To think if she cant speak english then he shouldnt be going

[Domjolly]

My dc(13) wants to go to a party nothing worng with that the issue is the mother cant speak a jot of english and i am not happy to rely on a 20 year old cousin to give me the details and also i just wonder how she will be able to effectivly supervise teens if she cant speak any english and my other worry if there is a emergency she cant even soeak enough to contact me

And i being a little or am i right to be worried

Is he 13 years or 13 months old?

Unwrap the cotton wool..

i'm sure she can glare and get her meaning across in other ways.

YABU

very

Oh and before anyone jumps on me i am from a ethnic minority muself so this dose not any any sinster undertones

The boy who has invited my son is nice its literally the fact i am not sure i am comftable leaving him with somone who effectily cant communicate ds of theres a problem or with with me

Relax - Just because she doesn't speak English does not mean she's an idiot. It will be fine!

Mu ds have global development delay btw and this party will be at night

theres an adult whos twenty who can. So its not an issue.

So how does her son communicate with her? Presumably he can translate if a terrible problem occurs or perhaps your 13 year has enough skills to get in touch with you directly...

• all i ever said to mine was 'give me the phone number so i can check where you are and speak to the parents' I think not speaking english is a fab excuse - but lets assume i'm a cynic ( no that needs no assumption) that you know the mother cannot speak english for a fact, i might put in place a structure to enable attendance, such as taking him, picking him up at agreed time, no alcohol at all.

non english speaking mother can still shout in a way that conveys 'shut the fuck up' or ' this is serious' and someone else can phone emergency services.

so there is ways round it

Way to drip feed OP. The fact that your DS has GDD is a key element in your concern. Buddy him up with one or more of his friends so they can keep an eye on him.
Mother's lack of English doesn't mean she's thick, someone else can translate whilst she deals with any practical issues.

When I was that age, my best friends grandmother lived with them. There were loads of times it was just the 3 of us in the house, it didnt bother my Mum and she was a worried.

Sorry meant obviously to include the pertinent fact that the grandmother didn't speak English

It's a party, what can possibly go wrong?.
He is 13, he is old enough to go to a party with supervision.
supervision is supervision regardless of language barrier.

You know, many parents of children with SN would be leaping up and down at their child having been included in a party. It's rather sad that you aren't.

Will there be older teens at this party? Because if so, I can imagine plenty of things that can possibly wrong. Many of them involving smuggled-in vodka. But tbh not one of them connected with the mother having to communicate through another adult.

Basically, what you need to know is, will this be a children's party with full-on adult supervision? Or will it be a teen party with adults on the premises somewhere?

He's 13 with GDD, so he might be functioning at a much lower cognitive level, pumpkin.

in the light of the drip feeding new information, OP you need to ask yourself if you'd be happy for him to go without the added non issue of the language barrier

there will be other people there who can speak the same language as your DS, surely?

but why don't you feel able to trust the 20 yr old?

How would it be if you went over and visited the mother, with the 20 year old cousin present, and explained the implications of your dc's GDD and what will be needed?

That way you can check out the level of maturity of the 20 year old (some of that age are parents of children with GDD) and make sure your DCs needs can be met.

Does your dc use a mobile? With your number on a hot key?

"i just wonder how she will be able to effectivly supervise teens if she cant speak any english"
Generally I find my Deathstare suffices.

BUT

"Mu ds have global development delay btw and this party will be at night"
So really, we're not talking about 'supervision' here, are we? You really don't feel comfortable that the person you would usually depend upon to notice if there were any problems (e.g. your DS distressed with something) is not in a position to gently ask your DS if everything is OK or to make the appropriate soothing noises if need be? And no, I probably wouldn't expect a 20-year old to be tuned in to that kind of vibe in the same way that a mother of a similarly-aged child to mine would be.

YANBU, but I have no idea what I would do in this situation.

Blu i have met the mother before at parents evening but she couldnt do much more than smile and nod

I dont think she she a fool btw but there are a few things i would like to clear up about what the party will invlove ect how many kids , how old ect

Also because i dont really know her as i cant speak to her i cant really know if i like the cut of her jibb so to speak

You know somone invites your chikd to a thing you speak to the parents get a feel and then decied they are ok or not but i cant really read her as i cant speak to her

YABVU

There is an adult there who can speak English.

You are being ridiculously daft about this. Even with your updates since, in fact it's getting more ridiculous.

He has my number but i dont really want to leave weather things are going well to a 13 year old

And personally when it comes to teen parties i am not one for cousins older siblings supervising paties i thing this really falls squarely with parents to keep tabs

lubeybooby no need to be rude peronally i dont tend to leave my chikd with random cousin whom i have never meet i really think when it comes to teen parties the parents should be supervising

You sound very uncomfortable about this, you don't think that it will end well, so perhaps you need to make a decision and tell your DS that he's not going.
Just be sure that you are making the best choice you can for him.