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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider sleeping with this man, just once?

60 replies

squishee · 13/03/2013 20:11

Evening all.

I appear to be in the "shagging one's way over a bad break-up" phase. I'm seeking an upgrade from a first fuckbuddy.

I have been propositioned on that basis by a man who has extreme hotness and red flags in equal measures. Both reminiscent of my ex (a seductive, charming, scheming, bullshitting manipulator).

This man -claims to be- is in an open relationship.

I'm worried that I might get ensnared / attached (which I do way too easily) and end up getting hurt. But the temptation is great indeed.

So. Do I steer clear, or go there and get the what if out of my system?

Is it better to regret something I do, or something I don't do?

OP posts:
kalidanger · 13/03/2013 20:13

Open relationship?? HAHAHAHAHA

LoversThatWentWrong · 13/03/2013 20:13

Fuck buddy only works if it's both what you want. If one will fall for the other then it's probably not going to end well.

raspberryroop · 13/03/2013 20:13

Better to look at your reasons for wanting to sleep with twats to be honest

KatyPeril · 13/03/2013 20:15

I'm all up for fuck buddies as long as everyone knows where they stand. That open relationship bit though, I'm not so sure.

Original poster
squishee · 13/03/2013 20:15

Argh, the strikethru gets on my tits me every time!

OP posts:
MagicHouse · 13/03/2013 20:15

Run for the hills!

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 13/03/2013 20:16

Pleasure yourself

DorisIsWaiting · 13/03/2013 20:18

Run for the hills as fast as you can, If you want sex you can do better than this.

Honestly!

sjupes · 13/03/2013 20:20

open relationship my arse. i agree with jamie Blush

scaevola · 13/03/2013 20:21

a) check, somehow, that his DP/DW knows she is in an open relationship

b) but even if he's the rare creature who has actually been truthful about that, think twice. You don't sound up for being in a non-exclusive relationship where you are second best to the primary partner and where you see resonances of your ex.

You might like to have a peek at the Baggabe Reclaim website and have a think about why to want to replicate your ex with another Mr Unavailable.

If you just want some nice sex, it might be better to look for someone single who does not remind you of your ex.

djelibeybi · 13/03/2013 20:23

Add my "run for the hills" vote to the others. It will almost certainly end in tears.

BumpingFuglies · 13/03/2013 20:23

ABSOLUTELY NOT. NO WAY.

Sorry for shouting. Been there, done that got the clap not really but respect yourself squishee

FeistyLass · 13/03/2013 20:23

He reminds you of your ex, for that reason alone, I'd steer clear.

AllYoursBabooshka · 13/03/2013 20:25

Sounds more dodgy than a year old egg mayo sandwich.

Don't do it.

chicaguapa · 13/03/2013 20:27

I would check he really is in an open relationship first, but then I'd probably go for it tbh.

MountainOrMolehill · 13/03/2013 20:28

You can't be that gullible.

Surely?

And agree with Raspberry.

glitch · 13/03/2013 20:30

No, don't go there. The fact he is not available will only attract you to him more. You will end up too attached and wanting more and will only get hurt.

aldiwhore · 13/03/2013 20:31

You know YABU, you know you shouldn't, everyone here will tell you not to, you'll tell yourself not to, and you'll probably ignore everyone including yourself.

I wouldn't think about it. I would avoid being in a situation where it could happen.

I also agree with Raspberry.

SugarMouse1 · 13/03/2013 20:33

At the end of the day, we've all got hormones and needs. Don't beat yourself up about having some casual sex, although bear in mind, our society does judge women who do this.

If you go for it though, try and find a way of protecting yourself from getting hurt.

AdoraBell · 13/03/2013 20:34

I'm sure you can find plenty of willing blokes without the reminiscent of my ex qualification. Leave this one for someone else's enjoyment and have a look for someone completely different to play withWink.

Original poster
squishee · 13/03/2013 20:35

Well there's a consensus emerging very quickly indeed! Thank you.

There's no way I can check out the open relationship bollocks story.

I know my reasons for choosing and staying with my ex. Self-esteem is something I'm working on.

OP posts:
catlady1 · 13/03/2013 20:35

He's not in an open relationship. He's just a bell end. He's leading you on.

Casual sex is absolutely fine as long as nobody is being hurt or deceived - and by the sounds of this, he's cheating on his partner and you (and she) are going to end up being hurt.

DontstepontheMomeRaths · 13/03/2013 20:35

I can't help thinking that it's not 'open' at all and the poor girlfriend has no idea he's cheating on her. I wouldn't go there.

I find if I sleep with people who are not serious about me, I end up feeling used and feel worse about myself and my situation than I did before and more dissatisfied with my life. But maybe that's just me?

I would go on Plenty of Fish or perhaps a paying internet dating site and find yourself a nice date or two, to feel better about yourself and your situation. But don't leap into a full on relationship, if you're recovering from a break up yet though. Have some fun but with someone with better prospects than Mr open relationship

I think Raspberry has a point here though.

AllYoursBabooshka · 13/03/2013 20:51

Well this is a brilliant break through for your self esteem!

You are worth a hell of a lot more than all of this nonsense. :)

AllYoursBabooshka · 13/03/2013 20:52

Nonsense from him, not you.

Blerg, that sounded so much better in my head.