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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to buy flights for my parents

39 replies

Smetana · 10/03/2013 12:48

My parents have their 40th anniversary this year, they're 63 and 59, and I would like to get them flights somewhere (Sweden or Denmark, as they love Scandi-drama). The problem is they've never flown before, and only went abroad to visit me when I lived in France a few years ago, and would be very nervous about it. My brother has also never flown, thinks it's a bad idea.

A family trait we all share is that we're not very adventurous - however, I was the first in the family to go to university, and through that and my later work, I've been really lucky to travel. I worry that my parents are falling into retirement - they say they're not happy, and they don't have things to look forward to, but they're terrified (as is my brother) of doing nice things.

I think this would a really good opportunity to have a holiday, and give them a push to do something new. What would you do? I know I'm pushing my views onto them a little, but if they got to Sweden, they'd love it.

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Original poster

Smetana · 10/03/2013 12:49

should be "new things", not "nice things"

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diddl · 10/03/2013 12:49

Bus trip?

CocacolaMum · 10/03/2013 12:49

if you can afford it then I think its a lovely idea!

LoopDeLoops · 10/03/2013 12:50

Could you get them ferry tickets instead?

eosmum · 10/03/2013 12:52

Maybe an organised trip with other people, you know where they all tour around on a bus together staying in different places every few days. They probably go by ferry.

Original poster

Smetana · 10/03/2013 12:52

I could do a ferry trip, I just think flights would, if they liked it, really open up opportunities. With the ferry and eurostar, they've travelled to France twice and Belgium once - but flights would mean they could go almost anywhere - they have the money for a holiday once a year, and it could give them things to look forward to.

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cozietoesie · 10/03/2013 12:53

It's a nice idea but would they enjoy it if they were anxious and by themselves in a strange land ?

Why not think a little wider - something like renting them a romantic week in a remote holiday cottage in the wilds of Scotland, say?

teaandbourbons · 10/03/2013 12:53

Could you go with them so they're not on their own the first time they go away?

Original poster

Smetana · 10/03/2013 12:55

in their holidays before, once they got to France, they really really liked it, but the week before, my dad would be moaning "I wish we'd never booked this holiday".

I could go with them, but it's their anniversary, and it would mean arranging a holiday for me, DH and DCs as well together, which becomes a big trip

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Bunbaker · 10/03/2013 12:58

Why not book them a package rather than just flights? The anxiety might not allow them to enjoy their trip and they might not get the most out of it.

LadybirdsAreFab · 10/03/2013 13:00

My grandfather refused to fly anywhere which was a problem when my parents moved abroad (straight after getting married 45 years ago). When he died (20 years ago) my grandmother asked if she could join me when I flew to see them on holiday (she was in Holland and they were in Oman) . She was 70 and there was no stopping her from then on, she loved it.

Can you go with them the first time? It might not be the flying as such, it could be the fear of the checking in process & finding the right aeroplane.

Christelle2207 · 10/03/2013 13:02

Whilst it would be a really nice gesture I think they would worry about it as would you. Flying for the first time at their age is probably quite scary.
I also think sending them on an organised tour might be a better idea. I am very well travelled and fail to see why anyone wouldn't enjoy travel but i had this vey conversation with my dh yesterday and his view is very much "not everyone thinks like you do" - as bizarre as it seems some people just don't like going away.
What about a nice hotel break in the UK as an alternative? somewhere like Hotel Du Vin? Given what you've said, putting them onto a plane to Scandinavia sounds possibly a bit too far!

MechanicalTheatre · 10/03/2013 13:03

I think getting a package tour would be a better idea. OK, flights would open up more of the world for them, but maybe for their first time away alone, they would need that kind of support.

raisah · 10/03/2013 13:04

someone mentioned booking a group excursion, which is a good idea. Lots of newspapers advertise them (metro, saga, guardian etc), would be a good way to introduce something new but within the safety of a group. Do they do scandi-drama tours similar to the inspector rebus ones they do in Edinburgh?

Trills · 10/03/2013 13:05

YWB a bit U, I think.

Just flights, to a country that they don't know, when they are nervous travellers, sounds like the sort of gift that becomes a burden.

A package or escorted tour would be better and less stressful for them (but a lot more expensive for you, I know).

Original poster

Smetana · 10/03/2013 13:06

it is the process of checking in at the airport that worries them I think. I'm going to look into packages - I'm really worried about them right now

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SaltaKatten · 10/03/2013 13:07

You can get cruises that take you to Copenhagen and Oslo.

Kat101 · 10/03/2013 13:11

They need at the very least, a package where everything is laid on and they have no responsibility for arrangements. I feel for them, I haven't travelled for years (kids, money etc) and I am out of the habit. I am scared of all the things that could go wrong and not having the familiar uk security blanket (police, nhs etc) to go to. I am going to force myself to book a package med hol next year to try and ease myself in slowly.

Would they enjoy this hol you are planning, or would they be so stressed in the run up that you'd end up wishing you hadn't bothered?

ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 10/03/2013 13:14

Yes, how about cruising over to Denmark or Oslo if they like Scandinavia?

And if you have the money, and they do, how about a short flight somewhere together, depending on where you live so you can go along and hold their hands, as it were. Jersey maybe?

I know what you mean about parents falling into retirement - mine moulder around the house feeling old and retired, doing nothing simply because they don't want to organise it. I'm scared that one day soon they really WILL be old and it will be too late :(

SoftSheen · 10/03/2013 13:15

I think it's a lovely idea. I agree with others that it might be better to get them a package rather than just flights, if you can afford it, as then they won't need to worry about organising hotels etc. Perhaps you could drive them to the airport and help them check in?

Stockholm was the first place I ever flew to (I was 19) and it is a lovely city- perfect for a short city break.

Kat101 · 10/03/2013 13:17

Also, do they do nice things when at home? Thinking U3A, Age UK and all the other organisations / clubs for retired people. What are their interests? There is a plethera of activites and interests for newly retired people, its just getting the message out there.

Saga holidays (does that still exist?)

SoftSheen · 10/03/2013 13:17

Should add, Stockholm is very clean, organised and efficient, and most people speak some English, which would probably be reassuring for nervous travellers!

HazleNutt · 10/03/2013 13:18

PILs are the same and no, I would not just get them tickets. They would be too nervous to enjoy it. We are buying them a trip to Baltics and Sankt-Petersburg, but going with them. If you can't, then get either a package tour or possibly cruise. Or maybe some friends of theirs could join?

schoolchauffeur · 10/03/2013 13:19

Have you tried something like this www.superbreak.com/ allows you to choose flight/hotel and add on extras like tours booked in advance. So they would have some "safety net" of an organised trips, but also some freedom fo their own and not have to herded round on a full coach tour.

Original poster

Smetana · 10/03/2013 13:28

Thanks for the tips - part of the logic of scandinavia is that there wouldn't be a language problem. They're not keen on the idea of being on a coach with other people, they're not sociable - I may have to look at going with them

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