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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be increasingly horrified and alarmed at how much time little ones are spending plugged in?

95 replies

Somethingwicked · 12/03/2013 20:10

My intelligent and good old friends joined us for sunday lunch in a quiet pub the other day and 'appeased' their toddler throughout with very loud youtube clips of bob the builder on youtube. I was dumbstruck.
Whenever there is any waiting or hanging around to be done, the toddlers all around are glued to an iphone or ipad.

Are people sleepwalking into all this, or deliberately doing it just to make life easier? Or am I just a total luddite and idiot not to be training mine up in ipaddery for the digital future?

OP posts:

landofsoapandglory · 12/03/2013 21:08

Folk can't win, can they?

If a 2, 3 or 4 year old is running a mock in a restaurant the parents get judged! Give them something to do, so they are occupied and quiet, you get judged for that too!

My boys were easily entertained when they were little. A toy car, or animal, or a couple of crayons and they were happy, but had iPhones, iPads etc been around then I am sure we would have let them be occupied with those.

Now they are teens who have grown up with gadgets, and electronic toys and the Internet, they are very able to socialise, can write very, very well and read a lot for pleasure, although it is mainly on their iPads!

PrettyKitty1986 · 12/03/2013 21:09

Personally I see it as a bit hysterical tbh.
What are these 'consequences' you speak of? Will my children go blind? Will they turn into mute idiots who are incapable of conversation? What?

Original poster

Somethingwicked · 12/03/2013 21:09

Thanks for all your thoughts everyone, I am off to tidy up and stop procrastinating. I will keep mulling and check in later again. I haven't been on mumsnet in years, but I have felt so frustrated this week thinking all these taboo thoughts, it has been great to liberate them and also hear some interesting views, from all angles. The debate shall go on, here and elsewhere I am sure...

OP posts:

NumericalMum · 12/03/2013 21:10

pussollini · 12/03/2013 21:14

DS is 3 and quite likes playing with crayons, jigsaws etc. but he LOVES anything to do with a screen. LOVES it so much it scares me. To the exclusion of everything else going on and when I have to shut it down, he gets hysterical. That is why I will be limiting his access to screens, other than TV which after all he doesn't control, as far as I possibly can. I know it will be a battle that ultimately I will lose but I'm not going to just give in and go with the flow.

I also have a teenager. His behaviour is at its worst when he is playing a game. Short-tempered, unable to consider any other option. If we take it away, he goes crazy, furious, wild - then calm and interested in other stuff that's going on. Helping me make dinner and talking.

I know it's all easy to say, oh they've always had something, but really this to me does not seem the same. It seems to inspire a pint-sized addiction. For me, anyway, that's my experience.

RedHelenB · 12/03/2013 21:22

I always remember in Anne of Green gables series Rachel Lynde being horrified that Dianan's baby was looking at a store catalogue!! Can't see anything wrong tbh as long as they are getting human interaction too.

Original poster

Somethingwicked · 12/03/2013 21:24

As to 'consequences'- I see these, in a worst case scenario, as a generation of people who are entirely reliant on their digital device for emotional, intellectual, informational, social, financial, practical and physical wellbeing. In my mind, this sort of dependence should be largely internal, and failing that, on other human beings or on a range of different tools and places in life (maps, books, social places, shops and so on).
The dangers of this- eyestrain, physical ill health from inactivity, loss of skills across all the above, heavy duty addiction to one source of pleasure/knowledge, basically a huge step back for the individual and for civilised society. Plus there is the whole possibility of the internet plug being pulled at some point, not to mention the unseen powers of the large internet companies (google, amazon, youtube etc) exerting an almost godlike control over our thoughts, decisions, knowledge and spending habits!

Someone disagree with me now, with a proper counterargument though, not just a rubbishing of my character and judgmental capacities!

OP posts:

BlingLoving · 12/03/2013 21:27

The concern about losing basic social skills - conversation, ability to be bored etc...

... Bollocks. Because here's the thing, our parents didn't have the technology so they didn't use it. But they also didn't take us to pubs when we were toddlers. Or certainly, mine didn't. And when we got a bit older we were allowed to go to restaurants but we were kept quiet, and still, by being given colouring in books or comics.

I would agree that playing bob the builder loudly is a bit rude, and should be one of those new things that etiquette needs to take into account.

BlingLoving · 12/03/2013 21:29

Oh, and also, as someone who uses iPad to distract ds regularly when in public, I would also suggest that for many of us, we use it at these moments and not 24/7 while we are at home.

MajaBiene · 12/03/2013 21:29

I don't know anyone who lets their toddler play on tablets/phones etc for hours - on journeys, in waiting rooms, in pubs yes. Those all seem like very appropriate places to me.

If you start to see children glued to ipads at playgroups, in the park, softplay, the beach then worry. Personally I have never seen this.

grumpyinthemorning · 12/03/2013 21:34

I have, on occasion, entertained my toddler with cartoons when I'm out. The simple fact is, becoming a parent doesn't mean giving up our entire lives, and if half an hour of tv buys us time to chat to that friend, or eat something without being pestered to share (DS bugs me even if he's just eaten), then so be it.

Personally, I prefer books, and luckily DS is showing a similar preference. But even books shouldn't be read all the time - as a teenager I perfected living my life with my nose in a book, and as a result was very secluded and had very few friends. Everything in moderation, right?

fairylightsinthesnow · 12/03/2013 21:36

OP I think you are extrapolating from parents using these devices for a short time maybe a few times a week to people being "entirely reliant on their digital device for ...wellbeing" I think that is a huge and rather alarmist leap. You have not looked at or mentioned the positives of the digital age - we can skype relatives so they can see their grandchildren; we can access every possible type of info for (almost) free and very easily. Yes there are downsides to this, some information / images / ideas are best not easily accesible but this is where parental control and moderation come in. What is the "internet plug" and who has it please? As for the influence of big companies, well, its no more true than any other mass marketing ploy in newspapers, posters etc of previous eras. That part of your post sounds rather conspiracy theorist.

pussollini · 12/03/2013 21:37

Seriously, the 'fashion' or whatever you will call it, for screen-based games, is bringing about a massive lifestyle change and I don't think it's for the better. Nothing that has gone before has changed the amount of interaction they have with the real world.

And obesity. When we got our then 12 year old he spent hours and hours in front of games - isolated, sedentary, podgy and pale.

I agree lots of children have balance in their lives and won't suffer any harm. But that won't be all of them.

pussollini · 12/03/2013 21:39

We went on holiday recently and I considered getting a handheld game for DS. DH vetoed it - he said we would only end up relying on it, using it because it kept him quiet, when actually what we needed was to play with him.

WishIdbeenatigermum · 12/03/2013 21:41

I agree OP and I'm so grateful screens weren't around when my dcs were that age. Under 3 is the most important time developmentally, so why would you dramatically change the way every generation until this one has learnt about the world and their place in it.

orangeandlemons · 12/03/2013 21:43

But these consequences are about change. How do you know the option you have presented is any worse than the option now. It may be better, or enhance what we now have. I think your horrified prediction sounds kind of interesting tbh, I would quite like to live in a world with this sort of accessibility.. And yet, I have normal social skills and am a pretty normal person really

I believe all the prediction are for a world where virtual and real life are so closely intertwined as to be almost inseparable. I sort of wish I was going to be around to see this.

Original poster

Somethingwicked · 12/03/2013 21:49

That is very inspiring orangesandlemons- I agree it will certainly be interesting. My husband thinks very positively about the digital world- more along your lines, and I really admire him for it, but he has a lot of restraint too, and is also very keen to minimise screens in our small children's lives. If accessibility and increased access to knowledge can bring about more humanity and happiness, then that is of course a leap forward. Is there evidence to suggest this though? I suppose there is, people rediscovering a love of reading through kindles, grandparents and skype, definitely.....

OP posts:

Kiriwawa · 12/03/2013 21:51

My DS has just turned 6 - when we went on holiday last year, he was the only child who didn't have a DS apart from the 3 year olds. Children have had DSes for the last 5 or 6 years haven't they, if not more?

Is there any evidence that it leads to terrible things? Obviously staring at tiny screens 24/7 isn't good for young eyes but, like anything, in moderation I think it's fine.

I do let him play on the wii for a couple of hours a day but then I don't see the difference between that and TV really. Is it worse? Surely the fact that he's interacting mentally and physically is better than just sitting slumped on the sofa?

AwkwardAnnie · 12/03/2013 21:51

I worry about the lack of social skills children are developing.

I was talking this afternoon with the speech therapist at work. (Until recently I was a SALT assistant and she was my boss.) She'd visited family that weekend where there were several children and family members of different ages and at one point they were all doing their own thing using their phones, ipads etc not talking to each other. For most of the afternoon the teenagers carried on this way.

I'm definitely not a luddite, and we both agreed we'd hate to lose the technology, but we really worry about how it is effecting social skills.

My DD is 5, she does play on my phone occasionally, and she uses the computer and watches TV a lot. We've recently limited how much time she can use the computer because given the choice she would be on there all day. When she's playing she's transfixed and unaware of what's going on, she also gets incredibly grumpy when she's been playing on the computer for too long.

When we go out the phone has always been an absolute last resort. We take paper and pens, and almost always have done. When she's writing or drawing she'll still talk to us and always has done. We can join in with her, particularly if she's getting bored. It's all social skills and we've always been very aware of teaching her how to act appropriately in a restaurant (not that we get to go to them often.) Playing games on a phone isn't appropriate behaviour in a restaurant. Yes we've let her do it occasionally, but only when we've run out of other options.

WishIdbeenatigermum · 12/03/2013 21:56

Kiriwara that sounds far too much. 2 hours a day of anything is not moderation!
It might be doing him no harm, who knows? Why take the risk?

Kiriwawa · 12/03/2013 22:00

Most children watch way more than 2 hours of TV a day, WishIdbeen. I watched more than that when I was a kid and I'm a nearly 50 year old professional.

WishIdbeenatigermum · 12/03/2013 22:02

TV is, as you say, tried and tested. Interactive games are not.

MrsMushroom · 12/03/2013 22:03

That's not true Kiriwawa. Mine watch about an hour a day. They probably watch more on a Saturday but in the week they go out to play or do their homework or have friends to play.

Kiriwawa · 12/03/2013 22:03

So why is it worse?

Kiriwawa · 12/03/2013 22:06

MrsM - I wasn't talking about your children. The average UK kid watches 2.5 hours of TV a day plus nearly 2 hours of 'screen' time. BBC

My DS has less than 1/2 that screen time. I spend all day on the computer - probably betwen 10 and 15 hours a day.

Do any of you monitor your screen time out of interest?

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