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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ban Oh's "man projects" from the house?

56 replies

AdmiralCLingus · 12/03/2013 08:51

Oh is constantly starting crazy "projects" and they almost always involve sawing, plastering, sanding, general mess making and I'm getting a bit pissed off with it.

His latest "project" has involved cutting out a shape from some weird foam stuff, sanding it down, covering it in plaster, sanding the plaster down and then painting it. I got home from work on sunday evening to find a thick layer of dust from the sanding all over everything.

Its not even like hes containing it to one space!! He will make a mess in our living room and then move onto the kitchen!

All of dd's toys were covered in plaster dust, all the sofas, washing on the radiator now needs to be washed again, it was all over the worksurfaces, all over the washing up that was on the draining board which he was asked to put away ffs! meaning it took me 2 1/2 hours yesterday to clean the kitchen instead of the usual half an hour!! (Theres only 2 and a bit bloody worksurfaces!!! )

The only reason I've not said anything to him yet is because the house we live in is his house, so really I don't feel I have any right to make him stop?

So, AIBU to ask him to take his mess outside, even though its not my house and I have no right to really?

OP posts:

MrsMushroom · 12/03/2013 08:54

Yanbu he needs to do this kind of thing outisde! My DH does similarly weird things and currently our patio is strewn with wood...and pallets for his latest project.

but he'd never do it in the house!

AliceWChild · 12/03/2013 08:56

Why are you cleaning up rather than him? He makes mess, he cleans it up, surely.

Original poster

AdmiralCLingus · 12/03/2013 08:58

I dont want to start a debate about his damn idleness lack of helping but his logic is that he works 40 hours a week and I work 12, so that makes it my job to clean, cook, do washing and care for our child.

If I don't do it, it wont ever get done and I cant live with the mess that he makes

OP posts:

Raum · 12/03/2013 09:00

That dust won't be doing anyone's health any good either. If I do any DIY etc dust and fumes are kept to a minimum and preferably out of the house. He's a plonker.

RobotHamster · 12/03/2013 09:01

So even though its not your house you're expected to clean it??

Original poster

AdmiralCLingus · 12/03/2013 09:02

I do live here robot... Its just not mine iyswim?

OP posts:

MortifiedAdams · 12/03/2013 09:03

Hold on....he is making all this mess and arguing that because you work less hours you clean it up? So is he just sat on his arse watching you clean up after him?

AliceWChild · 12/03/2013 09:04

If he's got time to make a mess he's got time to clear it up. But I can see its part of a bigger problem. So I'm pretty unbothered by stuff, but if he's going to expect you to clear up, which is unreasonable, then anything you do in response becomes reasonable in my book

RobotHamster · 12/03/2013 09:05

But you said you don't feel like you can ask him to take it outside.

Fuck asking tbh, if he insists on making a mess then he needs to clean it up or do it outside!

MortifiedAdams · 12/03/2013 09:05

And you do all the childcare? And all the cooking?

Even if you didnt work at all, your OH is being a selfish prick.

Original poster

AdmiralCLingus · 12/03/2013 09:05

Like I said its not about who does what housework wise, its whether I have any right to be cross with him and ask him to take his projects elsewhere!

OP posts:

dopeysheep · 12/03/2013 09:06

Fair enough if the agreement is regular cleaning. But not industrial scale after bloody stupid projects that contribute nothing but mess.
He can either clean that up himself or do it outside. Like you say you do live there, you aren't an employee.
Sounds very selfish to me.

MortifiedAdams · 12/03/2013 09:07

You have a roght to ask him. Of course you do. But based on what youve told.us about your overall set up you either wont ask him or he will refuse.

Neither is fair on you.

RobotHamster · 12/03/2013 09:07

Tell him that if he's going to make a mess he either needs to do it elsewhere or clear it up himself.

RobotHamster · 12/03/2013 09:07

And stop being a doormat.

Original poster

AdmiralCLingus · 12/03/2013 09:08

I do everything, except a couple of hours childcare on a sunday while im at work (pil have her on a saturday while i work). Although it is questionable how much "care" he does....

OP posts:

RobotHamster · 12/03/2013 09:09

Sorry, I don't mean to be rude.

SanityClause · 12/03/2013 09:09

Well, if it's not "your" house, why are you expected to clean it, at all?

Is your DD his DD, as well? Why do you feel like a lodger in your own home?

AliceWChild · 12/03/2013 09:13

Of course you have that right. It's difficult to separate the two issues because the fact you have to ask if you have that right is so connected to the whole set up. Of course you have the right to ask someone not to create extra work you're then expected to do.

WorraLiberty · 12/03/2013 09:20

Who does the housework should have nothing to do with this.

The fact is, he made the mess so he should have cleaned up after himself.

You cleaning up after him is not housework...it's you cleaning his mess.

It may not be your house but it's obviously your home...and you have a right not to be treated like a skivvy in it.

Original poster

AdmiralCLingus · 12/03/2013 09:21

no robot i do see where you're coming from, it didnt come across as rude at all!

Yeah sanity she's his dd too

OP posts:

coffeeandcream · 12/03/2013 09:25

I agree with a lot of what has been said already. It doesn't matter that the house is his, you have been invited to live there and you shouldn't be expected to live in squalor! Especially with a child living there too.

I hit the roof when my DH trashes the house after I've spent my weekends and evenings scrubbing and cleaning the place. It doesn't matter in the slightest that he works longer hours or earns far more money than me. This is about respect.

It's as if he resents your not working the way he does, so is creating work for you, iykwim? That's how it's felt to me in the past.

You need to find a way to talk about this, you are his partner, not his housekeeper.

Original poster

AdmiralCLingus · 12/03/2013 09:29

It's as if he resents your not working the way he does, so is creating work for you, iykwim?

I never thought of it like this, but now you mention it this seems to be exactly the case.

OP posts:

scarletforya · 12/03/2013 09:35

What is he going to do with the weird plaster shape?

Fine dust like plaster dust is terrible for your lungs, could you point this out to him. Surely he doesn't want your dd breathing that in?

Original poster

AdmiralCLingus · 12/03/2013 09:37

he's trying to make a mould of something, and this is just his latest way that probably wont work of trying to do that. He wants to make a plastic case for it eventually...

oh god, its actually stressing me out thinking about it!!!!

OP posts:

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