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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not included on DP's Mother's Day card

57 replies

Dysgu · 10/03/2013 21:40

This is a discussion that DP and I have every year and I really don't know which if us is being U.

DP sends his DMum a card for Mother's Day but only signs it as being from him, DD1 and DD2. I am never included. We have been together for 10 years, lived together for 7+ years and have 2DC and a third due any time, so clearly a long-term, serious relationship. I get on very well with his DMum.

He does not see why I should be included in a card to his DMum. I have no real problem with not being included apart from the fact that he does include DDs - he says he includes then as she is their DGrandmother but I say it is Mother's Day not Grandmother's Day.

I automatically include him (and DDs) on card to my DMum as surely we all wish her a lovely day?

Opinions please??

OP posts:

somewhereaclockisticking · 10/03/2013 21:41

He should either send it just from himself or include you. You are part of his family.

ElliesWellies · 10/03/2013 21:41

He should either include all of you or none of you.

I send my DM a card from myself only.

IneedAgoldenNickname · 10/03/2013 21:42

I only ever sent a mothers day card from me, my Mum is not my exes Mum. I don't include the DC as she is not their Mum either.

squeakytoy · 10/03/2013 21:43

He is being an arse. Do you plan on marrying him at any point, because she will then become your Mother-in-Law, so at that point will he add your name??

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/03/2013 21:43

Another vote for all or no one.

Is there a marriage issue? Because either it is important in which case, why aren't you married? Or, it isn't, in which case you should be on the card.

Lueji · 10/03/2013 21:43

They are her descendants.
You are an IL.
Do you call her mother?

I'm not against you being included, but I don't think it's a big deal, or that you should necessarily be included.

Original poster

Dysgu · 10/03/2013 21:44

Obviously it is not something I get particularly worked up about but yes, I do feel that it should either be from all of us or just him. I would have no problem with either of those options - but every year he includes the DC but leaves me off. Sometimes I wonder what idea this gives his parents (perhaps that is the bigger question?)

OP posts:

bootsycollins · 10/03/2013 21:44

You could buy her a card from just you? Mother's Day to my mil card?

somewhereaclockisticking · 10/03/2013 21:46

Just out of interest, what does he do on her birthday? Are you included on that one??

INeedThatForkOff · 10/03/2013 21:46

Just him. That said, I'm sure your ILs sign cards to you as a family from 'mum and dad', so all would be fine too. But not just him and DDs.

cakebar · 10/03/2013 21:46

YANBU. It felt like a milestone when we started including each other. Strangely we started doing it independently the same year.

Original poster

Dysgu · 10/03/2013 21:48

I do wonder if it is related to us not being married - we have been engaged for forever but actually getting married is not something either of us feels particularly strongly about.

However, his family is very religious (DDad is vicar, DMum runs Bible Camp and Sunday School, DSis is evangelical and married to a pastor) and I think they swing between having an 'issue' with us not being married and pretending that we are. For example, his DMum always addresses cards and stuff to me in DP's surname

OP posts:

TrickyBiscuits · 10/03/2013 21:48

Oh, see I think this is fine

I sent my Mum's card just from me and baby DS, I never thought to include DH. Not being mean to him, I just don't really see it as something I would do.

InNeedOfBrandy · 10/03/2013 21:48

I think you should start buying her a separate card just from you and the dc

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 10/03/2013 21:50

I've never seen who DH sends his card from!

My mum died in 1995, but I imagine I would send a card from all of us (including DH).

Iamcountingto3 · 10/03/2013 21:50

Interesting. DP gets me to sign his card to his mum (I'm happy to if he feels it's appropriate, I like her!), but I don't tend to ask him to sign mine - my mum isn't his mum...

Not a big deal in our house.

Original poster

Dysgu · 10/03/2013 21:50

As for what does he do on her birthday - usually nothing until I remind him and then he leaves it until the last minute and Amazon sorts it!

Same for other birthdays within his family...

but cards and gifts are then sent from all of us with all names included.

OP posts:

SashaSashays · 10/03/2013 21:51

Dh and I have been together 20+ years, I'm really close to MIL and he is close to my mum, I don't include him on Mothers or Fathers Day cards, nor does he include me.

She is his mother and dcs grand mother, yes technically she's my mother in law but I don't think it's the same.

Although if I asked, DH would include me so I think it's a bit off that he doesn't even though you've mentioned it.

Iamcountingto3 · 10/03/2013 21:51

We've been together 20 years and married for 10 btw, so it isn't that I see dh as a temporary accessory

Original poster

Dysgu · 10/03/2013 21:51

This year's Mother's Day card for his DMum was from Moonpig with photos of our 2DDs on the front.

OP posts:

nannyof3 · 10/03/2013 21:51

His right

wannabedomesticgoddess · 10/03/2013 21:54

I bought two Granny cards. I signed mine from me and two DDs. DP signed his from us all.

Because MIL is lovely. My mum is less so. I feel very comfortable at theirs but neither myself or DP feels comfortable at my parents.

If you get on with her I think you should be included.

RedPencils · 10/03/2013 21:54

I sent my card from just me, she's my mum not his, or the DCs.
Not sure if he includes me on MILs. I know he had the DCs sign it. Doesn't bother me, she's not my mum.
Birthday cards are different, I'm always included mainly because I buy them and write them, but that's a whole different thread.

Hulababy · 10/03/2013 21:56

Dh's card to his mum includes us all, as does my card to my mum.
Known mil since I was 16, same for dh. So mother in laws as well as mum, and as known since being young both are mother type figures to respectively too.
Dd included on each too - grandmothers to her

stealthsquiggle · 10/03/2013 21:57

Well I sent MIL's this year, signed from DH. It would never occur to me to sign it from me, or from the DC. She is his mother - no-one else's.

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