I can't be, surely?

[ThunderInMyHeart]

Normally I would consider this question to have an obvious answer, but wanted to make totally sure by asking an AIBU. Thank you in advance for any input.

Married 2 years. I am currently employed earning around £35k. Husband unemployed but has savings of around £225,000. Separate finances since marriage started to go downhill. I have savings of about £25k. We are mid-20s.

He's having various problems at the moment and accuses me of 'squirreling away' my wages. We've been on the brink of divorce for a while. He thinks that if I were a good wife, I would have offered to pay for his counselling (depression from unemployment etc) as he doesn't have an income.

WTF? He's got hundreds of thousands?! Why should I be the cash cow?

If this were a happy marriage, then yes, we would have joint finances and I would therefore be paying, theoretically, 50:50 for his therapy. Is he not squirreling away his money by not spending it and looking at me to bankroll him instead?

His justification is that I have an income, and he doesn't. I thought interest could be deemed an income though, hmm!

If you have £25,000 you should walk out of there and do a quickie divorce. Forget about the rest of the money. You could easily spend all of your £25,000 on solicitors and end up with nothing.

You haven't been married nearly long enough to have any legitimate claim to the kind of split you're dreaming of unless he agrees it.

I am relying on e-mails he has written saying how it is his intention that I have 50:50 legal ownership on whatever is his. They were written in the run up to our wedding.

None of that will count for anything.

You need to get yourself to a solicitor for an injection of reality!

'What's yours is ours and what's mine is mine', he seems to be saying.

So he brought his savings into the marriage and you brought your savings and your income into the marriage. Between the two of you you've been spending your savings and your income while his savings are untouched. I can see why you're peeved.

At the end of the day you don't need a share of his savings. That you were supporting him, well that's what people are meant to do in a marriage. Get out, get recompense for your dad's work and be done. Get legal advice. Resolution.org can find you a divorce lawyer local to you who specializes in financial issues.

Tbh your sounding rather grabby and you are in for a nasty shock.

Get some decent legal advice and start from a realistic point.

I get that he's pissed you off I get that hes been unfair but in the uk we don't divide assets due to fault.

And none of your evidence is certain to work,yes it shows intention but it is not binding a crap solisiter will go on about how yes it will work yes you have a great case but they will be telling fibs and thinking of fee's a decent one will make it clear that the chance of you getting what you want is tiny.

Yes I think you do have to understand that divorce settlements are based on need. Your earnings and mortgage capacity are unaffected by your marriage, you are earning and he is not.

I would try to persuade him to agree to pay your father a fair amount for the work he did in recognition of the value he added to the house. If he won't pay up though, you would be a lot better off if you walk away with what you have, rather than gamble your savings trying to pursue a settlement.

Cut your losses and dissolve this partnership because it isn't working. You are young enough to easily find someone better. Run!!!

Intention is pretty much unenforceable in law, especially in a domestic context.

I would add, you have to understand that his position and your position would be examined in the context of what you both contributed, and what your needs are.

So he has contributed X. You have contributed Y. But you would have had reasonable living costs anyway.

He has Aspergers, is clinically depressed, failed to complete his training and could argue that he is unemployable and needs the money (which has been held in a separate account in his name) more than you. He can argue that the money is not part of your joint assets. After such a short marriage he would no doubt be successful.

You have a nice chunk of savings and are earning good money at a relatively young age, with your whole life ahead of you.

You can see where this is going, can't you?

I would post the details over on the Legal Matters thread, where there are a number of practising family lawyers who will quickly put you right free of charge!

You're young, earning a fantastic wage, 25k in the bank, and no kids.

Ring a cab, arrivaderci, no looking back. Don't make it complicated.

Just walk away. You are solvent, making a decent living and have your whole life ahead of you.

I understand that you want your dad to have what you think he is owed. But to be frank he did go into it with his eyes open. Does he want you to walk away?

no advise as am not married and havnt been in your situation before but hope you find a solution and try your hardest to gain what is rightfully yours!

mn has taught me never to get married!!!

fail at the deleting haha!

Thank you all for the replies.

However, please could I respectfully request that unless you have been through a similar divorce or are a divorce lawyer that the legal advice/speculations are caveated?

Intention can be relied upon. It's aboutthe principles of Equity that our legal system affords. More specifically, it's called promissory estoppel; or, in the US, unjust enrichment. So, that would cover the house. The rest of his intention I would use as persuasive leverage.

I agree re cutting losses, but also getting what I deserve, or, more specifically and fairly, what my father deserves. I would quite happily walk away with what I have and money for my dad. A bonus would be the £3k he owes me in rent.

To the poster upthread, yes, I'm certainly cautious about future marriage/financial commitments! Ah well, life's for learning!

olgaga - oh, I completely agree. When I found out about him failing the exams, I was so upset - both for him and selfishly. God forbid some nutty judge thinks I should pay him maintenance!

Wafflyversatile - thanks for that website. I'll have a scope.

floggingmolly - I was under the impression that intention was more enforceable in a domestic context. If you look at case law when it comes to trusts of the home, sometimes all it took was for a man to say 'oh yeah, I'm buying this house as a home for us' and, bang, she was held to be entitled to 50%. True, in that particular case, I think she contributed to the household e.g. childcare or maybe it was something about home renovations. Thank God for equitable principles!

God forbid some nutty judge thinks I should pay him maintenance!

No, I doubt that. But you've had some good advice here from people who know what they're talking about.

However, please could I respectfully request that unless you have been through a similar divorce or are a divorce lawyer that the legal advice/speculations are caveated?

As I have already said, if you have any doubt about the advice you have received here then feel free to post your circumstances on the Legal Matters thread and ask for opinion. There are family lawyers who deal with issues there all the time - Collaborate, Babybarrister are both practising, and Mumblechum has a couple of decades of previous experience in the family courts.

Your response to floggingmolly shows that you have very little idea of the reality of family law.

You need to find a properly qualified lawyer on the Resolution website. Some lawyers would love someone like you, with £25,000 in the bank, to walk through their door looking to litigate "on principle".

You have been warned!

I think you'll find in a case of promissory estoppel you'll have to show how you suffered loss or detriment where the promise was relied upon.

You actually haven't, if your father suffered financial loss he'll have to sue on his own behalf.

Mumsnet thread - Divorce and Separation

Mumnsnet thread - Legal Matters

I think you're in great danger of losing your £25k in legal fees. You clearly hate this man, he is not going to give you a penny, you have no children or mortgage, you have enough money to set up on your own so cut your losses and walk away. Quicke divorce, chalk it up to experience and move on. Or does your dad want you to hang around and then go through a fight in the courts so that he can go on holiday?

You have also been quite rude to people on here who have tried to help you. This is AIBU not a legal forum.

"Intention can be relied upon. It's aboutthe principles of Equity that our legal system affords."

Um. If that were really true, do you honestly think that the entirity of our contract law system would developed?

floggingmolly - yep, I agree. The action would have to be brought by my dad, but I was thinking of using the whole thing as leverage for a divorce settlement agreement e.g. 'Dad will not proceed against you for the labour etc, if you agree to make a one-off lump sum payment to me'. Dad would then have to be a party to the agreement and so forth.

cinnabar - I mean intention in terms of someone making a promise - 'yes, I will give you a share in the house etc if repaired', dad then provides the detrimental reliance by expending time and energy on the house etc. So, the intention was the promise and vice versa.

youmay - I don't see how I've been rude? The closest I think I've come to it was to RESPECTFULLY ask that legal advice be caveated. I don't think your assumption that my own father would want me to go through a legal battle so that he could go on holiday is very polite. He wants me to get a quickie divorce, actually. It is only because I feel awful that a 60 year old man did hard manual labour for 3 weeks and has seen nothing for it (for himself or his daughter) that I am irked by the matter.

English property law rests entirely on contracts.

Even aside from that, promises are not contracts because no consideration is given (nothing to do with being verbal or written in email format) - they simply aren't contracts. At best they would be conditions precendent for the formation of a contract, but as you don't have a contract for them to be precedent to then that gets your nowhere.

And if not contracts then not enforceable.

I completely agree that you need consideration to form a contract, as well as intention to create legal relations, offer, acceptance etc etc, but I'm not sure we're referring to the same thing? I mean promissory estoppel in regards to the 'dad fixes house and Thunder's name goes on the deeds/proceeds'.

From what I remember of promissory estoppel, the detrimental reliance bit is athe substitution for consideration and I don't recall the 'promisor' having to give a form of consideration, as that would make it contract law, not equity.

He wants me to get a quickie divorce, actually. It is only because I feel awful that a 60 year old man did hard manual labour for 3 weeks and has seen nothing for it (for himself or his daughter) that I am irked by the matter.

Your dad is very sensible. He understands that for doing up a house the cost of labour is about £150-200 per day. It wouldn't be worth his while, or yours, pursuing that kind of money through the courts at a cost of several thousand pounds.

I was thinking of using the whole thing as leverage for a divorce settlement agreement e.g. 'Dad will not proceed against you for the labour etc, if you agree to make a one-off lump sum payment to me'. Dad would then have to be a party to the agreement and so forth.

You have no leverage. All you have is grounds to seek a settlement - but if a settlement isn't forthcoming, cut your losses.