Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4

AIBU?

AIBU to think he's aboard?

81 replies

Pinkdaisy4 · 09/03/2013 22:51

NAme changed but a regular.

So, I've been with my new bf for about a month. We both met at work and the attraction was instant. He's single and I'm recently separated. We both work shifts and I have a young ds so meeting up is a task but we manage it.

My issue is that he said he was on a 7 day course in b'ham coming home tomorrow. He's texted me every morning telling me he loves / misses me. I hadn't heard from him this morning so rang him this evening. The dialing tone sounded odd, like the one you hear when calling abroad. It rang and clicked on to voice mail.

Weird or am I being paranoid?

OP posts:

Report

ShellyBoobs · 10/03/2013 10:39

7 day course? On what? Most unusual, courses over a weekend, but you never know I suppose.

RTF?

LessMissAbs · 10/03/2013 12:36

A 7 day course plus an odd dialing tone would be unusual.

I once had a guy tag along on holiday with a small group I was with. He said nothing to indicate he was single and was very flirty with me. Something held me back. On coming back and being knocked back by me, he revealed in temper that he had a girlfriend of 18 months!

Don't mean to worry you OP, there might be a personally innocent explanation.

LessMissAbs · 10/03/2013 12:39

Should read said nothing to say he wasn't single

MrsMangelfanciedPaulRobinson · 10/03/2013 13:53

YANBU OP, it sounds to me like he is on a family holiday. Have you tried calling him again to see if there's an international dialling tone again?

Pinkdaisy4 · 10/03/2013 15:54

I haven't heard from him still. Just called him and went straight to answer phone.
Although we work together.....he's ambulance staff and I'm medical .

I'm just worried and hate feeling like this.

He told me he's single. No reason to doubt before.

OP posts:

Pinkdaisy4 · 10/03/2013 15:55

Shelley what is RTF??

OP posts:

almostanotherday · 10/03/2013 15:59

I would wait and see what he says about not answering your calls.

Pinkdaisy4 · 10/03/2013 16:03

growbags he left last Sunday. I'd spent Sunday afternoon with him.

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 10/03/2013 17:22

Could you ring the department and ask when he's back off holiday?

Do you know anyone else who's supposed to be on the course?

Have you been to his home?

PureedGoodness · 10/03/2013 17:35

What time is he due back?

Pinkdaisy4 · 10/03/2013 17:41

Yes, been to his flat several times. Nothing obvious re another girlfriend / another life.

Not sure what time he's due back :(

OP posts:

Lavenderhoney · 10/03/2013 17:49

Some courses are long as they end with an outward bound team building thing over the weekend. If its an NHS run course they can last 8 days.

If its snowy etc signals can be difficult - op just relax as perhaps it's fine. Just ask about his course, and say you felt like a chat and he didn't call you back? Though he might not have had time etc. it could be nothing - give him a chance before jumping in with accusations as it might finish the whole thing off.. As its still quite early days.

piprabbit · 10/03/2013 17:59

I think that you are leaping to huge and unfounded conclusions based on a missed txt msg and a funny dial tone. Perhaps enough to be slightly more alert to subtle signs than usual, but not enough to be mentally writing off the entire relationship.

Are you looking for reasons to end the relationship?

LessMissAbs · 10/03/2013 19:41

tbh, before I invested more time in this relationship, I'd phone the department and ask them for course or hotel details that you can verify. I'd make up some harmless excuse like you thought you'd left something in his bag that you need and wanted to check that he had it, but his mobile doesn't seem to get a signal. Or something.

I've known at least three guys pretend they were single when they had girlfriends. Some of them seem to do it just before they embark on a serious relationship, as a sort of last fling (I'm guessing). Trust your gut instinct in these matters.

I think if he is a liar, you are best to find out now rather than later.

Pinkdaisy4 · 10/03/2013 19:59

Thank you lavender , Piprabbit and LessMiss

I'm not looking for an excuse to end the relationship. He's lovely.

He'd only got the dates confirmed about a week before that he was going. He's staying at the Holiday Inn ( that narrows it down there's about 7!)

I'm in NHS too and have been on 7-10 day courses. It's just really odd as we talk / text daily.

DS has woken. Back in a momnet

OP posts:

MumVsKids · 10/03/2013 20:03

I'm certain he's where he says he is, and the only thing making you think otherwise is the international dial tone - which has happened to more than one of us when calling uk to uk.

Pinkdaisy4 · 10/03/2013 21:18

Just called him and now 'normal' ring tone but no answer. I've left a cheerful message saying hope he's had a good week and to text me when he's free so I know he's ok.

OP posts:

PaintedBottom · 10/03/2013 23:42

Has he replied to you yet Pinkdaisy?

Pandemoniaa · 10/03/2013 23:47

tbh, before I invested more time in this relationship, I'd phone the department and ask them for course or hotel details that you can verify

Please don't do this. It comes dangerously close to the sort of behaviour you'd expect of a stalker. As I said upthread, you've really nothing concrete to base your suspicions on so I'd reserve suspicion until something that actually warrants it comes along.

500internalerror · 10/03/2013 23:53

I often get a weird international sounding tone when calling landline from mobile. I wouldn't worry at all. But you do need to calm down, relax, be less intense about him - if you want the relationship to last. Don't burn out right at the start, pace yourself, & don't get paranoid or controlling

Ihavetopushthepramalot · 11/03/2013 00:06

Surely if you work in the same place he wouldn't lie and tell you he was going on a course. There would be a high chance of him being caught out if he was up to no good. Wouldn't he just say he was going on holiday?
Sounds like you're just sleep deprived and maybe missing him a bit so thinking the worst.
I'd get some sleep and not mention it to him if I were you.

Pinkdaisy4 · 11/03/2013 07:15

Thank you wise and honest speaking MNetters.

I feel such a numpty as dp called last night about 10pm and was driving home.

Phone reception was bad but was in B'ham on a course . Feel such a fool for jumping to ridiculous conclusions when he's never given me any doubt not to trust him.

Chatted for about an hour and he's coming over this evening.

Note to self......get more sleep! I've been up with a poorly ds for 4 nights. Thankfully, he's now on the mend so two less things not to stress about :)

Thanks again folks :)

OP posts:

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

PureedGoodness · 11/03/2013 07:20

Have u got proof though or just taking his word? Did you tell him you tried calling him and got the funny dial tone?

sooperdooper · 11/03/2013 14:56

Glad it's sorted, it's so easy to get carried away with a paranoid train of thought - I would say though, if you feel like it again don't post in AIBU - because all it will do it fuel your very small suspicions and you could end up doing something to make yourself look very silly :)

Numberlock · 11/03/2013 16:04

I'm with Pureed, I don't see how this is proof. Is it not strange that you didn't know where he was going on this course, ie he'd never mentioned the venue? And this from someone who previously was calling you every day to say he loves you? Just seems odd.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.