I felt happier with nursery because the staff are trained, qualified and have to follow strict procedures. I wanted the security of knowing that carers were observed by each other as this reduces the risk of anything underhand happening.

Look for good ratios and low staff turnover. My children's nursery has had the same staff for at least 8 yrs, it is a very happy place and the staff are genuinely supportive of each other and loving with the children.

I'd prefer a nursery. There are a group of childminders at the playgroup I go to and I wouldn't trust my gerbil with them, they only care about sitting gossiping and one of them is particularly horrible and impatient with the small toddler she childminds - if I knew who the toddler's parents were I would tell them. I presume they think their toddler is being loved and looked after. With a nursery there are several members of staff so they are accountable to each other at least and less likely to get away with neglectful or unkind behaviour.

I never normally post on child care topics ( or WOHM v SAHM !) as I think it is a very personal decision about what is right for individual families and even for the same family at different times I used a nursery and was very happy with it and the children are in yr 5 and yr 4 at school and are getting on fine.I did not really consider a CM ,most of the women I worked with (Professional job) used nursery and my 2 closest friends used the same 1 I did.I do agree with the OP that my impression is that most posters on MN seem to think CM best for babies May just be the usual thing of people who are happy with nursery don't bother to post to say so and people who are not happy are more motivated to post

Thanks for all thoughts, really nice and reassuring to see nurseries can work out well for under 2's as well :)

Yanbu. There are plenty of excellent nursery settings.

I have only one piece of advice which is to trust your instinct. We've used about 5 childcare settings, having moved around a fair bit. In only one case was it an established setting with an OFSTED/Care Commission report. That sounds crazy, but we checked out the established ones and hated them. So DS's first nursery was brand new and it was brilliant - he was there a day a week from 6 months. Then the second place. after we moved, was established with good reports and we/he hated it. Third place, again new - brilliant until it expanded and got too big.
For DD we have used childminders since she's of a "sensitive" disposition - only since toddlerhood though, not as a baby. One was a friend and the other newly set up and has just had her inspection, after I chose her. Both lovely.

Trust your instincts! They won't let you down.

I think it all comes down to finding somewhere you feel comfortable with. I wanted nursery but did at least look into local childminders and read their 'blurb' on my local childcare website and I didn't fancy the look of any of them.

There were two nurseries near me and I looked round the first and cried on the way home at the thought of leaving DS1 there. The second though was amazing and they were great with DS1 and they've since had DS2 and now DD1 has just started. The same staff are caring for DD1 as cared for DS1 despite the 5 year age gap.

I chose to send DS to nursery when I went back to work. The nursery DS goes to is great, and DS loves going there. He's usually rushing off to get at the toys before we've even got his coat off. It's a small nursery, so has a very homely feel to it. The staff are a good mix of ages (none of them teenagers either), and there's low staff turnover.

I didn't consider a CM or nanny because I had bad experiences with the nannies I had when I was small, and this made me feel very very uncomfortable with the idea of leaving DS with a CM or nanny. And yes, rationally I know that I'm being unreasonable and there's loads of lovely CMs and nannies.

Whichever you decide, I agree it's very important to visit the nurseries and CM's that you're thinking about to see whether you like the setting and feel comfortable with it. They're all different and it all depends on the individual nursery / CM.