To not want to move?

[ballinacup]

I feel like I might be being completely unreasonable.

DP and I currently live in rented accommodation. We've been offered the opportunity to live in a family owned property rent free to enable us to save a much bigger deposit for buying somewhere.

Unfortunately, the house is 60 miles from where we live now. It will dramatically reduce DP's current commute (which is now 32ish miles each way - mine is 25miles each way) but my commute will become 55miles each way through horrendous traffic taking over two hours each way. This will mean that Monday to Friday, I won't see 14mo DS at all. But on the plus side, we would be able to save £1000 a month in housing costs.

I've expressed my reservations about the length of my commute, and DP will say in one breath "I agree, its too far" but will immediately follow it with "... Even though this is our only way to save a decent deposit quickly". Which, obviously, makes me feel like shit. It doesn't help that he has very sentimental links to the house.

I also worry that, because of said sentimental links and because its free, he'll keep finding excuses to stay even when we've saved a deposit.

So vipers, AIBU?

so so so not worth it for £500 a month, things may change but have found amongst friends whose gp have died a real split between those that want to enshrine the memories in a house and those that want to sell on straight away as painful reminder....I would keep your head down a bit on this one for a while if you can

...but if it needs gutting etc to sell they are probably better selling it as a doer- upper for a property developer to pick it up as 'new' investment in it will just add ties... i was really surprised my SDad did this with his home but was the right thing to do ? in the main those that have tried to keep the shrine somehow have had a harder time of it..

is dp an only ? are there other brothers/sisters involved won't they have a view...

I wouldn't. Only because I am currently working full time, walk to work so no commute but I miss the children so much

DP has a Dsis, but she's settled in her own home around the corner from ILs. She's happy with her DB getting this leg up onto the property ladder as she was given £35k by the same relative that owns the house that she chose to spend on her wedding and honeymoon.

I wouldn't do it. Too much of a sacrifice. Can't they sell it and give you £35k from the proceeds to even things up with sil?

£500 a month to lower your standard of living in order to make your PIL feel a tiny bit better that a house is staying in the family? No, not worth it at all - head down but when it comes to it, refuse. Or you could suggest PIL themselves move into it if they want to keep it in the family...

"Can't they sell it and give you £35k from the proceeds to even things up with sil?"
A much better solution by far.

I wouldn't do that commute for that amount of money per month in my pocket. I would much rather spend time with my son or if the money was that important I'd rather put the extra four hours into effort to seek a promotion or better paid position.

Yanbu. The chance is a good one but this is your child you're talking about. No way I could agree to this.

If home working or flexible working in your current role won't work, would you still save anything if you did t work for a while or did something completely different for a time, more local?

No chance

2 hour commute each way isn't practical. Only worth the move if you can go part time and sleep over close to work once or twice a week.

Alternatively are they any jobs you could do closer to this rent free house.

Read the posts - even a saving of 500 a month isn't worth it. Thats only 6k per year and 18k over 3 years. Your DH could just as well get a few extra hours working in the evening to get that extra amount monthly. It isn't worth a 4 hour daily commute and not seeing your child.

No way. £500 a month for all that upheaval and not seeing your son. No no no.