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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if she cant speak english then he shouldnt be going

66 replies

Domjolly · 13/03/2013 13:42

My dc(13) wants to go to a party nothing worng with that the issue is the mother cant speak a jot of english and i am not happy to rely on a 20 year old cousin to give me the details and also i just wonder how she will be able to effectivly supervise teens if she cant speak any english and my other worry if there is a emergency she cant even soeak enough to contact me

And i being a little Hmm or am i right to be worried

OP posts:
Original poster
Domjolly · 13/03/2013 14:28

Thanks i think even if she spoke a little english i would feel a bit more easy

OP posts:
ElkiesBrook · 13/03/2013 14:33

if the language is not really an issue, and you're still nervous, then maybe he shouldn't go?

ilovesooty · 13/03/2013 14:34

Someone upthread mentioned alcohol. Is it a muslim family, because if so I think it's much less likely that it will be a concern.

Personally if you're that bothered about the whole thing perhaps your son shouldn't go. I think it's tremendously sad for him to be excluded from his peers though when you could surely take steps to ensure his safety: there is at least one other family member who speaks English and there may well be others, and you've said the boy is nice enough.

Are you going to give the real reason for declining the invitation?

akaemmafrost · 13/03/2013 14:37

Yes I see where you're coming from. I have a child with ASD and while he often appears NT he is functioning at a few years younger than his actual age.

I would want to be able to explain this to her and give her a couple of things to look out for. So although I'd be happy he'd been invited, it wouldn't be a good idea for him to go unfortunately Sad.

akaemmafrost · 13/03/2013 14:39

The real reason seems to be her ds has GDD ilovesooty.

Original poster
Domjolly · 13/03/2013 14:41

ilovesooty what do you mean the real reason ?

I already explained i am for a minorty myself so there is no agenda if thats what your getting at if your not then sorry for the accusation

OP posts:
HorribleMother · 13/03/2013 14:45

1st class drip feeding, OP.

PureQuintessence · 13/03/2013 14:45

Being a minority does not mean there is no agenda!
It is like saying Group A cant be racist, they are a minority. Well, they bloody well can! Anybody can have prejudices against others. It is not reserved for the ethnic majority. And the fact that you even think this, is proof.

ilovesooty · 13/03/2013 14:46

Sorry: I meant are you going to tell the family that you're reluctant to accept the invitation because the mother can't speak English and you don't feel that your son will be safe?

The real reason seems to be her ds has GDD ilovesooty

I'm surprised it wasn't mentioned in her OP, then.

WhereYouLeftIt · 13/03/2013 14:48

Dom, I think what Ilovesooty meant was, are you going to tell them (via the 20 year old cousin) that you're declining the invite because the mother speaks no English, or are you going to e.g. tell them DS has a previous commitment that night?

akaemmafrost · 13/03/2013 14:48

Maybe she just felt like having an ruck Wink.

Viviennemary · 13/03/2013 14:48

Only you can make this decision as you don't seem to be agreeing with what people are saying. For myself I think 13 is old enough to go to a party in these circumstances.

ilovesooty · 13/03/2013 14:49

Thanks, WhereYouLeftIt - that is exactly what I meant. Smile

Original poster
Domjolly · 13/03/2013 14:50

Do you know what i will not tolrate being accused of raiscim if thats what yur getting act i have endured being spat at in the street called the P and the N word and haing BNP leaflefts through my door come election time

Things many on here will never endure during there life time god how sad when you can talk about your genuine concers with out be accused or rasism

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 13/03/2013 14:53

So does the party boy speak english and his mothers language? If so, whats the problem?

ilovesooty · 13/03/2013 14:53

Where did I accuse you of racism? I just wondered whether you were going to be honest about your reasons for declining, because if you aren't, you're also expecting your son to lie to his friend.

Very interesting that you've become so defensive.

Original poster
Domjolly · 13/03/2013 14:55

WhereYouLeftIt no i gonna get son to tell the truth to this lad i have only met the mother once at parents evening and i dont know were they live my lad has been over there a couple of time to knock for him i dont know the cousin never meet him

Ilovesotty:)

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 13/03/2013 14:55

haing BNP leaflefts through my door come election time

So? They come through our doors too.

akaemmafrost · 13/03/2013 14:55

I don't think she's referring to you ilovesooty

Original poster
Domjolly · 13/03/2013 14:56

ilovesooty not you

Being a minority does not mean there is no agenda!
It is like saying Group A cant be racist, they are a minority. Well, they bloody well can! Anybody can have prejudices against others. It is not reserved for the ethnic majority. And the fact that you even think this, is proof.

This is from another poster i ment them

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 13/03/2013 14:56

i gonna get son to tell the truth to this lad

I'm feeling sorry for both boys here.

ElkiesBrook · 13/03/2013 14:57

geeeeze, OP

don't sweat it, if you're not racist then ignore that side of the discussion

talk us through what your concerns about your lad going to this party, and i'm sure there are some of us who can agree/help you?

you say DS has GDD, how does this affect him? is this invitation from a school-friend? that person must know a bit about him then.

like others have said, for a DC with SEN to get a party invite is like gold!

Original poster
Domjolly · 13/03/2013 14:57

I lovesotty i dont mean you Its thsi poster PureQuintessence

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 13/03/2013 14:57

OK: explanation noted: thank you.

Original poster
Domjolly · 13/03/2013 14:58

I dont know the mother i met her once in passing at a school parents evening

When there teens you really dont meet the parents so how am i supposed to tell her he has the boys number be she cant speak english thats the whole issue

OP posts:
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