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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be increasingly horrified and alarmed at how much time little ones are spending plugged in?

95 replies

Somethingwicked · 12/03/2013 20:10

My intelligent and good old friends joined us for sunday lunch in a quiet pub the other day and 'appeased' their toddler throughout with very loud youtube clips of bob the builder on youtube. I was dumbstruck.
Whenever there is any waiting or hanging around to be done, the toddlers all around are glued to an iphone or ipad.

Are people sleepwalking into all this, or deliberately doing it just to make life easier? Or am I just a total luddite and idiot not to be training mine up in ipaddery for the digital future?

OP posts:

IHeartKingThistle · 12/03/2013 22:08

what fan said. And what ellie said.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 12/03/2013 22:08

I wouldn't take a two year old to a pub!

BlingLoving · 12/03/2013 22:10

AwkwardAnnie, that situation you describe is not intrinsically the fault of the technology. It's the fault of the family. In the same way, when I was young, we were not allowed to watch tv during meal times or at other family times.

Similarly, with new technology, the adults have a responsibility to use it sensibly.

Do you remember when mobile phones fist were introduced? So many people were not happy. And there were lots of vehement complaints about people talking on their phones instead of talking to each other etc etc. but what happened? Over time, people learnt to use them sensibly. I can't remember the last time I was in a restaurant being disturbed by someone talking loudly on their phone. Or the last time someone claimed mobile phones were the work of the devil.

It's important to differentiate the workman and his tools. Technology is a tool. It still comes Down to how it's used.

WishIdbeenatigermum · 12/03/2013 22:10

Kirawara it might not be worse- who knows.
I certainly feel groggy and get eye strain. I don't extrapolate from that that it affects the children the same, but similarly I don't need as much sleep. I met my first interactive screen when I was 'grown' neurologically.

Kiriwawa · 12/03/2013 22:17

I'd struggle in my job if I suffered from grogginess and eye strain - my job (like many millions of people) requires me to use a computer pretty much all day).

I think this is a moral panic about not much really - like anything, it's all fine within moderation. I think that 2 hours a day is fine for a child who's awake for 13 hours. Oh - that's apart from the ipad that he has at school.

What do people feel about that incidentally?

maddening · 12/03/2013 22:32

They are fab though these smart phones with great things for dc too - I have apps that make it a keyboard and he can play music or a colouring in app and he can draw on it. It has flash card apps so we can do words. He loves to look at pictures of aninals and name the animals. He loves to look through photos of things we have done. I can get nursery rhymes etc

Not all the time but it is great when out and about as it provides different things to do (as well as streaming tv) and I have unlimited data so no worries about the bill plus lots of places have free wifi now.

Ds also draws and reads with paper and pens and paper and books. I carry crayons in my bag and his toy animals and cars and little people as that is his favourite but my bag is only so big so my phone is an extra toy if needed.

OkayHazel · 12/03/2013 23:15

Who knows?

The brain scientists monitoring cognitive activity during it. Games engage the mind, improve reaction times and judgement. TV is worse.

Cezella · 12/03/2013 23:44

I agree OP. I work in a restaurant and last weekend I'd say 80% of the tables with children entertained them with iPads or DVD players. It was actually quite sad to see none of these children being stimulated or spoken to. And it's almost like some of these children are unable to sit and eat a meal unless bribed with a screen- again very sad.

I'm not talking about children with ASD as previous poster mentioned, I accept that there are certainly exceptions. In general however it's a shame to see a family go out for a meal with all three kids on iPads and both parents texting away on their phones!

On the other hand, obviously if a child is acting up, tired, unwell etc I'm not saying a screen can't come in perfectly handy- it's just this culture which has developed where the children constantly need to be doing something/entertained and except the instant gratification a screen gives them.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 12/03/2013 23:53

We went out for Mother's Day lunch on Sunday. Restaurant was very busy and we had a nearly 2 hour wait for our food. The four children between 4 and 10 started fidgeting and so us adults handed over our phones until he food came. Quiet children, adults had a good chat, pleasant lunch had by all. Win win.

WishIdbeenatigermum · 13/03/2013 08:05

Peer review hazel? I don't believe you. And there's certainly no research on the long term effects. No one knows whether young adults who spent a lot of time on screens behave differently or develop Alzheimer's in their 30s or are all mathematical geniuses.
As ever on these screentime in pre schoolers threads there's a lot of denial and whistling in the dark.

cory · 13/03/2013 08:43

I was another one who always hid inside books

In fact, my younger brother still does this when he visits family which I think is incredibly rude in a man approaching 50. And far more isolating than the iPad brought by my other brother: we can all play Scrabble on that, but a man lost in a book is lost.

How many would fly into a moral panic over an adult who can't cope without his books? But where is the difference really?

No axe to grind here: I don't even use my mobile and we didn't even have a telly until our youngest was at school. But I don't see how that makes us superior. Books are just as addictive and far more anti-social.

fryingpantoface · 13/03/2013 10:19

Wasn't it only a couple of weeks ago we had a thread about TV and babies? It was another "Won't anyone think of the children?!" thread.

Different people parent in different ways. I'm absolutely fine with DS (18 months) to watch TV, watching clips of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse when he's bored and figety in a pub. Not on loud, admittedly, but when we're waiting for food to get here and he is antsy, it's not a bad thing.

When I was younger I hid in books. I hid in books. Would read all the time. I can't see why this is such a big deal

Lottapianos · 13/03/2013 10:28

I agree with you OP. I work with young children (0-4 years old) and have seen a huge increase in the amount of screen time in the last couple of years. One mum told me the other day that when her 3 year old comes in from nursery, he says 'phone please mummy' and she hands over her iPhone. No hello, no hug, no kiss, no 'what did you do at nursery today?'

I know that screens are a part of life and I'm not saying that children should never ever be allowed to look at iPads or tablets or YouTube or whatever, but I have never heard a parent (who I work with) talk about watching any of this with their children. For a lot of parents, it's a quick and easy way to shut them up when they are becoming too loud/bored/inconvenient. Agree with Cezella that loads of children in waiting rooms, restaurants etc are not being expected to wait any more - they just get handed a screen and left to entertain themselves. I think it's downright neglectful actually if done on a regular basis.

BlingLoving · 13/03/2013 10:49

But Lotta, that is the fault of the parenting style, not the technology!

fryingpantoface · 13/03/2013 10:50

I think neglectful is OTT. Parents throughout the ages have used things to entertain their children. Where once it was spinning tops, now it's phones. I don't know anyone who leaves their kids all day watching screens etc.

I think it's one of the things outside MN which isn't a big deal

Lottapianos · 13/03/2013 11:31

What do you mean BlingLoving? I don't think that screens are necessarily a bad thing at all, it's how they are used and how often that is the issue and yes, that's down to the parents.

'I don't know anyone who leaves their kids all day watching screens etc.'

I do frying. I know families where the only time the screens get turned off is when the family go out of the house, and even then they bring their LeapPad or parents' iPhone with them. Some children are pretty much permanently attached to a screen all day. My friend's 6 month old baby has much better attention and listening skills than many of the 3 year olds I know. Reception teachers I know say that a significant (and rising) number of children in their class simply do not know how to wait, and will interrupt 2 adults talking for example, or need 1:1 adult support to be able to sit down and listen to a 5 minute story. I know that's not 100% down to the amount of screen time they have but I would argue it's got to be a contributing factor.

HorribleMother · 13/03/2013 11:39

The soundtrack of my childhood was my parents yelling at me to stop being antisocial when I chose to read books rather than socialise at the many (boring, full of people I didn't care about) events they dragged me along to.

I watched up to 10 hours TV/day in my 1970s childhood, too (lots of it with my dad).

Maybe OP has a point, I am STILL an anti-social bookworm git :).

Kiriwawa · 13/03/2013 11:39

What's the causal link between screen time and inability to concentrate? Isn't that more likely related to children not being read to?

Lottapianos · 13/03/2013 11:45

Kiriwawa, when a child is in front of a screen like an iPad, they are in control. They get loads of stimulating sounds and images, and can change it all at the touch of a button. People obviously don't work that way! Children who are used to sitting in front of a screen which they control are more likely to be behind with skills like joint attention (sharing an activity with another person), waiting, anticipating (like in ready-steady-go games) and listening. Attention and listening is a really fundamental communication skill and will have an impact on their wider social development.

HermioneE · 13/03/2013 12:09

My childhood holidays consisted of my parents telling me to get my nose out of my book and look at the view, wherever we were. At secondary school I would read through all registration and break times, and it hampered my ability to make friends. I read through every non-family mealtime and a fair few family ones. I even read while watching TV. I used to smuggle my books into the loo and read while walking from one room to another. I literally don't think it's possible for children today to have more screen time than I had book time growing up.

So on the bright side OP: 1) I'm a functioning adult so it must be possible to be that antisocial and still turn out ok, and 2) screens will probably get restricted more than the above even in the most pro-technology households.

I admit my eyesight is shocking. Maybe laser surgery will need to keep up with the screen developments!

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