Is it really bad to have a baby in a nursery?

[secretofcrickleyhall]

Hi. I know the general consensus seems to be that babies/younger toddlers are better off in more homely environments (a childminder.) However, I have to admit I'm a bit wary about childminders (I appreciate I am unreasonable with this as it isn't all or even most of them.) When I was young I had to stay with a childminder and the other mindees used to bully me (I was the only girl.) I was also smacked by the childminder for breaking an ornament and for wetting myself once. I didn't tell my parents because I thought I had been naughty and would be in trouble with them, too!

The thing is that I know a couple of childminders and while they aren't anything like that horrible woman, one is rude and one is so ridiculously fussy about her house - the kids aren't allowed outside of the designated room, so I can't see how it's a homely environment - I just feel happier with a nursery. But is that wrong? I've done a search on this topic but would appreciate some more thoughts!

I don't think one is better than another. Nurseries can put on a front for parents too :(

I would always have said childminder although I'm not really happy with mine at the moment. Reason being I think it's better for young babies to have stronger attachments to fewer people rather than weaker attachments to more people, if that makes sense. But it's probably swings and roundabouts, certainly if you're wary of childminders because they might not be totally honest, I don't think that nurseries are free of this so it's a case of going beyond the surface, asking other parents who use the service if you can find any, going by word of mouth recommendations, and seeing what the place "feels" like when you visit.

Outraged the point is, there are more members of staff and more children. When there are five children and four are boys and one member of staff, it isn't fun. At a nursery, children are with those their age, and there are more members of staff.

Please don't be saracstic, I don't mind people pointing out things I haven't thought of, that's why I posted, but I haven't been acerbic or rude!

We look at nurseries, nannies and cm. Decided on nursery in the end then decided which nursery after reading their OFTSED reports and visiting each.

PFB started at 11.5 months, she is now 17 months, goes 4 days a week and loves it.

She is quite sociable and friendly/outgoing anyway so I don't know if that helps. She has really progressed though because she moved from Baby to Toddler Room quite quick so is learning off the older children.

Nursery can be a bit difficult if it doesn't fit in with your working hours but we felt DD would have got bored at cm as most of the children would have been at school and she would have spent twice a day doing the school room. I didn't really see how she would gain as much being in someone elses home as being in her own, then compared with nursery and the space/resources/amount of staff etc they have.

Each to their own really and depending on your child. I do wonder if a really shy child would be better at a cm's so they weren't overwhelmed, or would a nursery make they less shy (for example)?

My DS has been at nursery since 11 months and absolutely loves it. We knew as soon as we looked around that it was the right place for him. The staff are a variety of ages, male and female, different races and cultures. Parents are able to drop in any time, and when you do the staff are always engaged in activities with the kids. They also do lots of stuff tailored to the child, eg we have another baby due on Friday and nursery have been encouraging DS to play with, bath and dress a baby doll, take it for walks etc and talking about new babies.

I guess the main thing is to be very thorough whrn you're looking, whichever setting you choose. Make a list of questions and give them a good grilling. A reputable childcare provider won't mind you doing this. If you have any misgivings go with your instinct.

My DC loved his nursery. I was happy with it and am still in touch with his key worker. The place was/is lovely,
I think you can only really leave your DC where you feel is right going by the feel of the place. Had I felt that the CM's I viewed were right at the time, then I'd have gone for that.
Deep down, I was always more reassured by the 'safety in numbers' aspect of nursery.

I think it is important to do what you feel comfortable with. If you are worried leaving your child with a childminder theymay pick up onon that and feel more distressed. A good nursery will also be flexible to the child and have a good staff ratio so they can care properly for the children. My sister works in a nursery with toddlers andnshe really loves the kids in her care.

If you find it difficult to trust, I know some nurseries also have webcams you can view online to see how your dc is getting on.

I used a cm. I personally liked the flexibility and homely atmosphere. The cm's piano and fab garden. But there were draw backs - being let down when she was sick for one.

If you have time before you go back to work, have a good look around at nurseries and cms and go with your gut.

I think a tiny bit of sarcasm is allowed, surely?!

I think your views of the pros and cons are a little misguided. The 'child is helpless' thing is silly, they are just as helpless in a nursery as with a childminder.

'When there are five children and four are boys and one member of staff, it isn't fun'

It wasn't fun for you. In your specific circumstances. I'm sure there are many children who are looked after in groups where they are the gender minority who have a lovely time. You could just as easily say 'boys are rough', 'girls are nasty' etc. It's silly.

Secret, the best way to tell if the nursery/childminder is good is to look beyond the smiles and words of the person showing you around. Look at the children and try to talk to them and see how they react.

At Dd's nursery, children used to come upto adults happily and engage in conversation without being shy. They were all always happily involved in some activity and never looked bored or unhappy.

Similarly, I had a friend who was a childminder and the children she looked after were very talkative and happy because she engaged with them and gave them the righy attention during the day.

Don't be fooled by fees and stuff. Just because a nursery is expensive it doesn't mean it's better. You need to spend an hour at least on the premises and get a feel for the place. I spent 1.5 hours with dd (when she was 5 months) in her nursery and loved its atmosphere straightaway. As it happens it was the cheapest nursery in an affluent area.

I haven't used either...

But I would choose a good childminder over a nursery, and a nursery over a mediocre-poor childminder.

Really, reslly good childminders are like gold-dust by all accounts, so unless you can find one you're delighted with and trust implicitly, go with a nursery that you're happy with.

Thanks Fakebook :) No, I didn't mean it was better because it was more expensive - I was more talking to myself about the 'ouch' aspect of the monthly fees Thanks a lot for the advice!

Outraged it might be allowed, have to admit I'm not keen though, fair enough if I was being an arse but I don't think that I have been! What I am saying though is that our own experiences shape what we do in the future. I know, of course, that not all childminders are like the one I had as a child. However, some of the threads on here from childminders haven't been hugely reassuring - there was one where the childminder was disgusted and appalled with a child for farting for instance, I'd have been upset if that was my child.

You said in your first post that the general consensus is that babies are better off in homely environments, namely a CM. I don't think that there is a consensus like that at all.

I never looked at CM for my DD as I prefer many of aspects of nursery care and nursery care is the norm for my family and social circle. I like my DD being in an environment designed for her needs and having access to a safe outdoor play area. I don't really see the attraction of a home-like environment. I like there being many staff, so that she can form relationships with multiple adults, so that there is always at least two adults present, so I don't have to worry about staff sickness and holidays. I think it is great that there are many children of DD's age at the nursery, so she can have a variety of playmates. I like the structure of the nursery day. It is great that there are separate staff doing the cooking so that the staff in her room can be focussed on the children.

HollyBerry I find your comment about dogs being treated in kennels quite shocking and upsetting.
I really hope whatever you saw you reported it.
I have been looking at somewhere suitable for our dog when we go away - decided agaisnt kennels and gone for home help.

breathe - I meant from doing a search on here, that seems to be the most commonly expressed viewpoint :)

Im a SAHM but if i was to work i would put a baby in a nursery rather than have a nanny/childminder

I think you have to choose the best childcare provider for you and your family, whatever the prevailing opinion is.

My eldest two have been at a lovely nursery since they were 8 months old and DS will be starting there later this year. We only looked at nurseries, we needed the reliability (no problems with holidays and sickness, we have no family close by to cover childcare emergencies) and like you I felt there was 'safety in numbers' so if there was one dodgy member of staff it could be picked up by another member of staff more quickly than you might realise with a CM.

The nursery we chose has a good mix of ages in the staff and invests lot in them and their career development and so they have good staff loyalty, we've had children there for nearly five years and very few staff have left (mainly retired TBH). So the kids have had consistency of caregiving, more than my nephews who have gone to several CMs over the same time period, SIL has had to find a new CM after each pregnancy (hers and the CMs).

Plenty of people prefer nurseries to childminders. There are good nurseries, good childminders, bad nurseries and bad childminders. Ofsted has managed to improve the standards of childminders compared with the 1980s.

I prefered a nursery to a childminder because I like the fact that there was more than one adult in the room. Sometimes babies scream for long periods when settling in. I liked the fact that a nursery nurse can walk out of the room and count to ten if everything is getting too much. I think that having more than one adult in the room reduces the chances of child abuse.

I used two childminders briefly. One was outstanding and the other one was crap. The outstanding childminder used to make lovely meals from scratch and do amazing craft activites with my son. However he prefered nursery as he liked being with boys of his own age. The childminder had two two years olds and ds was four.

I know a couple of wonderful CM's.

I would still opt for a nursery (our local one is fantastic) because if my baby wasn't with me, I'd like them to be with 'a village' (albiet a paid one).

It does always depend on the nursery and the childminder, you cannot really judge them in general terms in my opinion, you have to go with what's available and what you're happier with.

Depends on the nursery, depends on the child, but generally, no - of course it's not "bad" for babies to go to nursery

No family here either louise, so the reliability aspect is very important.

Out of interest, do childminders charge if they can't have your DCs because they are ill?

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer to this it is a real horses for courses thing. I knew DD was going to be full in childcare from the age of 12 weeks so I was very picky when I looked round CMs and nurseries. In the end I choose a Nursery it was the right choice for me and my DD. DD is now 9 we still see some of her nursery nurses and they remember her, she is still friends with two other little girls who joined full time at a very similar age despite having been at separate schools since reception.

As louisiana's nursery it very low staff turnover and the longest serving member of staff had been then since the nursery had started 25 years previously. They also did not use 'agency' staff they had a small bank of CRB checked individuals who would help them out at short notice if necessary.
I do now use a chilminder for some of the holiday care again I reassessed everything and at this time with this CM it was the right choice for us.

My grandchildren have had the same wonderful cm since the eldest was 6 months old. He is now 6.6. She covers the days I can't manage. She will also do after school pick ups. All the children love her and call her by a sweet nn. Her own two dc have always been lovely too-her ds is a year older than my dgs1 and they are close friends.
This cm is a farmer's wife and trained as a nanny. She has excellent Ofsted reports and a waiting list :-) There can't be many nurseries where children can watch lambs being born and help with bottle feeding them. I have been made very welcome if I have had to pick the dc up from her. It is so much better than the sterile impersonal experience of a nursery.

It depends very much on who is looking after the babies in the baby room. My DCs went to nursery from 3 to 4 months old. They were part time, and were looked after by a middle aged lady with masses and masses of experience with, and affection for babies. They both loved it from day 1. I'm sure they were looked after better at nursery than at home. But I would think twice if your DC is going to be looked after by teenagers, or if there is a rapid turnover of staff, so no consistent carer.

Thegreylady - you clearly haven't experienced having children in a good nursery as it certainly isn't a sterile impersonal experience.

DS has been in nursery since 5 months

I prefered it to a CM as it is an excellent nursery with so many facilities that a CM couldn't offer.

However, I did look round some shockers as well where I wouldn't have left a puppy never mind a baby

It all depends on the nursery or CM.

thegreylady I can't imagine many childminders offer lambs being born and help with bottle feeding them either. I'm a vegetarian and personally wouldn't be thrilled at my DC going to a farm which after all breeds animals for meat. Generalisation about the 'sterile impersonal' environment of a nursery, much?