Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have not given my atheist SIL a religious present?

60 replies

outingmyselfhere · 12/03/2013 12:46

She's not speaking to me because I didn't give her newborn a little crucifix and holy medal when he was born.

I do always give them to my family members when they have a baby, but I didn't know what to do because she is atheist and I didn't want to offend her. I thought she might think that I was trying to convert them or push it on them. My brother is very very lapsed so I didn't think that he would particularly appreciate it either. Of course I gave her clothes and other presents too.

Now she says I am treating them differently and she's not going to stand for it.

Confused
OP posts:
Dannilion · 12/03/2013 12:48

YANBU. Ignore her, she sounds a bit fruity.

Fakebook · 12/03/2013 12:49

How is she not going to stand for it? Confused. She sounds weird.

Dannilion · 12/03/2013 12:49

Ps, I'm atheist and if someone gave me anything religious for DC (knowing I'm atheist) it would annoy me.

Bobyan · 12/03/2013 12:49

"Not going to stand for it" or what? Tell her that they are bring hypocritical if they accept something they have no belief in and not to be so ungrateful.

She sounds a cow.

PromQueenWithin · 12/03/2013 12:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

msrisotto · 12/03/2013 12:51

Ok so, it's always brattish to stamp your feet about not receiving a gift so she is being unreasonable there.

However.....it does sound like you give them to everyone else but not to her - thus singling her out. You could have given a card or non religious trinket in place of the religious symbolism?

Oh, just seen that you did give other gifts....she is BU. I'm trying to see this from her pov (I am an atheist).....maybe she feels she is missing the good wishes? I dunno....

Original poster
outingmyselfhere · 12/03/2013 12:51

I am so glad you all agree! I might just blame it on the hormones.

OP posts:
BlueberryHill · 12/03/2013 12:51

She is being so very unreasonable and very, very rude, you gave her presents etc, why is she complaining, you didn't think the crucifix was suitable due to her beliefs. As an atheist I would have preferred the presents and clothes.

What did your brother think, could you talk to him and explain the reasons and get her to shut up and be grateful.

Just a question, what precisely does she think she can do about it if she isn't going to stand for it?

msrisotto · 12/03/2013 12:52

I wouldn't be annoyed if someone gave me religious well wishes however it would be a waste as I would donate it to a charity shop.

Kittenkatzen · 12/03/2013 12:52

Er....YANBU! If she's openly atheist and you gave her alternative gifts then she's being spoilt and a bit weird quite frankly Confused

Blame it on the hormones and ignore!

blackeyedsusan · 12/03/2013 12:52

rreally? oh dear. perhaps you could buy the children a childen's bible for christmas... [adds fuel to fire emotion] (or just ignore her!)

Original poster
outingmyselfhere · 12/03/2013 12:53

Msrisotto I did think about that, but they are so cheap (really, £1.50 for the two), that I couldn't think of anything to replace them with. I gave them a nice baby card too.

OP posts:
Original poster
outingmyselfhere · 12/03/2013 12:54

BlueberryHill I think he is as puzzled as me, but well, she did only have a baby a week ago.

I don't know if I'm supposed to get them anyway Confused

OP posts:
MisselthwaiteManor · 12/03/2013 12:54

She's not going to stand for it?? How childish and spoilt, did she stamp her feet and say gimme?

AdoraBell · 12/03/2013 12:56

You say she's an atheist? Is that something she's sure about? Or is just the hormones talking, do you think? She sounds a little confused to me, either way YANBU

NotActuallyAMum · 12/03/2013 13:00

Exactly what Dannilion said

Nutcase...

NotActuallyAMum · 12/03/2013 13:01

Sorry, just to clafiry I meant the SIL is a nutcase, not Dannilion... Blush

Viviennemary · 12/03/2013 13:01

Of course YANBU. However, if she wants you to give the baby a religious present then why don't you. But how on earth were you supposed to know she wanted one if she is an atheist.

Blu · 12/03/2013 13:03

YANBU. She is, but you know how strong feelings are after birth, and she probably wanted her baby included in what she sees as the family traditoin - which is at least flattering to you.

Send her a little card saying you are very sorry she is upset because the whole point of not giveing the baby a crucifix was because you were trying to take her beliefs into account, and enclose a small charm or a silver bracelet or something.

Unless this is typical of her behaviour generally, in which case ignore.

LoopDeLoops · 12/03/2013 13:03

What on earth is a holy medal?

Original poster
outingmyselfhere · 12/03/2013 13:04

Adorabell she has always just said she doesn't believe in god or religion. She has always been so respectful about our beliefs though.

I will get her them if she wants them but it just seems a bit off.

OP posts:
Original poster
outingmyselfhere · 12/03/2013 13:06

Blue I think I will do that, thank you.

Loopdeloops it's a tiny medallion with a patron saint on it.

OP posts:
wigglesrock · 12/03/2013 13:08

I probably would have asked her when the baby was born if she would like the holy medal and cross or would she have preferred me not to.

Pandemoniaa · 12/03/2013 13:10

It would never occur to me to give an atheist a crucifix and holy medal. In fact, I would assume that this was the quickest route to cause serious offence! YA definitely NBU.

OxfordBags · 12/03/2013 13:11

Unfortunately, Atheists are as likely to be hormonal and bratty shortly after giving birth as any other group of women!

As an Atheist myself, I would have felt very touched that you respected my beliefs despite your own and thought of a more suitable gift.

Trying to think charitably about her behaviour, perhaps she wanted her child to have the crucifix and medal in case they decide to become religious when they are older? Or maybe she's thinking of it being a family tradition that her child has been left out of, even though in other situation, those gift would have offended or annoyed her?

I think you have to be a bit 'smile and nod' to most things that come out of the mouth of a woman who's oly just given birth to her PFB Grin

Swipe left for the next trending thread