AIBU to think he's aboard?

[Pinkdaisy4]

NAme changed but a regular.

So, I've been with my new bf for about a month. We both met at work and the attraction was instant. He's single and I'm recently separated. We both work shifts and I have a young ds so meeting up is a task but we manage it.

My issue is that he said he was on a 7 day course in b'ham coming home tomorrow. He's texted me every morning telling me he loves / misses me. I hadn't heard from him this morning so rang him this evening. The dialing tone sounded odd, like the one you hear when calling abroad. It rang and clicked on to voice mail.

Weird or am I being paranoid?

[Slainte]

Glad all is well

[Bluelightsandsirens]

Glad it all worked out well for you in the end

[Pinkdaisy4]

Thank you fififrog I can't believe I even had those thoughts now.
Ds had a tummy bug so I was off work with him and had very little sleep.

We saw each other this evening. Certainly no tan marks and had been where he said he was. Study notes and certificate on his dining table.

Yes, it's not been an easy year. PND and controlling ex but all is well now.

Thank you

[fififrog]

Though... Just to say, I actually wouldn't count the OP in that category - sounds like she's had a tough time and it's easy to get worried about things!

[sooperdooper]

I agree fififrog there's really nothing much to go on here and the bloke has done nothing apart from probably had a bloody boring miserable week away on a course on his own (with a company where they both work, he'd have to be pretty bloody stupid to lie when they work together!!)

If anyone ever needed proof that some people are utterly paranoid and will look for the worst in anyone it's some of the replies on this thread

[fififrog]

I can't believe how many people said "it sounds like he's on a family holiday?" such suspicious minds!!

For what it's worth, I've been with DH for 12 years and I recently went away for work, curiously it didn't even occur to me to tell him exactly where I was staying so I guess I often don't! (mental note to self: things are different now you have a child: make sure DH knows where you are!!!)

[Numberlock]

I'm with Pureed, I don't see how this is proof. Is it not strange that you didn't know where he was going on this course, ie he'd never mentioned the venue? And this from someone who previously was calling you every day to say he loves you? Just seems odd.

[sooperdooper]

Glad it's sorted, it's so easy to get carried away with a paranoid train of thought - I would say though, if you feel like it again don't post in AIBU - because all it will do it fuel your very small suspicions and you could end up doing something to make yourself look very silly :)

[PureedGoodness]

Have u got proof though or just taking his word? Did you tell him you tried calling him and got the funny dial tone?

[Pinkdaisy4]

Thank you wise and honest speaking MNetters.

I feel such a numpty as dp called last night about 10pm and was driving home.

Phone reception was bad but was in B'ham on a course . Feel such a fool for jumping to ridiculous conclusions when he's never given me any doubt not to trust him.

Chatted for about an hour and he's coming over this evening.

Note to self......get more sleep! I've been up with a poorly ds for 4 nights. Thankfully, he's now on the mend so two less things not to stress about :)

Thanks again folks :)

[Ihavetopushthepramalot]

Surely if you work in the same place he wouldn't lie and tell you he was going on a course. There would be a high chance of him being caught out if he was up to no good. Wouldn't he just say he was going on holiday?
Sounds like you're just sleep deprived and maybe missing him a bit so thinking the worst.
I'd get some sleep and not mention it to him if I were you.

[500internalerror]

I often get a weird international sounding tone when calling landline from mobile. I wouldn't worry at all. But you do need to calm down, relax, be less intense about him - if you want the relationship to last. Don't burn out right at the start, pace yourself, & don't get paranoid or controlling

[Pandemoniaa]

tbh, before I invested more time in this relationship, I'd phone the department and ask them for course or hotel details that you can verify

Please don't do this. It comes dangerously close to the sort of behaviour you'd expect of a stalker. As I said upthread, you've really nothing concrete to base your suspicions on so I'd reserve suspicion until something that actually warrants it comes along.

[PaintedBottom]

Has he replied to you yet Pinkdaisy?

[Pinkdaisy4]

Just called him and now 'normal' ring tone but no answer. I've left a cheerful message saying hope he's had a good week and to text me when he's free so I know he's ok.

[MumVsKids]

I'm certain he's where he says he is, and the only thing making you think otherwise is the international dial tone - which has happened to more than one of us when calling uk to uk.

[Pinkdaisy4]

Thank you lavender , Piprabbit and LessMiss

I'm not looking for an excuse to end the relationship. He's lovely.

He'd only got the dates confirmed about a week before that he was going. He's staying at the Holiday Inn ( that narrows it down there's about 7!)

I'm in NHS too and have been on 7-10 day courses. It's just really odd as we talk / text daily.

DS has woken. Back in a momnet

[LessMissAbs]

tbh, before I invested more time in this relationship, I'd phone the department and ask them for course or hotel details that you can verify. I'd make up some harmless excuse like you thought you'd left something in his bag that you need and wanted to check that he had it, but his mobile doesn't seem to get a signal. Or something.

I've known at least three guys pretend they were single when they had girlfriends. Some of them seem to do it just before they embark on a serious relationship, as a sort of last fling (I'm guessing). Trust your gut instinct in these matters.

I think if he is a liar, you are best to find out now rather than later.

[piprabbit]

I think that you are leaping to huge and unfounded conclusions based on a missed txt msg and a funny dial tone. Perhaps enough to be slightly more alert to subtle signs than usual, but not enough to be mentally writing off the entire relationship.

Are you looking for reasons to end the relationship?

[Lavenderhoney]

Some courses are long as they end with an outward bound team building thing over the weekend. If its an NHS run course they can last 8 days.

If its snowy etc signals can be difficult - op just relax as perhaps it's fine. Just ask about his course, and say you felt like a chat and he didn't call you back? Though he might not have had time etc. it could be nothing - give him a chance before jumping in with accusations as it might finish the whole thing off.. As its still quite early days.

[Pinkdaisy4]

Yes, been to his flat several times. Nothing obvious re another girlfriend / another life.

Not sure what time he's due back :(

[PureedGoodness]

What time is he due back?

[ImperialBlether]

Could you ring the department and ask when he's back off holiday?

Do you know anyone else who's supposed to be on the course?

Have you been to his home?

[Pinkdaisy4]

growbags he left last Sunday. I'd spent Sunday afternoon with him.

[almostanotherday]

I would wait and see what he says about not answering your calls.