To ban Oh's "man projects" from the house?

[AdmiralCLingus]

Oh is constantly starting crazy "projects" and they almost always involve sawing, plastering, sanding, general mess making and I'm getting a bit pissed off with it.

His latest "project" has involved cutting out a shape from some weird foam stuff, sanding it down, covering it in plaster, sanding the plaster down and then painting it. I got home from work on sunday evening to find a thick layer of dust from the sanding all over everything.

Its not even like hes containing it to one space!! He will make a mess in our living room and then move onto the kitchen!

All of dd's toys were covered in plaster dust, all the sofas, washing on the radiator now needs to be washed again, it was all over the worksurfaces, all over the washing up that was on the draining board which he was asked to put away ffs! meaning it took me 2 1/2 hours yesterday to clean the kitchen instead of the usual half an hour!! (Theres only 2 and a bit bloody worksurfaces!!! )

The only reason I've not said anything to him yet is because the house we live in is his house, so really I don't feel I have any right to make him stop?

So, AIBU to ask him to take his mess outside, even though its not my house and I have no right to really?

admiral here's what you need to do (this is tried and tested btw) after YEARS of having same argument with dp I decided it was time to do a wimmin project - actually it was putting together all the furniture dp hadn't - anyway I made the biggest mess ever! I used his good screw driver for mixing paint etc etc and then after making said mess collapsed knackered on sofa ad made him clean it up whilst sobbing over ruined tools no other man project or tool has made it past storage shed since!

" I just feel that because he is providing me somewhere to live I should be grateful and not nag at him?"

^ That was my face when I read that .

OP, you contribute to this household at least as much as he does. Not all contributions are financial. Seriously, why do you feel this way? Because really, you shouldn't.

You were paying him? Wtf?

He's a financial and emotional abuser who won't give you financial security by having your name on the deeds for the house.

LTB seriously. He shows you no respect whatsoever and you would be financially and emotionally better off without him.

I don't know where to start! He works a 40 day week, I'm assuming with your hours, all the childcare and cleaning up after the lazy selfish arse of a man you work significantly more than that.

You had already done the washing up, how disrespectful to effectively ruin all that work and make you start again.

Please don't set this example for your DD. is this how he'd like your DD's future partner to treat her? Like some unpaid slave?

Oh and of course you should ask him to leave the house for his projects. I'd go nuts.

Um and you are with this man because??? This is way more than a bit of thoughtlessness. Why are you paying him money? I can understand if you put the money into a joint account to use for holidays or council tax. Do you have separate bank accounts?

I think you need to be firm. Think of the teacher at school who got results in behaviour by not shouting. Think what they did. So no pleading, no nicey nice. You just say 'darling, the dust has made ds cough and it can irritate lungs and damage health. I don't want dd to go down the asmatic route so all sanding stays outside. Got it?'

You need to do something about your self esteem. He's being like this because he can. Until you respect yourself, he is not going to. It is hard when there is an imbalance in the work ratio of a couple and he clearly thinks you live the life of riley and is taking it out on you via lack of respect and thoughtless behaviour.

flapping I often wonder why. But then I think, what have I got to offer dd? Where would we live? How would I provide for her?

Until I can answer those questions, I have to stick it out