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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder how people cope with more than two kids?

92 replies

discotequewreck · 13/03/2013 16:22

This isn't criticism but upmost respect.

I would like a third but I just don't know how it's possible.

It is all the school admin, homework, social activities you have to organise these days. I literally can't see how you fit another child in!

OP posts:

ChristmasJubilee · 13/03/2013 18:24

I have three, two teenagers and a 6 year old. I manage fine as long as the teenagers don't have too much on. On weeks that they have concerts, music festivals etc, it all falls apart. I don't do pick-ups after 10pm. They have to get a taxi.

ThreeBeeOneGee · 13/03/2013 18:27

OP, you do have a point. One of the things I find most challenging about having four is the homework / music practice / packing for school trips / writing cheques for various activities / fracking dressing up days.

That aspect of it does seem to improve once they are at secondary school though. Independence with homework, parentpay etc.

ChestyLeRoux · 13/03/2013 18:28

I have 2, and would ideally like 2 more. I definitely want to continue working as well. I think you just get on with it really.

ThreeBeeOneGee · 13/03/2013 18:40

To illustrate, within the space of a fortnight we have: one piano exam, one TaeKwonDo grading, one cub camp, one three day Scout expedition, one massive school art project, one dressing up day for three children, one egg decorating competition for three children, one residential school trip for two children and one youth club sleepover for three children (and a partridge in a pear tree?).

And that's just at home. I also work...

sjupes · 13/03/2013 18:45

threebee i'd collapse! i'm such a lazy git tho i think that is my major problem with my having more than 2

idshagphilspencer · 13/03/2013 18:57

sounds like my house threebee:)

HorryIsUpduffed · 13/03/2013 19:01

Since you don't pay university fees up front any more, I am not expecting to be responsible for those. Assistance with living costs is another thing.

OnlyWantsOne · 13/03/2013 19:12

I have 3, and I will openly say that I do not cope at all well really.

I'm self employed, the children are 6, 2 & 6 months. I find simple things like the school run an absolute horror. I'm sure it will get easier.

anoldbloke · 13/03/2013 19:24

It does get easier, OnlyWO. Once out of nappies and once they can get in the car and fasten their own seatbelts.

rocknrollchicken · 13/03/2013 19:49

oh god, I have only one 2 year old and sometimes I am praying for Monday so i can go back to work, then realise its still only lunchtime on Saturday. Everything I suggest is NO, and each delicately prepared morsel is YUK and she is a screaming blur raging on the floor and I am a mere husk of the woman i was.......
So I have no idea how anyone copes with any more. Respect.

MadeinMarch · 13/03/2013 19:58

YANBU. I have two, definitely not planning another. Great for those who can cope and even enjoy more, but it's not for me.

Before I had kids I wanted four HA HA HA

Thelioninwinter · 13/03/2013 20:16

I have three, aged 8, 5 & 3. It's ok. We do homework on time, projects, dressing up costumes, playdates, activities, reasonably varied meals, birthday parties etc etc. They get along reasonably well together and with some boring consistancy, noone runs away when we cross roads anymore.

I drink more than I should, I am cronically tired and it is a constant 'mummy, mummy, mummy' from morning til night but the oldest is getting better at helping and not demanding so much. Plus the youngest is toilet training so it's a little intense at the moment.

No regrets, they're fab together, good company individually and it is impressive to see them flank each other when any stranger threatens any one of them.

I do remember holding DC3 when DH went back to work after paternity leave and feeling utterly terrified though. You get used to it though!

yummymummy345 · 13/03/2013 20:21

Taken the words right out of my mouth!

Your a fragment of yourself once you have had a child.

Going food shopping for a break! its almost a treat!!!!!!

Hassled · 13/03/2013 20:24

Yes, you do it because you have to. The hardest part is quality time alone with any one child - I've always seen that as a high priority, and there were times it was bloody hard to achieve. But otherwise it's like everything - you get into a routine.

missorinoco · 13/03/2013 20:27

None to one was the worst. Two to three next hardest. I once read here a thread where someone asked when two children seemed easy. One answer was when you have three! I think there is a point; you always look back and think it was easier before, compared to the new level of fresh hell you have introduced into your life.

OP you have cheered me up though. When people have told me they don't know how I cope with three, I was taking it to mean they thought I was coping terribly! They might still be, but I can pretend not now.

bigbuttons · 13/03/2013 20:29

I have 6. The eldest was 8 when the youngest was born. They're now,14, 13, 11,9,7 and nearly 6.
I have to be very organised. I am constantly tired and I too drink too much.
It is no easier now than it was when they were all small. Infact I think it's harder because their needs are so much more complicated, what with friendship issues, homework, reading etc. And also I try to take each one out with me on their own regularly so they get undivided attention.
For me the biggest jump in terms of difficulty was from 3-4. With 3 I was still going out, had the energy. When number 4 came along that did it really!

Scholes34 · 13/03/2013 20:29

Hardest step was from one to 2. Two to three much easier as we weren't still trying to live the pre-children life. It was physically demanding when they were young, but I totally have to have my wits about me with three teenagers.

As someone mentioned up-thread, you can't be in three places at one time, so there are lots of favours that need to be called in from other parents, but we reciprocate. It's now the case that you do the drop off and/or pick up purely because you can, and not just because it's your turn.

Also mentioned up-thread - there's no need to pay university fees up front - that comes by the way of a non-means-tested loan. Maintenance loans are available too, and with the basic, non-means-tested one of just under £4,000, you're looking at £3,500 to £4,000 as a rough guide to cover one student's maintenance costs in an academic year, or £350 a month.

Soditall · 13/03/2013 20:35

I have 5 and don't find it difficult,I would if all 5 had come at once

I love children but I was always terrified that I might have twins.I doff my hat to all mothers of multiples I think you are Superhero's.

Two of our children are disabled as well which does bring up extra challenges of it's own but I wouldn't change any of them for the world.

Being organized is what helps us and being laid back about the unimportant stuff.

HomeEcoGnomist · 13/03/2013 20:37

I can frequently be heard telling advising people not to be outnumbered by their children I am only half joking.
I have 2 boys of 3 & 6, and was just tonight thinking that things were getting easier - I just could not disturb that balance now.
DH and I both work full time and logistics are already difficult enough.

ThoughtsPlease · 13/03/2013 20:50

I have 3 DC, 6, 5 and 10 months, and I became a lone parent when pregnant with DC3, so dealt with a newborn and a 4 and 5 year old on my own.

You just get on with it, they are looked after well, homework is done, and the eldest 2 do 3 activities a week after school and on Saturday. They are the same sex and for now being close in age means they want to try the same activities which makes it easier!

rainbow2000 · 13/03/2013 21:02

I have 5 boys ages 17,16,5,3, and nearly 2.I found having the 3rd baby hard as it was a big gap and i was out of synch.But since the others have come along they just slotted in.

My 1 thing was always go out even just to the shops.I was an only child so i know it from all angles.

pamelat · 13/03/2013 21:15

I have two aged 5 and 2.
It's very hard but mainly because of logistics and their squabbling.
I think working part time helps!
I have lots of friends with 3 or 4 kids and they find it "easy"?!! Apparently
I'm told one less than you have is "easy"
We had ruled out a third but I'm starting to think about it
I don't mind Another baby, it's the two year old bit!!
Nothing can be harder than none to one ;)

WifeofPie · 13/03/2013 21:20

I came on here to say but I see many have beaten me to it. Running and Citalopram are also terribly helpful .

Annunziata · 13/03/2013 21:20

Well, you just don't have a choice!

I have 6, there is nearly 9 years between the oldest and youngest.

I had a lot of help when they were younger. I come from a big family too, so I was always used to doing things for lots of people.

pamelat · 13/03/2013 21:21

Ps with one child I found that I could "off load" to DH at weekends. With two children that's not realistic. There's no break.
Three could do me in ;)

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